Comments on: Keeping It Real About Valentine’s Day

By: Used

Used — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:17:13 +0000

Lisa–
“[I]t was obvious from seeing him [at the play], that they are miserable” is what you wrote. From that, I took it that he was with his wife and family, when you saw him at your son’s play. Doesn’t matter, though, b/c the fact is that he is still with them anyways. Good for you, acknowledging the wife when you saw him and sticking to not contacting him! Next time he “runs into” you, take it up a level and completely ignore him!

By: lisa

lisa — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:45:59 +0000

From reading some of your posts, I realized that now that I’m almost on the other side of getting over a bad relationship, I should reread the “Mr. Unavailable” book from my new perspective! It was that very book that helped me see myself clearly from someone else’s objective (sometimes harsh) perspective, and I was able to slowly gain the strength to put this behind me once and for all! I don’t know about everyone else, but I tried “no contact” a bunch of times with no success…. he or I always broke it after a few weeks, but the last time, I just was DONE! And it stuck. I guess it really is like an addiction. I hope to be able to be on the encouraging end of these posts where I can help someone else when they’re in the hard part of these break-ups. But for now, I’m thankful that people are taking the time to paint a clear picture for me.

By: Tina

Tina — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:22:36 +0000

Tulipa, thanks for posting the section on why they spoil things. I’ll look it up in the Fallback girl and re-read. I have read it twice but there is so much good in it, I need to read it again.

By: myalmostlover

myalmostlover — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:06:03 +0000

For some reason it won’t let me post the the links to these two songs but they’re good ones:

“Goodbye My Almost Lover”…by A Fine Frenzy

“Never Again”….by Kelly Clarkson

By: myalmostlover

myalmostlover — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:03:16 +0000

Ok here’s my original post:

nysharon……

A good one is “Goodbye My Almost Lover” by A Fine Frenzy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

Another one is “Never Again” by Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPKUdoBKVqc

By: myalmostlover

myalmostlover — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:59:50 +0000

Weird I posted twice and it didn’t show up. Maybe three times a charm….lol

By: myalmostlover

myalmostlover — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:56:52 +0000

nysharon…..

My fav is “Goodbye My Almost Lover”, by a Fine Frenzy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

Another good one “Never Again” by Kelly Clarkson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPKUdoBKVqc

By: myalmostlover

myalmostlover — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:52:50 +0000

Sharon….

My fav is “Goodbye My Almost Lover” by a Fine Frenzy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

Another good one is “Never Again” by Kelly Clarkson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPKUdoBKVqc

By: ts

ts — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:52:16 +0000

Hey everyone,
We will all be OK, just keep the chin up and move ahead!
Best to all, you all deserve the best. ts.

By: Tulipa

Tulipa — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:21:19 +0000

Thanks ts you are right no point in pondering.. I am re reading NMls book The Falback Girl.. just because I have a different perspective now I’ve finally got rid of him.. and this is what I found in answer that makes sense too…
“Mr. Unavailables always get nervous around anything that they perceive as a big occasion that might cause you to think that they are in a committed relationship with or that you’re special. Their response is to act like assholes so you don’t get any big ideas”

But yes it is time to look at me and forget him…

Lisa it is okay just start over lesson learned.. good luck …

By: ts

ts — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:05:37 +0000

Hey Lisa,

Your OK, don’t ever believe otherwise.

You just got yourself caught up in something you did not expect.
Like you said, you are a great functioning human being, i.e. working single mom who got sidelined by a man who told you many things that distracted you. Don’t beat yourself up, just get away from him, let him go, and move on.

Focus on yourself and your two children now. That is what seems to be important in the long run.

Yes, it is hard to let go of ego strokes, even from our side. Don’t let those vacuous strokes dissuade you from what is important.

I wish you well, ts.

By: lisa

lisa — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:10:44 +0000

Hi Gaynor, ts, and Used. Thank you for all your input. It is really hard for me to believe I’m even here writing on a site about this, but I am so thankful for all of your comments and truthfulness.

His wife wasn’t with him, but she might as well have been. ‘When talking to him at the show, I asked him how his wife was point blank, and he just sort of skiddishly rolled his eyes and said, “I don’t know.” I felt sorry for him. The reason I thought he looked miserable was because since the last time I saw him, he looked really skinny (not in a good way) and all blood shot, etc… but I believe and embrace EVERYTHING, EVERY PIECE OF ADVICE AND INFORMATION you all are sharing with me. It keeps me strong and convinced that I am on the right path. About 5 months ago, I would have never thought that I could break this cycle. I was still immersed in trying to get him to see how good I’d be for him. Yuck!

I really am for the most part a normal, fairly happy mom and single parent. I have my own business and have friends that I hang with when I’m not working or ‘parenting’ and I know I’ll get past this. I’m still totally flabergasted that I ever got myself into this kind of situation, though. If you knew my life, I’m just this normal mom of teenagers, they have friends who come over and hang out. I’m a musician, I play at church and have a great network of good people in my life. It is still all so surreal even though I let myself fall for him nearly 3 years ago or maybe a little less. I just don’t understand why he let me think he was leaving, and even more, I don’t understand why I tried to believe it for so long. But the one thing I do understand is that I have to stay away and let it be over permanently. It took awhile to accept that.

By: ts

ts — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:05:25 +0000

Tulipa,
I guess my response to your “why do they do that” question, would be, (to quote the knowledge learned on NMLs board), that they are managing down expectations and that you (we) are trying to find reason in the unreasonable. Sometimes it is truly best to not wonder why so much, just accept what it is, and try to move on. The asking is what may make you the most crazy and unhappy. Just the fact that it makes no sense is the best answer. Don’t torture yourself with the why anymore, comfort yourself with what you can do to remove yourself from the insane situation in the first place.
Best to you and all, ts.

By: ph2072

ph2072 — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 01:23:28 +0000

Makes sense. Thanks for th entry.

By: Used

Used — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 01:11:16 +0000

Lisa–
(Oops, typo above) The facts: he hadn’t heard from you for 2 mos.; anticipation of V-Day comes upon the world; the DAY BEFORE V-Day, he goes to what he knows is your turf WITH his wife and family in tow, and you see this; he knows you see this; your son is performing; you THANK HIM for coming to see the play (why? Do you think he came to see your son, or out of respect for you? And why do you care if he came to see it at all, anyways?); he gets angry and childish when you tell him “no relationship.”

So he SHOWED you that he was with his wife. AND family. You took the bait anyways–that he went out of his way to see “your” play, the fruits of “your” work with your son–and wrote to him, violating NC. When he got mad, he showed his true self: that he was in this for selfish reasons, to use you, meanwhile also SHOWING YOU his devotion to his wife and kid. So you would have, again, gone into this wide-eyed, if you chose to see him. He acted with complete disrespect to you and your wishes of NC; and in expecting you to start things up with him after seeing him with his wife! So he is dissing his wife, too!

He got mad b/c he saw that you are smart and won’tlet him have his cake and eat it, too!