Comments on: Lovenomics: Managing Your Desire to Be the Exception in Relationships – Part One http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:03:06 +0200 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Dawn http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253667 Dawn Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:10:50 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253667 Hi Sherry, What you wrote spoke to me and has helped me understand so much. "The pattern was set at that young age, the pattern of taking sh*t from men." "Most of us are women in here and perhaps most of us got this way because of the foundation and the fundamentality of our childhood and our relationships with our Fathers and Mothers or whoever our guardians were." Now for the million dollar question-what do we do now that we know this? How do we learn to think and be different so we don't get into this situation again and again? Hi Sherry,
What you wrote spoke to me and has helped me understand so much.
“The pattern was set at that young age, the pattern of taking sh*t from men.”
“Most of us are women in here and perhaps most of us got this way because of the foundation and the fundamentality of our childhood and our relationships with our Fathers and Mothers or whoever our guardians were.”
Now for the million dollar question-what do we do now that we know this? How do we learn to think and be different so we don’t get into this situation again and again?

]]> By: thanksdogitisover http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253207 thanksdogitisover Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:20:18 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253207 Used, thank you very much for this post. Every time I find something that matches my own experience with EUM I feel liberated a lot. This fits 100 %. I can only add that even if this sort of EUM decides that you are the Perfect Woman for the time being and they even may start feeling ready for the marriage at that point, through the course of time when you are working towards that fairy tale happy ending you suddenly stop being the Perfect Woman because a) he got used to you and you no longer "amaze him" and stop being the "Perfect Woman" b) you might shift your focus from yourself to the relationship and start planning and doing things for the two of you and you might let your own gym, hairdressers, fashion hunt etc routine slip a bit, so you no longer look like a Perfect Woman c) you will probably get a bit stressed by his EU approach to the relationship or his criticism for you not being perfect on certain occasions, which may get you down a bit and you no longer feel like a Perfect Woman d) they are actually already devoted to their mom, sister, or any other significant person in their life and if you don`t like it, you are not the Perfect Woman.... All in all, you can never be the Perfect Woman forever, only for a very limited period of time .... Used, thank you very much for this post. Every time I find something that matches my own experience with EUM I feel liberated a lot. This fits 100 %.

I can only add that even if this sort of EUM decides that you are the Perfect Woman for the time being and they even may start feeling ready for the marriage at that point, through the course of time when you are working towards that fairy tale happy ending you suddenly stop being the Perfect Woman because

a) he got used to you and you no longer “amaze him” and stop being the “Perfect Woman”
b) you might shift your focus from yourself to the relationship and start planning and doing things for the two of you and you might let your own gym, hairdressers, fashion hunt etc routine slip a bit, so you no longer look like a Perfect Woman
c) you will probably get a bit stressed by his EU approach to the relationship or his criticism for you not being perfect on certain occasions, which may get you down a bit and you no longer feel like a Perfect Woman
d) they are actually already devoted to their mom, sister, or any other significant person in their life and if you don`t like it, you are not the Perfect Woman….

All in all, you can never be the Perfect Woman forever, only for a very limited period of time ….

]]> By: Pushing.Thru http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253204 Pushing.Thru Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:08:38 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253204 I have been NC with my EUM since early Dec. 09. It is STILL a struggle for me. I am now at the point where I've started to dream of him,,, being an exception to the rule was something that i "worked" so hard at with the current EUM, and the last EUM (which I actually won over after 4 years of chasing him) - it ended up being a complete disaster being his girlfriend, and i wanted out the entire time. The jealousy and emotions that i CRAVED for years came out, I FINALLY opened the gates to where his "emotions" were hiding for so long... or so i thought! More like intense paranoia and jealousy beyond belief. I was living in hell. All i kept thinking was "this is what i've been waiting for all these years?? this guy's a fuckin' tool" Now at 27 you would think I have learned my lesson. I wished to be the new EUM's exception for years.... now feeling so embarrassed that i put up with so much of his crap... only for it to get worse as the months flew by. NML - i've been reading your book (a few times now) "The No Contact Rule" I love it, and it helps ground me every time i get carried away with thoughts of him - seeing me out looking smokin' hot, with another guy, yelling at him and making him feel small.. blah blah.... It's just that, i'm going on 4 months and he's still "THERE" I know i can get through this... i guess everyone heals on their own time. Thanks for listening. I have been NC with my EUM since early Dec. 09. It is STILL a struggle for me. I am now at the point where I’ve started to dream of him,,, being an exception to the rule was something that i “worked” so hard at with the current EUM, and the last EUM (which I actually won over after 4 years of chasing him) – it ended up being a complete disaster being his girlfriend, and i wanted out the entire time. The jealousy and emotions that i CRAVED for years came out, I FINALLY opened the gates to where his “emotions” were hiding for so long… or so i thought! More like intense paranoia and jealousy beyond belief. I was living in hell. All i kept thinking was “this is what i’ve been waiting for all these years?? this guy’s a fuckin’ tool”

Now at 27 you would think I have learned my lesson. I wished to be the new EUM’s exception for years…. now feeling so embarrassed that i put up with so much of his crap… only for it to get worse as the months flew by.

