Anyway, that all ended after me still pursuing him regardless of knowing he was an EUM and finally got over it.

Now i am in the situation of knowing that i continuously go after the same types, but finding it hard to break the habit and start focusing on me first and getting my self esteem in order so i am able to find a decent partner in the future.

I have recently gotten back in contact with a guy who i was seeing for a little while on and off a few years ago. At the time he was telling me he was afraid of commitment but did really like me, but couldn’t be in a relationship. I finally told him one day that it wasn’t good enough and if you like someone then commitment issues or not, you want to be with them and make it work. So i didn’t contact him after that and then i found out about 2 weeks later he had met someone and she became his g/f for the next 3 years.

Now they have broken up, and he wants to catch up and see me. But, trusting my instincts i know that this could be just going back to the same old situatuon i have been in too many times now, but yet i feel like i am still going to do it anyway. We haven’t met up yet but he has given me his number and has said via IM for me not to expect him to be more mature than what he was before, if anything he is less mature. So…obviously this is a red flag which i am either going to shove aside and say to myself, “yeah i’m going to see him anyway and something might develop” or say to myself, “i’ve had enough of this and don’t have the energy to go through this crap again”!

I tell myself that i will just “catch up” with him, see how he’s going etc, but really who am i kidding. Only myself, because him and i both know we are not just going to sit there talking and asking how each other has been over the last few years.

Plus, he still talks to his ex, so if i really look at the situation, what the hell am i thinking and why am i even still considering seeing him? Is it because i am emotionally unavailable too and am not yet ready to expect more for myself and wait for someone who actually wants to be with me too?

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

If you tell him that you “like” something, he immediately stops doing it, or makes sure that he never starts doing it if he hasn’t already. (This could happen both in sex or non-sex scenarios.) My EUM did this. This was SO ODD to me. He did this both in sex, and non sex stuff. I couldn’t figure it out.

Also, the “red flags” may be there, but you don’t have experience with them, and, thus, don’t recognize the red flags. For me, the “if I like it, he stopped doing it” was definitely a “red flag” but I had never encountered this before.

Also, my EUM asked me to move in with him after two months. The “Red flag” (which I did recognize, but ignored it) was that during the two months, we had never spent 24 hours together, or even a weekend together. RED FLAG.