Monogamy (and other lies my mother told me)

March 6, 2006 by The Tattoed Debutante

In Kindergarten I learned that there was no Santa. Very shortly thereafter I acknowledged the non-existence of the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Surprisingly enough, it took 23 years for me to realise the myth that is Monogamy.
My human sexuality teacher said it best when she declared one day that monogamy was a nice dream but an unrealistic expectation. Well, you should have seen the fit I flew into. I know tons of monogamous couples. My parents, my grandparents, my … and then it hit me.

I really don’t know that many monogamous couples and the ones I do know are related to me. Even among those, I have my doubts. I spent an hour on the phone with one of my married male friends yesterday discussing the fantasy of people being loyal and true to one person forever and ever. We came up with one couple that we knew of, that was in a truly monogamous relationship. ONE. Do you know how many married couples we know? A lot. It just doesn’t happen anymore.
Now, granted, my circle of friends is different to some. My friends lead lives deemed a bit more exciting than some. They tour, they play different cities each night, they never lack for alcohol or women, and it’s just easier because of that lifestyle. But even my non-music friends, the ones with jobs for banks, oil companies, insurance agencies, hospitals…even these middle of the road people cheat. They meet people away on business. They have an attractive client. They experience something intense with co-worker. They stray. And even if the partner never learns of the indiscretion, it’s happened. The course and balance of the relationship are eternally changed.
And it’s like a water faucet. You do it once; you don’t get caught; you think, “That was great. Why not do it again?” And it gets easier. You learn how to get away with it. It becomes comfortable. And you have no reason to stop. It breaks up the monotony of a long relationship or a marriage. It keeps you on your toes and excited. You feel more alive again. You have the security of a committed relationship with the adventure of a new romance. It’s the best of both worlds.
And the worst part is, I’ve come to expect it. I would have, even a year ago, stood up and decreed the glories of being with one person forever. I would have offered up examples of amazing couples, bound only to each other for eternity. I would have disavowed the men who have cheated on me. But now, I expect it. I allow it. I forgive it. We’re all human and it’s just a part of life and love. All we can hope for is to be happy with someone until we’re not happy anymore or until we find someone who makes us happier. And that makes forever a little less scary. Or a whole lot more depressing.
Thoughts? Is monogamy a plausible goal in the 21^st Century? Or is it just a myth we tell ourselves to make forever worth while?
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