NML – i’ve been reading your book (a few times now) “The No Contact Rule” I love it, and it helps ground me every time i get carried away with thoughts of him – seeing me out looking smokin’ hot, with another guy, yelling at him and making him feel small.. blah blah….

It’s just that, i’m going on 4 months and he’s still “THERE” I know i can get through this… i guess everyone heals on their own time.

Thanks for listening.

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253198 NML Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:00:04 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253198 I love your signature. I couldn't help but giggle and I'm glad you know what you want because he has nothing to offer x I love your signature. I couldn’t help but giggle and I’m glad you know what you want because he has nothing to offer x

]]> By: Tanya http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253197 Tanya Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:53:37 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253197 Myrtle....your post had me cracking up. I totally can relate to you though...I am still in the early stages of recovery. I have not been laughing very much about the situation, it has not been funny. I am learning to find the humour in what the AC say. Myrtle….your post had me cracking up. I totally can relate to you though…I am still in the early stages of recovery. I have not been laughing very much about the situation, it has not been funny. I am learning to find the humour in what the AC say.

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253196 NML Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:50:13 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253196 I actually wanted to clap after reading this comment. Spot on! I actually wanted to clap after reading this comment. Spot on!

]]> By: Used http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253195 Used Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:49:43 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253195 Dazed-- Just read your comment. Answer: yes. Totally. It applies to the men, too! Dazed–
Just read your comment.

Answer: yes. Totally. It applies to the men, too!

]]> By: Used http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253194 Used Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:45:58 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253194 Myrtle-- The handsome ones who stay on the market too long are the worst men. First, they know they are handsome, and most of them use it to their advantage. You know the logic: "no sense in having power unless it is abused". Second, b/c they know they are handsome, they feel entitled to the fairy tale, too: they want The Perfect Woman, and will see multiple women at one time, like crazy, until they find Her. (Even non-handsome, but usually successful, men do this, too.) They will never have a mature relationship, loving a woman as a person, for all of her, warts and all. Third, as a rule, they never devote themselves in their minds (and maybe even physically, too!) to any one woman, wife or girlfriend. These types of EUMs end up marrying the woman who is in front of them when they are ready for marriage, or the woman who "stood by her man" while he played the field (and will continue to play the field while married). I will, however, say that the "Bad Boy" handsome guys (with money from daddy or their own business) who are not EU and who got dating-many-women out of their system in their youth and early 20s usually do want the classy, nice girl, and will pursue her like a man and treat her WAYYY better than the clean-cut, white-collar, well-educated handsome EUM! Nowadays, both many women AND many men want someone who doesn't, who can't, exist: the Perfect Person. Funny part is, the smart "almost perfect" women who meet "almost perfect" men are smart enough to grab the opportunity and run with it! Not so the men! So emotional unavailability and this desire for What Is Perfect are the driving forces behind a lot of men, EU or not...but especially the handsome ones. Myrtle–
The handsome ones who stay on the market too long are the worst men. First, they know they are handsome, and most of them use it to their advantage. You know the logic: “no sense in having power unless it is abused”. Second, b/c they know they are handsome, they feel entitled to the fairy tale, too: they want The Perfect Woman, and will see multiple women at one time, like crazy, until they find Her. (Even non-handsome, but usually successful, men do this, too.) They will never have a mature relationship, loving a woman as a person, for all of her, warts and all. Third, as a rule, they never devote themselves in their minds (and maybe even physically, too!) to any one woman, wife or girlfriend.

These types of EUMs end up marrying the woman who is in front of them when they are ready for marriage, or the woman who “stood by her man” while he played the field (and will continue to play the field while married).

I will, however, say that the “Bad Boy” handsome guys (with money from daddy or their own business) who are not EU and who got dating-many-women out of their system in their youth and early 20s usually do want the classy, nice girl, and will pursue her like a man and treat her WAYYY better than the clean-cut, white-collar, well-educated handsome EUM!

