N I would be more than happy to give you a bitch slap when you need one *winks*

Jokes aside, I am sorry that you are going through a tough time, let me know if I can do anything to help ..

xx

HAF =)

I’ve been struggling with this very issue. Thanks for the pimp slap!

Come on, HAF and NML, you HAD to know that joke was coming…

Ixx

Its time to realise that the past is not necessairly a bad thing at all. Like i said its makes us part of who we are today and we are better off for it.

In reagrds as to what to do to start clearing the baggage once you have recognised that you HAVE some.

Then its time to start replacing old habits that did not serve you with habits that do serve you.

I’ll come out with a post next week and going through a lot of things that i found helped me out too!

HAF

When it comes to self-improvement, I’m a big proponent of tough love. It there’s a negative behavior or self-destructive pattern, you MUST be hard on yourself, but in a loving way, in order to force change. I think it’s as simple as saying this:
“I really fucked that one up, but I’m going to fix it/not do it again because I’m a totally cool dude.”

At the moment, I think the best way to break out of negative behaviors is to have a strong mentor figure that can lovingly pimp slap when you do something stupid. The problem is trustworthy mentors are very hard to find. Another solution is to empower a friend or peer to fulfill the same roll. I’m preparing a blog post on this very subject, so will detail more later…

Ashley’s right – it’s hard, but you need to be vigilant and it does get easier. Think of it as creating a new habit – over time, it will become automatic.

Something that interested me was a question asked in a magazine I was reading – that if you look closely at your relationship, you’ll often find that part of your attraction has to do with unexpressed emotions that your partner expresses for you – in my case, my EUM expressed anger and irresponsibility – two things I ruthlessly repress. In his case, I suspect my overt rebellion/iconoclasm against the Catholic Church was what he couldn’t express.

Once I understood that, along with how I always chased my narcissistic father for attention, it became a lot easier to disengage from the pattern.

Good luck…and great series, NML! xx

What is working for me, is that in this 30 days of no drama – I am just refraining from reaching out for the attention I crave from my ex, emotionally unavailable, flame. I keep reminding myself of how he will make me feel good for a hour, or a day or a few days – and then make me feel like cr*p by falling short of my “expectations” of his behavior.

I am finding that I am attracting better and more positive interaction with people (men and women), and my work, in place of my spending time focused on him.

And that makes it all the more easy to fend off the next time I feel tempted to reach out for attention from that assclown.

Also, don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Just vow to learn from it and remember the pain from the negative feelings created as a result of the slip up. It has helped me be stronger in avoiding any further slip ups.

Yes, we are responsible for where we are. Once I realized that – it became a lot easier to take responsibility for getting better and closing the door on the past.