Comments on: Knowing When To Work at Your Relationship Part One http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kissie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255807 Kissie Wed, 31 Mar 2010 14:37:53 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255807 I think all relationships take work. Life is about work. Working on yourself or working at your job, but you gotta work. Nothing gets done without some effort being put into it. Like Natalie, I agree that we have to change ourselves and our perceptions about men and love and relationships in order to find the knd of committed love we want. We have to value ourselves enough to know when to work at a relationship and when to pack it in. If you're dealing with a man and although not "perfect" in what you've programmed yourself to believe is "perfection", but he does what he says he's going to do for the most part, he's pretty reliable, he's respectful towards you but dosen't always agree with you on everything, you enjoy each other's comapnay and conversation, he has your back and genuinely cares about you, that's a relationship I think you can work on, because yo have someone who is willing to work on the relationship with you. If he's a complete douche and we all know one when we've been around them long enough, we have to have the couage to leave, we have to value ourselves enough to go. I think all relationships take work. Life is about work. Working on yourself or working at your job, but you gotta work. Nothing gets done without some effort being put into it. Like Natalie, I agree that we have to change ourselves and our perceptions about men and love and relationships in order to find the knd of committed love we want. We have to value ourselves enough to know when to work at a relationship and when to pack it in. If you’re dealing with a man and although not “perfect” in what you’ve programmed yourself to believe is “perfection”, but he does what he says he’s going to do for the most part, he’s pretty reliable, he’s respectful towards you but dosen’t always agree with you on everything, you enjoy each other’s comapnay and conversation, he has your back and genuinely cares about you, that’s a relationship I think you can work on, because yo have someone who is willing to work on the relationship with you. If he’s a complete douche and we all know one when we’ve been around them long enough, we have to have the couage to leave, we have to value ourselves enough to go.

]]> By: shattered http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255791 shattered Wed, 31 Mar 2010 08:56:21 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255791 Thanks Mary. You're right I know. I just wish he'd even bothered to reply to my text (his only way of communicating) then I might feel less totally ignored - as if I never mattered at all. That's what I'm finding difficult. Thanks Mary. You’re right I know. I just wish he’d even bothered to reply to my text (his only way of communicating) then I might feel less totally ignored – as if I never mattered at all. That’s what I’m finding difficult.

]]> By: MaryC http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255738 MaryC Wed, 31 Mar 2010 03:11:53 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255738 @shattered....You have every right to be angry and upset but by keeping NC and being aware of these red flags in the future you'll do fine. Its only natural to feel bad about how he treated you and the sting of rejection takes time to heal from. From what you told us you're so much better off and so much better than that. Like NML has said time and time again....Don't ever be someone's option. Hang in there you're not alone. Really a 20yr old going out with a 64yr old, she needs to be on this site. Can't imagine where she'll be in 5yrs. @shattered….You have every right to be angry and upset but by keeping NC and being aware of these red flags in the future you’ll do fine. Its only natural to feel bad about how he treated you and the sting of rejection takes time to heal from. From what you told us you’re so much better off and so much better than that. Like NML has said time and time again….Don’t ever be someone’s option. Hang in there you’re not alone.

Really a 20yr old going out with a 64yr old, she needs to be on this site. Can’t imagine where she’ll be in 5yrs.

]]> By: shattered http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255630 shattered Tue, 30 Mar 2010 13:30:58 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255630 I've been seeing my eum for 9 months. he's taken me out twice to dinner but said he preferred to stay in. I now realise I was just a booty call. He has a harem of women friends and is now taking out a 20 year old (he's 64, never married), despite 'preferring to stay in'. He says she's just a friend but seems obsessed with her. I've decided to call it a day. So why do I feel so upset and rejected? I sent him a text to end it but he hasn't even bothered to reply. I was a fashion model when I was younger and men seem to still find me attractive, so why am I so bothered about this guy? He said he loved me, then said he didn't want to get close to anyone, yet is seeing this new girl almost daily, as well as his harem, who he texts regularly. Why am I so angry and upset? I know I'm well rid of him. I’ve been seeing my eum for 9 months. he’s taken me out twice to dinner but said he preferred to stay in. I now realise I was just a booty call. He has a harem of women friends and is now taking out a 20 year old (he’s 64, never married), despite ‘preferring to stay in’. He says she’s just a friend but seems obsessed with her. I’ve decided to call it a day. So why do I feel so upset and rejected? I sent him a text to end it but he hasn’t even bothered to reply. I was a fashion model when I was younger and men seem to still find me attractive, so why am I so bothered about this guy? He said he loved me, then said he didn’t want to get close to anyone, yet is seeing this new girl almost daily, as well as his harem, who he texts regularly. Why am I so angry and upset? I know I’m well rid of him.