Nowadays, both many women AND many men want someone who doesn’t, who can’t, exist: the Perfect Person. Funny part is, the smart “almost perfect” women who meet “almost perfect” men are smart enough to grab the opportunity and run with it! Not so the men! So emotional unavailability and this desire for What Is Perfect are the driving forces behind a lot of men, EU or not…but especially the handsome ones.

]]> By: DazedandConfused http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253191 DazedandConfused Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:13:03 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253191 A good post and this is the same idea that is conveyed in the book "he's just not that in to you." However, I would just like to comment that in the reverse I also think that at the foundation of women who fall for Mr. Unavailable's is a fundamental belief that they will never be the exception. By this I mean, I am single, therefore every relationship for me has not worked out, so when when I meet the next guy would I ever believe that this one will work out and I will become the exception i.e. the one he marries? So I think we do enter in to our relationships actually believing that we will always fail or be "the rule". Does this make sense? A good post and this is the same idea that is conveyed in the book “he’s just not that in to you.” However, I would just like to comment that in the reverse I also think that at the foundation of women who fall for Mr. Unavailable’s is a fundamental belief that they will never be the exception. By this I mean, I am single, therefore every relationship for me has not worked out, so when when I meet the next guy would I ever believe that this one will work out and I will become the exception i.e. the one he marries? So I think we do enter in to our relationships actually believing that we will always fail or be “the rule”.

Does this make sense?

]]> By: Vanna http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253171 Vanna Tue, 02 Mar 2010 04:42:28 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253171 Because that is what western girls were taught. I'm of nonwestern origin and our women weren't taught the fairytales that are taught in western culture. I'm sure most of you are aware of the original versions of those fairytales. Kind of reminds me of western religion. Because that is what western girls were taught. I’m of nonwestern origin and our women weren’t taught the fairytales that are taught in western culture. I’m sure most of you are aware of the original versions of those fairytales. Kind of reminds me of western religion.

]]> By: Myrtle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253166 Myrtle Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:20:59 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253166 This is so DEAD ON. My Handsome Assclown actually said the words "I kept picking people I knew I didn't want to marry until I met you because I wasn't ready...You are the exception though, and I want this to work." three months later...."I haven't loved any of my girlfriends for the last decade....I just don't know what I want." Well.....I do. -Myrtle Recovering assclown addict, no contact since January 10th, 2010 This is so DEAD ON. My Handsome Assclown actually said the words “I kept picking people I knew I didn’t want to marry until I met you because I wasn’t ready…You are the exception though, and I want this to work.”
three months later….”I haven’t loved any of my girlfriends for the last decade….I just don’t know what I want.”

Well…..I do.
-Myrtle
Recovering assclown addict, no contact since January 10th, 2010

]]> By: Sherry http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253163 Sherry Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:08:49 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253163 Hi Lalxx, I've been there, but before you yell at me, here's my story. I met a guy who said he was a widower and his wife "died" of cancer 5 years prior to us meeting and he has a 7 year old boy. So, I believed him. Who would lie about such a thing, right? Yep, you guessed it, I discovered his poor "alive" and healthy (thank God) wife was fine and he was still married. This was 6 months of dating him. I'd spent the weekend in his house, no sign of "any" woman in his house. His house was plain and it wasn't really that nicely decorated where it would have a "woman's touch". Make a long story, short, on the eve that his wife and I discovered that we existed and that his husband was the link to that existence, he left her for me stating, "I'm in love with Sherry and I want to be with her". HA! As if I wanted to be with him! I didn't accept him nor did I even wanted to have anything to do with him! I was traumatized to my core. How can anybody can say such a horrific thing all to get laid. He was one sick prick! I helped his wife through their divorce and told her of a "secret bank account" that he was hiding $160K from her. I also got a restraining order because the idiot was stalking me and my child. So, yes, some men are stupid enough to start a relationship while married and leave their wives before getting a divorce. If I'd known the idiot was married, I wouldn't have started or gone out with him in the first place. I don't like hurting other women by taking their man. Hi Lalxx,

I’ve been there, but before you yell at me, here’s my story.

I met a guy who said he was a widower and his wife “died” of cancer 5 years prior to us meeting and he has a 7 year old boy. So, I believed him. Who would lie about such a thing, right?

Yep, you guessed it, I discovered his poor “alive” and healthy (thank God) wife was fine and he was still married. This was 6 months of dating him. I’d spent the weekend in his house, no sign of “any” woman in his house. His house was plain and it wasn’t really that nicely decorated where it would have a “woman’s touch”.

