Comments on: Is women loving jerks and Bad Boys really a dating myth?

By: The truth about Nice Guys | Baggage Reclaim

The truth about Nice Guys | Baggage Reclaim — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 13:06:45 +0000

[...] Is women loving jerks and Bad Boys really a dating myth? [...]

By: ANGIE

ANGIE — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 02:50:55 +0000

badboys at first comes off as nice gentlemen, the misunderstood, neglected, and the abuse, they do this to sucker the nice girls into their web. The nice girls have high self esteem, are secure, have something going for their lives and are confident they will eventually drop the badboy but the badboy will do anything to hold unto this type of women. But the badboy will begin to work their nerves, they will only stay with them as long as it take to dump them. some badboys are abled to get 20, 30 maybe 50 women a year but they are not abled to hold on to one decent, goodgirl. The badboy craves a good woman and not a slut. the badboy wants a good girl so that the world can see that he is somebody and is worthy and he is not bad. If a woman go down while she is with a badboy she was already bad herself. Badboys are very lonely and insecure men and they hate the women that they eventually end up with. Most women that stay with they badboys and take their mess have issues, they are women with low self-esteem and no one else wants. Badboys want decent women with very high standards, a madonna, mother type that is very strong and will stand up for herself and put the bad boy in his place. women that is not apart of the lose girl, party girls, and fake and phoney girls crowd. There is no such thing as a good guy, only lonely insecure men, that put themselve behind the women. The badboy puts himself infront of a female, until he found a woman that is worthy of him, he is looking for a woman that is in control , knows where she is going and how to get there, a woman that do not take no bull in the process. The Badboy will be leary of this woman at first because he has never encounter this type before, he will send her through trial and tribulations trying to catch her off guard with ever trick he knows, it might take months and it might take years, until he realize that he has the real mccoy. A badboy is not bad ,and a good guy is not good. There are just different type of men,there are a thousand different types of so call badboys and a thousand different type of so call good guy including serial killers, you do the math!

By: jsgdk

jsgdk — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:24:57 +0000

@ladyofshallot: He was probably intimidated by your, and since girls rarely make the first move thats a problem, he probably liked you too but suffered from self-esteem problems like alot of guys do, maybe he thought you were “out of his league” which is always a bunch of bs, no one is out of anyones league except by choice or sub concious limitations . His daddy didnt teach him to be a man (very common problem), If he had read a little bit of “playa” literature he might have made a move, I had the same problem once. My last girlfriend would have never gotten to know me if I hadnt swept her off her feet. Some ppl are assholes but books about how male/female dynamics works (in essence the same way it worked 10000years ago) and basic principles of flirting is great, its a win/win situation for guys and girls imo, should be taught in school

By: jsgdk

jsgdk — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:09:10 +0000

Most women would prefer a pro-social dominant male, If one isnt present she will always prefer a aggressive dominant male over a non-dominant one. Girls dont like assholes, they are attracted to some of the atributes of the asshole.

By: truthhurts

truthhurts — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:45:16 +0000

Layofshallot, I understand what you are saying. I liked guys that I could relate to about my bad childhood and who could understand struggle. ItÂ´s almost like you recognize eachother and feel safe and understood. More so than with a good guy (even if they are absolutely genuine). Good guys always made me feel uneasy. Partly because they couldnÂ´t understand everything about me and partly because I felt I wasnÂ´t good enough. As if I would never measure up against the good girls whom they should be with instead of me.

But…. when you have a history in common, you also share your problems, your fears. All of my badboy relationships were disfunctional for this reason.

Now that I have overcome my childhood and have learned that I am good enough. That I AM a good girl. Now I stay clear of badboys, they only drag me down again and I donÂ´t need the recognition any more. Only emotionally healthy people from now on.

You sound like you have given up on the possibility that there are nice guys that are really nice. That donÂ´t change or have a hidden agenda. But they do exist. Would be a shame to give up on them…

By: ladyofshallot

ladyofshallot — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:36:43 +0000

Let me tell you of one more experience I’ve had. I met two guys one good guy who had a gf for 3 yrs another was bad boy new girl on his arm every other day. I liked the good guy do you know who he finally ended up with? A woman who had multiple abortions no education no job her whole life who was hanging around 3 other men. He doesn’t pick me the educated intelligent woman he picks her for whatever reason.
Let the record show even if you are a great gf that may not be what the nice guy is looking for. He might be looking for drama. The way I understand it bad boys in a relationship want redemption so they do well w/ the good girl vibe type of girl. Bad boys/jerks they are usually not happy with themselves. Maybe they want someone who will show them how great love can be but who is strong enough not to get sucked in.I think that liking bad boys also comes from having a dad who was similliar emotionally unavailable/workaholic etc but if you can resolve your issues w/ your dad you can be happy with whichever type of man you want.

