Comments on: Knowing If You Feel Good In New Relationships Part Two http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:33:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Enlightened http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-252000 Enlightened Tue, 19 Jan 2010 07:13:15 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-252000 'Is the relationship progressing or is it in fits and starts with a bit of a two steps forward, two steps back scenario? You’ll feel good in a relationship that is gradually progressing. You’ll find that when you have felt bad, it’s either because it took off with great intensity and then rapidly receded and then dipped up and down, or it got off to a slow canter, edged forward a bit, then slow canter and after a while, you felt like you were pulling teeth. Good relationships progress.' I reiterate everything that everyone has said before me. Natalie's current article has, as have all others, completely hit the right spot and gone to the heart of the matter. The quoted paragraph above says it all. Most of your anguish about a relationship is the confusion of something that started with intensity with what 'appeared' to be so much clarity about caring and desire for something serious and 'suddenly' out of nowhere it turns into..... the opposite of that.... by the very person who wanted it so badly! Here we see the stops and starts....(a.k.a. blowing hot and cold). These interactions continue to stay at that level and with that dynamic through out the rest of the 'dance'....for ever how long that is, if you let it. It never progresses. It remains stuck....wheel in frustration. Good relationships are consistent and progress. Simple. ‘Is the relationship progressing or is it in fits and starts with a bit of a two steps forward, two steps back scenario? You’ll feel good in a relationship that is gradually progressing. You’ll find that when you have felt bad, it’s either because it took off with great intensity and then rapidly receded and then dipped up and down, or it got off to a slow canter, edged forward a bit, then slow canter and after a while, you felt like you were pulling teeth. Good relationships progress.’

I reiterate everything that everyone has said before me. Natalie’s current article has, as have all others, completely hit the right spot and gone to the heart of the matter.

The quoted paragraph above says it all.

Most of your anguish about a relationship is the confusion of something that started with intensity with what ‘appeared’ to be so much clarity about caring and desire for something serious and ‘suddenly’ out of nowhere it turns into….. the opposite of that…. by the very person who wanted it so badly! Here we see the stops and starts….(a.k.a. blowing hot and cold). These interactions continue to stay at that level and with that dynamic through out the rest of the ‘dance’….for ever how long that is, if you let it. It never progresses. It remains stuck….wheel in frustration.

Good relationships are consistent and progress.

Simple.

]]> By: Melanie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251999 Melanie Tue, 19 Jan 2010 04:18:07 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251999 I've been reading your posts for some time and they are excellant! But now I've been dating a guy for the last month and a half and it's going good. He calls when he says, takes me out on dates and we are communicating atleast three times a week. I am a little on guard because I briefly dated him six yrs ago. I knew him through friends and it was no secret that he was a ladies man. He says he has changed and I'm enjoying his company. At this point, I don't know what to do.... There is so much great advice about getting over and starting newer and healthier relationships but what then? After a month and a half, I am not sure what conversation is OK to start? I don't want to ruin it by prying too deeply and I don't want to seem disinterested in who he is... What type of attention is appropriate at a two month stage? UKH... Is there a timeline for certain conversations? I feel absolutely clueless and clam up in fear of being misunderstood and giving him the wrong impression or chasing him away before I have formed my real opinion of him :( I am positive that in his mind, he is still thinking me over and I don't want to sabotage it... I’ve been reading your posts for some time and they are excellant! But now I’ve been dating a guy for the last month and a half and it’s going good. He calls when he says, takes me out on dates and we are communicating atleast three times a week. I am a little on guard because I briefly dated him six yrs ago. I knew him through friends and it was no secret that he was a ladies man. He says he has changed and I’m enjoying his company.

At this point, I don’t know what to do…. There is so much great advice about getting over and starting newer and healthier relationships but what then? After a month and a half, I am not sure what conversation is OK to start? I don’t want to ruin it by prying too deeply and I don’t want to seem disinterested in who he is… What type of attention is appropriate at a two month stage? UKH… Is there a timeline for certain conversations? I feel absolutely clueless and clam up in fear of being misunderstood and giving him the wrong impression or chasing him away before I have formed my real opinion of him :( I am positive that in his mind, he is still thinking me over and I don’t want to sabotage it…

]]> By: bebe http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251998 bebe Tue, 19 Jan 2010 02:05:33 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251998 NML, You wrote in one of your older posts that love requires action. However, I'd like to add (probably in a roundabout way of saying exactly what you were saying) that love IS an action. We tend to think of love as being an emotion. But we should really think of it as a verb. Loving someone is not just about feeling it or showing what you are feeling; it's about DOING it. Loving them. Period. So, yeah..what you said...I think ;) Sorry if this is totally unrelated. It was just a thought. NML,

You wrote in one of your older posts that love requires action. However, I’d like to add (probably in a roundabout way of saying exactly what you were saying) that love IS an action. We tend to think of love as being an emotion. But we should really think of it as a verb. Loving someone is not just about feeling it or showing what you are feeling; it’s about DOING it. Loving them. Period. So, yeah..what you said…I think ;)

Sorry if this is totally unrelated. It was just a thought.

]]> By: MaryC http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251997 MaryC Tue, 19 Jan 2010 01:22:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251997 Another great post, lots to think about and absorb. My favorite line is "Communication is not all verbal – it’s your actions too, and also what goes unsaid and undone". I've always thought the verbal is the easy part, its what isn't said or done that is the most telling of a relationship. RES...I too have saved a fortune in therapy bills by coming to this site. No matter what's on my mind I can always find a post that helps and reading the comments from others is so helpful. Just knowing you're not alone is great comfort. Another great post, lots to think about and absorb. My favorite line is “Communication is not all verbal – it’s your actions too, and also what goes unsaid and undone”. I’ve always thought the verbal is the easy part, its what isn’t said or done that is the most telling of a relationship.