Make a long story, short, on the eve that his wife and I discovered that we existed and that his husband was the link to that existence, he left her for me stating, “I’m in love with Sherry and I want to be with her”. HA! As if I wanted to be with him! I didn’t accept him nor did I even wanted to have anything to do with him! I was traumatized to my core. How can anybody can say such a horrific thing all to get laid. He was one sick prick!

I helped his wife through their divorce and told her of a “secret bank account” that he was hiding $160K from her.

I also got a restraining order because the idiot was stalking me and my child.

So, yes, some men are stupid enough to start a relationship while married and leave their wives before getting a divorce. If I’d known the idiot was married, I wouldn’t have started or gone out with him in the first place.

I don’t like hurting other women by taking their man.

]]> By: Sherry http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253160 Sherry Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:50:10 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253160 Dear NML, As I've gone through my "journey" as a young girl, one of the hardest things I had to accept is the way my Father was. He was the original EUM in my life, the first man I ever loved. He was my world as a little girl, he treated me like his little princess "when he wants to" and ever since I was a little girl, I craved and did everything I could to get his attention and get that "feeling" of euphoria from my Father. Don't get me wrong, I still love the man with all of my heart, may he rest in peace, but I also know what kind of a man he was and how much he'd damaged me emotionally and mentally. Our relationship was unhealthy to the point where I was constantly waiting for him to come around and give me love. Whenever it was convenient to him, I ran to him for love and attention. It was a parent/child love, nothing sexual, I wasn't abused sexually, but I was rejected, neglected via love, attention and acceptance. His love was inconsistent and he played similar "word and mind games" as you'd described on your post above except it was more geared towards to a daughter from her Father. "I'll bring you lots of Hershey's kissed baby when I come home" ... yet, he would leave on a Monday morning to go to work and I wouldn't see him until Thursday night and there were no Hershey's kisses. "I'll pick you up on Friday night at 7pm baby, be ready by the front patio and wait for me, we'll go see The Muppet Movie"... yet, I waited until 11pm on that Friday night and he never came to pick me up nor he even called to apologize. Then, whenever I'd be upset with him for doing these things to me, I used to yell at him. "Baby, sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I was out with my buddies and one of them, his wife got into a car accident and he needed me to be there". WTF? He ditched me for his buddies and I was only 11 years old and I'm supposed to understand and forgive him for that and make things all okay? The pattern was set at that young age, the pattern of taking sh*t from men. I've worked years and years on that shortcoming that I still carry with me till this day. However, whenever I see an AC or an EUM, the time it takes me takes me to realize that it's not going to work is much, much shorter now and I now have the strength and the tenacity to move on with life to seek something and someone who's healthier. And I'm emotionally and mentally healthier now, walking away with confidence knowing that I'm walking away from something that's no good to me. I'm aware now and able to "see the signs" and "read between the lines" . Most of people's roots on our issues today must have stemmed from childhood. The reason why is that's when we learn how the world works, through our parents. Undoing the deeply seated, unhealthy roots is tough to get through, but it's not impossible. Most of us are women in here and perhaps most of us got this way because of the foundation and the fundamentality of our childhood and our relationships with our Fathers and Mothers or whoever our guardians were. I still long for a man's attention, but I'm no longer subjecting myself to destructive behaviour. I believe that men can be taught on how to treat you. And like you said, those boundaries must be in place from the beginning. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I never want to get to the latter part. Thank you again NML, Sherry Dear NML,

As I’ve gone through my “journey” as a young girl, one of the hardest things I had to accept is the way my Father was. He was the original EUM in my life, the first man I ever loved.

He was my world as a little girl, he treated me like his little princess “when he wants to” and ever since I was a little girl, I craved and did everything I could to get his attention and get that “feeling” of euphoria from my Father. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the man with all of my heart, may he rest in peace, but I also know what kind of a man he was and how much he’d damaged me emotionally and mentally. Our relationship was unhealthy to the point where I was constantly waiting for him to come around and give me love. Whenever it was convenient to him, I ran to him for love and attention. It was a parent/child love, nothing sexual, I wasn’t abused sexually, but I was rejected, neglected via love, attention and acceptance. His love was inconsistent and he played similar “word and mind games” as you’d described on your post above except it was more geared towards to a daughter from her Father.

“I’ll bring you lots of Hershey’s kissed baby when I come home” … yet, he would leave on a Monday morning to go to work and I wouldn’t see him until Thursday night and there were no Hershey’s kisses.

