Lessons in Unavailability

February 17, 2006 by Jodi

I can be in a room full of 50 men and who do I go home with? Mr. Unavailable.
What is wrong with the male gender? How is it that they pick me out, disguising themselves as good partners but end up running away at the first sign of me connecting? I have asked myself these questions on more than one occasion. I am so good at picking up Mr. Unavailable that I have learned to play along with them by not expressing my needs and desires in fear of getting what I have been used to, abandonment.
Since I am so skilled I will share with you signs of unavailability so you can spot them right off the bat and blow, like the wind, in the opposite direction.

First of all, they are the first ones to approach you. They have no problem coming up to you in a social setting and laying down the tracks, making it easy to converse with them. They like to talk…. about themselves.
Mr. Unavailable is self absorbed. He comes with a variety of life experiences that are intriguing to the female gender. He will share them all with you in a nanosecond in hopes of a compassionate ear.
Speaking of nanoseconds, the unavailable guy is ready and willing to push all your attraction buttons. He will give you tons of attention and make you feel like you are a special lady by calling, emailing, text messaging daily and sometimes multiple times per day. He is very interested in hooking you really fast. This behavior we consider, “He is into me” behavior when it is actually a smoke screen for a “Hurry up, get her comfortable and into the bedroom” ploy.
After he has successfully wormed his way into your psyche and bed, he will then pull back as fast as he came on. He all of a sudden bolts in the opposite direction with limited to no phone calls, emails or text messages. Since you are already hooked into him, you start your “retrieve the man” process. You have fed off his attention and drama so you start creating some of your own by initiating the contact yourself.
This FREAKS Mr. Unavailable out! He doesn’t respond like he used to and he doesn’t make any attempt to connect with you anymore. All the fabulous things you have done together in the beginning have come to an abrupt halt. When you do, get some attention, in your gut, you know that something has changed. When you confront him, he says that he has been busy. If you are lucky, he may even be upfront with you and admit to all of a sudden, feeling “trapped”.
Now, this is what happens when you choose to get involved with Mr. Unavailable. I have learned, from experience, what you may find out about him in a short amount of time.
IF YOU SEE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING TRAITS, YOU ARE DAING MR. UNAVAILABLE! GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE TIME!!!!
1. Divorced less than 2 years
2. Contact with the ex that is more than just child related. He has not severed the emotional ties with the ex.
3. He tells you that he is “not ready” to settle down.
4. He calls you his girlfriend even though he is “not ready” to settle down.
5. He is wrapped up in himself so he has no time for your needs but doesn’t have a problem calling/stopping by when he is needy.
6. He can’t make ANY commitments, likes to take things day by day.
7. He has a profile on the internet and, according to him, it is because he wants to see how others “rate” his pictures.
Need I go on? There is more…
8. His online profile says “Looking for my Soulmate”
9. He has ex flings calling and text messaging him and he tells ME!
10. He says he doesn’t think he can love anyone….
There are variations of these traits but the key factor is that your instinct and gut tugs at you causing internal turmoil. These parts of your body are arguing with your mind that desires the guy to be exciting, dramatic and INTO YOU as well. Your mind says that this behavior is just a phase and you will get out of this guy what you need. You may trick yourself into believing it by being the “perfect girlfriend”. You try not being controlling or demanding in hopes they will come around and become your dream partner. I have found that this doesn’t happen because they are missing an important “piece” to themselves and that is why they behave this way. They many never find the missing piece and they may not even be aware there is one. To our dismay, there is absolutely nothing we can do!

What we can do, is work on ourselves to be unattractive to these guys.
What is working for me is utilizing the services of a Love Coach to accomplish this important mission. Believe it or not who we attract comes form within ourselves.
By dating unavailable guys, we are getting something out of it besides broken hearts and frustration! My Love Coach Rinatta Paries is helping me get out of this rut by examining what I get out of it and helping me to overcome my attraction problem.
Two years ago, I signed up for her free newsletter. The newsletters opened up my mind to a new world of knowledge. You can access her newsletters by following this link. After reading them for two years, I decided that I needed to go deeper into my attraction problem and took my first fee based eClass. In the eClass, the first thing Coach Rinatta had me do was examine myself and who I attract. She had me take a test called, Pattern Tracker. If you are interested, you can follow this link as I did and you will be taking the necessary steps to put your love life on the right track.
Once you are able to identify your own patterns and processes, you can then open your eyes to healthy dating. Love Coach Rinatta Paries has an awesome dating tool called Whom are You Dating. This valuable process gives you real tools to analyze the guys you meet in order to determine their emotional availability potential. You will definitely want to order this eClass. Again, I want to let you know that there is a fee for the eClasses and individual coaching but her newsletters are free of charge.
Honesty, my Love Coach has brought me to a place where I really feel that I am finally growing in my relationship skills. She offers various ways of getting you the help you need. If you would like to contact my Love Coach and fix YOUR love life, visit her site
You owe it to yourself to stop dating these guys and let them fix themselves.
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If you’re into unavailable men, why not check out our new blog dedicated to the subject