By: ladyofshallot

ladyofshallot — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:27:21 +0000

Another thing I realized I liked bad boys because they’re like me emotionally unavailable. Maybe they can relate to abandonment addiction in family etc because something like that usually happened to them. I can’t hate bad boys because the guy that gives off the bad vibe is usually the guy that does the right thing in the end. Also do you love them because they understand you to your core. Not in a superficial male/female way but in a way that is as solid as the ground under your feet. I would prefer that over some pretentuous nice guy who can’t admit that all he wants is sex but he’ll take you out and mislead you and have another girl/guy on the side.

By: ladyofshallot

ladyofshallot — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:23:55 +0000

I’ve always dated nice guys and met my first bad boy a few months ago. We had to part but I hope for a reuinion. He showed me who he was a horrible person but no surprises I like that. Despite wanting to hate him still had to appreciate his guts.
He’s the worst of the bad boys but as a rule those guys are honest. They don’t pretend to be nice act like a gentlemen and then when you are emotionally attached pull the rug from under your feet. I am starting to prefer bad boys or flawed guys because what you see is exactly what you get. I want to know what I am getting. If you have dated nice guys like I have you would realize once you get to know them there is no guarantee that they will give you what you want, continue to treat you well, be loyal or won’t do something horrible.

By: sarah

sarah — Wed, 20 May 2009 22:27:46 +0000

Yeah what is it about bad boys. I have been dating one for almost two years, my children hate him so why am i still with him. hes not taken me out for seven months, every time we arrange to go he cancells, and his excuse is always the same, hes ill. i keep breaking away from him, but he keeps coming back one sound from his sexy voice and im their, hes like a drug. But i know that one day ill be free from this emotional relationship, if i dont im never gonna find happiness.

By: Drama Seekers: It’s time to get off the relationship crack

Drama Seekers: It’s time to get off the relationship crack — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:28:46 +0000

[...] adrenaline, a signal to pursue and stay emotionally invested, and they make the mistake of believing that they love the man when in fact they love feeling created by him bringing drama to the [...]

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 20:04:41 +0000

NML – Thx for responding. Where do I find the post once it is ready? I have another question? My man came to me recently separated. Red Flag I know now from reading your site info. We go way back & dated in college. Is it possible for a man to only be unavailable due a situation say a separation. His wife had an affair. I ask because after a year of investing in this relationship (which was long distance to boot)he broke it off with me & after hiding me for a year & introduced this “new” girl to his mother & childre after weeks of breaking it off with me. I was crushed. We talked about a future. He sucked me in telling me everything I wanted to hear by email & was totally different in person. He has many sign of EUM’s but I am trying to determine if he really is or if he was just unavailable to me. I believed at 1st he hid me to buy his children some emotional time. I feel like I will never know & it haunts me.

By: NML

NML — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:42:44 +0000

Hi Kim, thanks for your question! I will write a post on this and post the link when it’s done!

By: Kim

Kim — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:15:26 +0000

How can I tell if my man was really emotionally unavailable or if it was just my insecurities that made the relationship fail?