]]> By: Vanna http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255569 Vanna Tue, 30 Mar 2010 06:40:12 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255569 There is a question that goes: “How do you knock some sense in to people who need to change?” The answer is: “You don’t. you knock some sense in to yourself.”Some relationships could be worked at while others, there is absolutely no point. There is a question that goes: “How do you knock some sense in to people who need to change?” The answer is: “You don’t. you knock some sense in to yourself.”Some relationships could be worked at while others, there is absolutely no point.

]]> By: Heather G http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255565 Heather G Tue, 30 Mar 2010 05:58:02 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255565 I believe that ALL relationships even friendships should take work, I always have believed that and when someone doesn't step up to the plate, I usually have a word with them and then if they continue the trend I distance myself ... I have failed on a few occasions though, hence why I am here on this site. I believe that ALL relationships even friendships should take work, I always have believed that and when someone doesn’t step up to the plate, I usually have a word with them and then if they continue the trend I distance myself … I have failed on a few occasions though, hence why I am here on this site.

]]> By: Cathy J http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255529 Cathy J Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:26:29 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255529 Wow - the commitment comment about if you are not both committed that you are working on two different relationships is so true. Usually the woman falls harder first while the man is still working out if she is the one ... so she behaves committed, he does not profess that she is his...is this ringing any bells? Working on relationships vs perfect for each other... Did anyone see the Secrets to Love ABC documentary? It was so inspiring to see relationships explained from science and social science perspectives - especially about working on the relationship. Why would anyone think we don't need to when everything else in life requires work??? Thanks Natalie - am looking forward to the next part! .-= Cathy J´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.smartladydating.com/find-true-love-what-if-he%E2%80%99s-not-interested/" rel="nofollow">Find True Love: What if He’s Not Interested?</a> =-. Wow – the commitment comment about if you are not both committed that you are working on two different relationships is so true.

Usually the woman falls harder first while the man is still working out if she is the one … so she behaves committed, he does not profess that she is his…is this ringing any bells?

Working on relationships vs perfect for each other… Did anyone see the Secrets to Love ABC documentary? It was so inspiring to see relationships explained from science and social science perspectives – especially about working on the relationship. Why would anyone think we don’t need to when everything else in life requires work???

Thanks Natalie – am looking forward to the next part!
.-= Cathy J´s last blog ..Find True Love: What if He’s Not Interested? =-.

]]> By: Lina http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-255496 Lina Mon, 29 Mar 2010 21:05:06 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/knowing-when-to-work-at-your-relationship-part-one/#comment-255496 It's like you've read my mind or something - I've been thinking about whether we should try to make a go of our relationship but this confirms what I already know - that there's no 'we' and it's just 'me'. He doesn't see his issues or the relationship in the same way I do so how can we work at this? I wish we were the first type of relationship you mentioned but sadly I already know that we're "fundamentally incompatible". I'm trying to go where many women have gone before me. I thought he just needed the 'right' woman but he doesn't see me or ANY woman in that way and he's happy as he is. I'm not happy though. Thanks for all that you do as I needed to read this. It’s like you’ve read my mind or something – I’ve been thinking about whether we should try to make a go of our relationship but this confirms what I already know – that there’s no ‘we’ and it’s just ‘me’. He doesn’t see his issues or the relationship in the same way I do so how can we work at this? I wish we were the first type of relationship you mentioned but sadly I already know that we’re “fundamentally incompatible”. I’m trying to go where many women have gone before me. I thought he just needed the ‘right’ woman but he doesn’t see me or ANY woman in that way and he’s happy as he is. I’m not happy though. Thanks for all that you do as I needed to read this.

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