Marriage Commentary: Airport Awakenings

Lovely flight attendant: “Excuse me. I don’t mean to be nosy, really.” Me: “Haha, you’re not. We don’t mind.” Her: “I was listening to you talk about not wanting to get married and wondering about living together, and I just felt like I had to say something to you. I was in the same situation. I was with someone for 10 years, but I never wanted to get married. I wouldn’t even live with him because I was afraid of what people would think. He just died, and I wish that I had just said to hell with what other people thought.

He wanted to get married the entire time we were together but I know that marriage just isn’t for me. But, I should have lived with him. I should have gotten to share his life, wake up with him every day, just lived the daily things with him. And I didn’t. I heard you say that you don’t believe in forever, and I don’t either, but we should really live every day with the one we love as if that day is forever. I just needed to share that with you.”

Me: (Wiping tears out of my eyes) “Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me. I think you’re right. In fact, I know you’re right. Can I hug you?”

So I am flying over Houston, three hours later than I should have been, and I think that’s why. I needed to meet this woman. I needed to know that not wanting to be married doesn’t make me some sort of social pariah. I needed to believe that it can work this way. More importantly though, I needed someone to remind me how precious time with someone you love is. I needed to realize that amazing, life changing love isn’t something that people find everyday. In fact, it’s not something that many people EVER find. And when you find that kind of love, you have to cling to it. You have to close your eyes and ears to a world that judges your choices and actions. You have to live in the moment, for the moment, and with unbridled, unabashed passion and fervor.

I do not believe in forever. I do not think that swearing in front of God and family to love and cherish each other forever and ever is any indication that you will, in fact, find everlasting love. Speaking purely statistically, over two thirds of all marriages now end in divorce. That’s enormous. Then, looking at that one third remaining, how many of them are in loveless, tired marriages where it’s more like habit that cohabitation? If you broke down the numbers to show just the people who are happily married and have been together 20 years are more, do you have any idea how miniscule that number would be? It’s unreal.

But why can’t every day be a small piece of forever. If I’m lucky enough to find someone who makes my world spin, who makes me believe that love might really be all you need, who drives my thoughts and inspires my dreams, then even one day with him is really more forever than anyone probably deserves. I know myself well enough to know that it is only a matter of time before I will want to move on. I know that if that point comes 6 months from now or even 9 years from now, it will someday arrive. But I can promise you the same thing I promised my new friend in the airport. I will live every second of my own little forever with the love and passion that most spread over a lifetime. I will give all of myself for as long as I can, knowing that when my forever ends I will have no regrets.

“Twenty-three is hard. You’re trying to figure out who you are and who the world wants you to be and how the two concepts fit together. The best you can do is listen to your heart and your heart alone. No one knows what’s best for you but you.” And even when I don’t know what’s best…I think my heart has a pretty good idea. It’s smarter than my head anyway.

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