RES…I too have saved a fortune in therapy bills by coming to this site. No matter what’s on my mind I can always find a post that helps and reading the comments from others is so helpful. Just knowing you’re not alone is great comfort.

]]> By: freeatlast http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251995 freeatlast Mon, 18 Jan 2010 23:13:17 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251995 So true! Relationships should make you feel good emotionally not lots of highs followed by lows. It's the highs that draw you in and the way that they can act interested as if they have real feelings, panicking when they think you have lost interest. So confusing when they blow cold then back to hot again! Oh the thought of going through that again gives me the shivers! So much better, calmer, real to have a healthy loving relationship. AC's need not apply this time! So true! Relationships should make you feel good emotionally not lots of highs followed by lows. It’s the highs that draw you in and the way that they can act interested as if they have real feelings, panicking when they think you have lost interest. So confusing when they blow cold then back to hot again!

Oh the thought of going through that again gives me the shivers! So much better, calmer, real to have a healthy loving relationship.

AC’s need not apply this time!

]]> By: Blaise Parker http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251994 Blaise Parker Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:02:34 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251994 I loved these two posts. I am in a wonderful, healthy relationship and I can tell you, NML hit it right on the head. I come here to keep learning and my partner sometimes reads the posts over my shoulder and makes his own comments! One thing he said, Natalie, was that the tone of the articles sometimes seems like all men are bad. He says it feels a bit harsh to him, but that the advice is very right on. He nods his head in agreement as he read along with the posts. Keep up the good work, Natalie, you are helping many of us, whether in relationship or not. I loved these two posts. I am in a wonderful, healthy relationship and I can tell you, NML hit it right on the head. I come here to keep learning and my partner sometimes reads the posts over my shoulder and makes his own comments!

One thing he said, Natalie, was that the tone of the articles sometimes seems like all men are bad. He says it feels a bit harsh to him, but that the advice is very right on. He nods his head in agreement as he read along with the posts.

Keep up the good work, Natalie, you are helping many of us, whether in relationship or not.

]]> By: RES http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251992 RES Mon, 18 Jan 2010 19:56:59 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251992 Another fabulous post, Natalie. A real gem. Your sound advice has saved me a fortune in therapy. You can't imagine how much I've benefited from your site. :-) Thanks a million! Another fabulous post, Natalie. A real gem. Your sound advice has saved me a fortune in therapy. You can’t imagine how much I’ve benefited from your site. :-)

Thanks a million!

]]> By: de-lightedtobefree http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251991 de-lightedtobefree Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:56:37 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251991 Remember that all relationships with a decent prospect of feeling good and progressing need love (actions that show that they love you and when starting out show the potential for love), care, trust, and respect. You need consistency, integrity, communication, and actions matching words. You need to be open to receiving love and put both of your feet in. You need to feel good about you so that you aren’t questioning and second guessing yourself, but most of all, so that you know your own feelings. Ultimately, if you keep it real, you know if you feel good and you can trust in it. Exhale, embrace, and most of all, enjoy! And to add to that :)... if you are doing all of this and he isn't... run!!!! fab post thanks Natalie! I'm working throught the NC book and it is sooo calming, it's bringing me down to earth, giving me food to fill me up and helping, really really helping keep NC going, meanwhile empowering and soothing me. You are truly a healer. Thank you!! Remember that all relationships with a decent prospect of feeling good and progressing need love (actions that show that they love you and when starting out show the potential for love), care, trust, and respect. You need consistency, integrity, communication, and actions matching words. You need to be open to receiving love and put both of your feet in. You need to feel good about you so that you aren’t questioning and second guessing yourself, but most of all, so that you know your own feelings. Ultimately, if you keep it real, you know if you feel good and you can trust in it. Exhale, embrace, and most of all, enjoy!

And to add to that :) … if you are doing all of this and he isn’t… run!!!!

fab post thanks Natalie! I’m working throught the NC book and it is sooo calming, it’s bringing me down to earth, giving me food to fill me up and helping, really really helping keep NC going, meanwhile empowering and soothing me. You are truly a healer.

Thank you!!

]]> By: Loving Annie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251990 Loving Annie Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:24:11 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251990 This wonderful, NML. THANK YOU. I will bookmark and remember it for when I start to date again. Everything you mentioned is EXACTLY what things should look/feel and be like. .-= Loving Annie´s last blog ..<a href="http://truetraveltreasures.blogspot.com/2010/01/bluefin-newport-beach.html" rel="nofollow">Bluefin, Newport Beach</a> =-. This wonderful, NML.
THANK YOU.
I will bookmark and remember it for when I start to date again.
Everything you mentioned is EXACTLY what things should look/feel and be like.
.-= Loving Annie´s last blog ..Bluefin, Newport Beach =-.

]]> By: Happy Soul http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/comment-page-1/#comment-251983 Happy Soul Mon, 18 Jan 2010 11:31:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-if-you-feel-good-in-new-relationships-part-two/#comment-251983 Thank you so much Natalie!!! With all this knowledge now, no one going to "play" me around:-) I will not allow!!! Thank you so much Natalie!!! With all this knowledge now, no one going to “play” me around:-) I will not allow!!!

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