Learning How To Find Things

October 22, 2005 by NML

Before any gets excited, this is not a lesson finding the clitoris or the g-spot, but instead a few tips on how to cope when something goes missing around the house, the car, work etc.
The most important thing I can say is this: Getting pissy with your other half because you can’t pull yourself together to look for something constructively, despite being able to pull off deals for hundreds of thousands of £’s or $’s at work is not going to get you any closer to finding missing item.

Every week I listen to and watch my boss turning into a headless chicken over something else that he’s lost and until he locates it, everyone’s a suspect. 10 out of 10 times, it’s in the most obvious place, but he just chooses not to look there, and who am I to suggest anything?…
So when an item goes missing, please keep in mind the following things:

Where do you recall last seeing the item?

It’s so obvious and often overlooked, but it does require you to use your common sense and actually think about where you last saw it. It’s usually there or in the vicinity of it.

Use some logic
Why are you looking for your missing packed lunch in the bathroom? Think about the logical places where your item is likely to be as opposed to turning the house upside down and destroying all of the tidying up that has been done.

Stop F*cking Shouting

I said that for effect. Shouting at all and sundry and cursing the house down will not enable you to find the item any quicker and is unlikely to garner any help from your significant other. When any boyfriend has behaved like this, I have shut down and watched whilst laughing to myself as they get themselves into a state over their search….no wonder we’re no longer together! Likewise, if you’re on your own, you just look like a dick, and you’re expelling energy on futile shouting that could be better spent sitting down for a moment and thinking logically about the search.

Have you put it somewhere stupid?
If you have put the item in or on top of something disposable, it might be best to start your search in the bin. This is one of the dangers of not putting things in their appropriate places in the hope that someone else will come along and tidy it up for you. When it does get tidied, they put it away properly or if she’s feeling spiteful, she puts it away with the same amount of care that you did. Either way, it will take extra brain power or some polite questioning to help you now!

Is it in your coat, suit pocket or in the car? I remember years ago, my friends now husband screaming at her that he’d lost his wallet, destroying the house, rifling through the car, going through the dustbins, and then cancelling all of his cards in blind fury. He found the wallet under the drivers seat fifteen minutes after he’d cancelled the last card. We thought this was hilarious and took the piss out of him for ages. Likewise, I have several male friends who’ve cancelled cards and then discovered the wallet in the coat pocket…

I remember years ago, my friends now husband screaming at her that he’d lost his wallet, destroying the house, rifling through the car, going through the dustbins, and then cancelling all of his cards in blind fury. He found the wallet under the drivers seat fifteen minutes after he’d cancelled the last card. We thought this was hilarious and took the piss out of him for ages. Likewise, I have several male friends who’ve cancelled cards and then discovered the wallet in the coat pocket…