“I’ll pick you up on Friday night at 7pm baby, be ready by the front patio and wait for me, we’ll go see The Muppet Movie”… yet, I waited until 11pm on that Friday night and he never came to pick me up nor he even called to apologize.

Then, whenever I’d be upset with him for doing these things to me, I used to yell at him. “Baby, sweetheart, I’m sorry, but I was out with my buddies and one of them, his wife got into a car accident and he needed me to be there”. WTF? He ditched me for his buddies and I was only 11 years old and I’m supposed to understand and forgive him for that and make things all okay?

The pattern was set at that young age, the pattern of taking sh*t from men.

I’ve worked years and years on that shortcoming that I still carry with me till this day. However, whenever I see an AC or an EUM, the time it takes me takes me to realize that it’s not going to work is much, much shorter now and I now have the strength and the tenacity to move on with life to seek something and someone who’s healthier. And I’m emotionally and mentally healthier now, walking away with confidence knowing that I’m walking away from something that’s no good to me.

I’m aware now and able to “see the signs” and “read between the lines” .

Most of people’s roots on our issues today must have stemmed from childhood. The reason why is that’s when we learn how the world works, through our parents. Undoing the deeply seated, unhealthy roots is tough to get through, but it’s not impossible.

Most of us are women in here and perhaps most of us got this way because of the foundation and the fundamentality of our childhood and our relationships with our Fathers and Mothers or whoever our guardians were.

I still long for a man’s attention, but I’m no longer subjecting myself to destructive behaviour. I believe that men can be taught on how to treat you. And like you said, those boundaries must be in place from the beginning.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I never want to get to the latter part.

Thank you again NML,

Sherry

]]> By: Brightside http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253152 Brightside Mon, 01 Mar 2010 23:29:56 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253152 I’ve read many posts here, but this one really struck me. It struck me on two levels. The first, I once was the exception to the rule. A major exception to the rule. At the time, I read all the statistics and I thought, hmmm maybe, but HE will leave her for me and he did. Well, I am here to say becareful what you wish for because it might come true. Being that coveted exception has brought me over 10 years of misery. Not because he is an assclown, at least not the kind we discuss here, but because of all the baggage he brought along with him. It has been a living nightmare. The second, as I recover from my experience of being an exception, I have found myself wishing to be an exception again. Again!! Who am I kidding besides myself? Does lightening strike twice in the same place? Who wins the lottery twice? And yet, I cannot convince myself I will NOT be the exception this time. And I cannot make myself understand I probably don’t want to be based on past experience. Moreover, this new guy is an assclown in the truest sense of the word. I think that what I am trying to say is that I really understand how hard it is to shake this delusion despite all evidence to the contrary and even while having much experience in knowing all the glitters is not gold.

]]> By: raven http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/comment-page-1/#comment-253149 raven Mon, 01 Mar 2010 23:21:21 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/lovenomics-managing-your-desire-to-be-the-exception-in-relationships-part-one/#comment-253149 My father fell in love with my mother 'at first sight' - they knew each other for a month when he proposed and they (apparently) lived happily ever after until sadly he died aged 60. I thought that was the norm - it was, in my family. On top of that I read lots of romantic novels as a child. So I have found it really hard to understand that it really isn't like that. I have believed in an exception, because it was my parents - so in my world it became a rule. So when I was 17 I fell in love with a boy and stayed in love with him for another 19 years until I finally got him. I really thought my dream had come true. 12 years and 2 children later I finally admitted to myself that it had all been based on an illusion and left. He is emotionally unavailable though a decent guy at heart. Now at 53 I feel really cheated. I wonder about all the men I might have met in those 19 years when I 'waited' for my Prince Charming to come back. I made myself emotionally unavailable because I thought that proved my love to my first love. My father fell in love with my mother ‘at first sight’ – they knew each other for a month when he proposed and they (apparently) lived happily ever after until sadly he died aged 60. I thought that was the norm – it was, in my family. On top of that I read lots of romantic novels as a child. So I have found it really hard to understand that it really isn’t like that. I have believed in an exception, because it was my parents – so in my world it became a rule. So when I was 17 I fell in love with a boy and stayed in love with him for another 19 years until I finally got him. I really thought my dream had come true. 12 years and 2 children later I finally admitted to myself that it had all been based on an illusion and left. He is emotionally unavailable though a decent guy at heart. Now at 53 I feel really cheated. I wonder about all the men I might have met in those 19 years when I ‘waited’ for my Prince Charming to come back. I made myself emotionally unavailable because I thought that proved my love to my first love.

]]>