By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:15:27 +0000

Brad – thx for ur response on Feb. 22nd re: “another notch on the bed post”. What confuses me is this guy was married for 16 years. I will never know what his true intentions were for looking me up 25 years later. In my heart a part of me believes he did want to see what was there. It was a long distance relationship which made it very difficult. He often told me “I so wish you were here to come home to & how hard the distance was on him”. In my mind he still wasnt divorced & still isnt. I had heard from many that he had no relationship with his wife for 2+ years & that they barely spoke & had drifted apart. She was still in the house when he looked me up & he told me he had been dating some but Im not sure if that was true. I was hesitant to get involved so soon & made him wait several months but he did everything in his power to convince me he was through the “stages” & all that all they had left to do was to file a dissloution. To this day they have not filed yet I believe out of fear of financial constraints. His wife had an affair a couple of months prior to him looking me up which I believe brusied his ego regardless of their failing marriage. Someone with his insecurity could not fathom an affair I imagine. Not one person I have spoke with thinks he looked me up other than to use me & had a perfect out with me living in another state. I will never know the truth. He poured his heart out to me via email & was so romantic. He went out of his way to to convince me we had a 2nd shot at happiness & he was looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with & thought we had the “magic” it took for a lasting relationship. When we met he was totally different from those emails in person & everything changed. I didnt know if he just wasnt into me, if he had trouble expressing things in person, or if it was all a line to get me to hook up. He was very closed off & didnt like to discuss feelings which was so TOTALLY opposite of his emails & I didnt understant it at all. As time went on everything seemed to be about him, he always called to talk about his life, his friends & always made comments like “My friends are living vicariously through me & they say I’m the new town whore because I have a Hummer & I’m single & they tease me about having 3somes because I had 2 ladies over here to clean last night”. I didnt understand why he would make comments like that. He told me to please always be open & tell him if something was bothering me & when I did he would get upset & feel attacked for some reason. I got the impression from comments he made to me that his wife had problems with his “flirting” & bragging about other women. He would say she was insecure & PLEASE dont be that way with him. I could have accepted him not feeling comfortable being open & I loved everything else about him except for the “women” comments. He was so full of life, fun, & we had a phenominal sex life. I’m not convinced he follows through on things with women as much as he brags but I may be wrong. What pains me the most is after a year of telling me he loved me & mwwting a dozen times & clicking, talking about a future & how we belong together, he meets another girl & introduces her to his kids & mother weeks after ending it with me! Is it becauue she is local & it is all about him? Is that love? She is younger, has $, no kids & lives there. No brainer I guess. Just wish he wouldnt have kept telling me he loved me & to move there right up until he met her! I was SO hurt he couls just turn his feelings off like that & that he hid me for a year. We used to daydream of our time together & I feel she is reaping the benefits of everything I waited to have. I believed he just needed that year to adjust. I truly regret now not moving sooner. I told him from day one I would & it has been my intention for years. I feel I missed the opportunity of a lifetime out of fear. I have family & a daughter there but was afraid to start over. It was all right in my hands & I let it slip away. He had told me he didnt know how to tell his kids he was dating someone out of state. I did believe he wanted to buy his kids some “emotional” time & was understanding at 1st but then he wouldnt even go to a wedding with me a year into the relationship & I was very hurt. I have waited my entire life to feel this way again & didnt understand why he would withdrawal at times. I thought I was playing it so cool, not pressuring him at all. What I need for closure is to know if he really played me or did I do something? Ive been reading a lot on men & relationships & it seems I have made a lot of mistakes. He also has many signs of emotional unavailability. So my 2 haunting questions that I may never get answers to are this? 1) Were his women comments to keep me at arms length & was he emotionally unavailable to just me?
2) Is he making those comments to this new girl? Is he capable of love of is everything for his comfort & benefit? I may never know. I have been through so much loss. This was my chance for happiness after all I have been through. It is a cruel joke to me to bring someone back into my life I never got over & have it not work.
Something to throw a wrench in there – I was home for the holidays 8 weeks after we broke up. I had heard he was “attached at the hip” with his new girl & she had met his kids, friends & mom. I sent him a text because I wanted to get some closure & talk to him & ask him why he hid me. He jumped at the chance to see me & asked “what did you have in mind”? Guess who he slept with while his girlfriend was out of town? I guess I have my answer… I guess I wanted to believe he truly loved me. My ex abandoned me with 2 children 8 years ago & had an affair. It was hard to put myself out there again & trust. I did it & a man never got over 25 years ago did the same thing to me. It has been too much to bare & I am having trouble letting go & not sure where to go from here. I know that was a lot to take in. Is this guy a selfish player? Everyone says if he truly loved me he would have waited. I dont know. He is a man, it had been a year & the distance was tough. They say men have to “be” with a woman to get closer & women can just “talk”. The distance would make that difficult if that is true. That is why I kick myself. He moved on.

By: Drama Seekers: ladies do love drama…

Drama Seekers: ladies do love drama… — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 13:33:38 +0000

[...] Is women loving jerks and Bad Boys really a dating myth? [...]