Comments on: Mr Unavailables & Assclowns: Sharing an absence of pride http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Michelle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-251663 Michelle Mon, 04 Jan 2010 13:12:31 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-251663 Referring to my other post with three dates guy who lingered for another month. I am proud that i in fact did not indulge his behavior, I did not just take the crumbs he was giving. Yes, I was upset at NYE that he basically ignored me, and I am embarrassed that my friend scolded him on my behalf, but at least I did not talk to him at all, and that I did not reach out to him to try to keep it going by apologizing for my friend. That would have shown no pride, he had not given me any care or consideration, so why should I give him that? Referring to my other post with three dates guy who lingered for another month. I am proud that i in fact did not indulge his behavior, I did not just take the crumbs he was giving.

Yes, I was upset at NYE that he basically ignored me, and I am embarrassed that my friend scolded him on my behalf, but at least I did not talk to him at all, and that I did not reach out to him to try to keep it going by apologizing for my friend.

That would have shown no pride, he had not given me any care or consideration, so why should I give him that?

]]> By: LittlePammie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250786 LittlePammie Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:26:50 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250786 Thanks guys for the words of support. They really mean a lot to me. I will be logging in regularly! NC day two and going well! I had an urge to text today but managed to resist! Thanks guys for the words of support. They really mean a lot to me. I will be logging in regularly! NC day two and going well! I had an urge to text today but managed to resist!

]]> By: aphrogirl http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250767 aphrogirl Sat, 05 Dec 2009 23:57:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250767 " ....he indignantly said that he was in enough debt as it is so why should he support a child that he never wanted?" Pammie, even when NC is obviously the only right choice it can be surpisingly hard. My resolve is rock solid but still, my progress with the issues around me being so blind has been measured in terms of months - not days, nor weeks. But there is no mistaking the feeling of making progress, instead of the old feeling of confusion, wanting and waiting for the EUM to come around. When NC gets hard just come here, read, write and remember what you wrote above about a man who fathered a child, lied to you about it, and has no feeling of responsibility to help care for his child. This tells the story of the character of this man - he is a loser !! Ditto on De's words--stay smart and stay strong. It's a climb, and it is worth it. The heck with 2010 being a different year, start right now with 2009. ” ….he indignantly said that he was in enough debt as it is so why should he support a child that he never wanted?”

Pammie, even when NC is obviously the only right choice it can be surpisingly hard. My resolve is rock solid but still, my progress with the issues around me being so blind has been measured in terms of months – not days, nor weeks. But there is no mistaking the feeling of making progress, instead of the old feeling of confusion, wanting and waiting for the EUM to come around.

When NC gets hard just come here, read, write and remember what you wrote above about a man who fathered a child, lied to you about it, and has no feeling of responsibility to help care for his child. This tells the story of the character of this man – he is a loser !!

Ditto on De’s words–stay smart and stay strong. It’s a climb, and it is worth it. The heck with 2010 being a different year, start right now with 2009.

]]> By: Shae http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250762 Shae Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:54:52 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250762 To look at me you would never know that I have had little pride over the past 5 years. He is married and loves his two young children and his wife who he repects but is not in love with--lets the kids know he may leave them and uses them as a paun--which really hurts him. She tells him she wants him to leave all the time but never follows though because she doesn't want to be a single mom.He has talked about leaving several times and tried a very loose separation at one point but went back when I ended things because he was secretive with the rest of the world about his separation. He is such a devoted father and I understand at some level that he would miss his kids. I go NC for no more than 3 months and then I can't take it anymore. We have been in love for a long time now and my life is empty without him. I can say he treats me with love,respect,and dosen't play hot and cold games. It's just a bad situation and he blankly has told me that he is not going to leave for the time being. Even with all of this, I hold on to hope. I am working on loving myself more. It is hard though when you settle for this and to look at me who went through a divorce of my own, a vibrant woman, with no other man in my life but someone who puts me in second place. To look at me you would never know that I have had little pride over the past 5 years. He is married and loves his two young children and his wife who he repects but is not in love with–lets the kids know he may leave them and uses them as a paun–which really hurts him. She tells him she wants him to leave all the time but never follows though because she doesn’t want to be a single mom.He has talked about leaving several times and tried a very loose separation at one point but went back when I ended things because he was secretive with the rest of the world about his separation. He is such a devoted father and I understand at some level that he would miss his kids. I go NC for no more than 3 months and then I can’t take it anymore. We have been in love for a long time now and my life is empty without him. I can say he treats me with love,respect,and dosen’t play hot and cold games. It’s just a bad situation and he blankly has told me that he is not going to leave for the time being. Even with all of this, I hold on to hope. I am working on loving myself more. It is hard though when you settle for this and to look at me who went through a divorce of my own, a vibrant woman, with no other man in my life but someone who puts me in second place.

]]> By: de-lightedtobefree http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250758 de-lightedtobefree Sat, 05 Dec 2009 18:09:32 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250758 All the luck in the world littlePammie. You know you are better than him, believe it cause it's true. Stay strong :) All the luck in the world littlePammie. You know you are better than him, believe it cause it’s true. Stay strong :)

]]> By: LittlePammie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250754 LittlePammie Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:21:35 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250754 This site is a revalation to me. I realise for that for a long time now I have had no boundries, no self-worth, dignity or pride. I have allowed a man into my life who has no respect for anybody or anything and has a life without any direction. The relationship (if that is what you can call it) has been filled with drama. Everytime when he has ended things (which he did frequently), I have done everything I can to lure him back which usually involves sex as that is all he can appreciate. Where is the pride and dignity in that? I have suspected for a long time that there is something else going on in his life but I have never known what it is. He is a single guy, 43 years old and never married. He claims that he had his heart broken a few years ago and he never wants to get close to a woman again. Sounds familiar? He did all the disappearing, blowing hot and cold and all the stuff that NML so clearly describes but still I hung on. I made the mistake of believeing that if I was nice to him, he would see that I was different to all the other women he had been with before. This meant saying goodbye to pride, dignity and boundaries. How wrong I was! Then the revalation came this week. Out of the blue I received a text from him to say that he actually has a 22 month old daughter from a casual relationship he had. He never wanted the child, thought the woman was on the pill etc etc. (probably lies). He changed his story from telling me the mother would not let him have contact with his daughter to saying that he receives regular updates and he visits too. I have asked him many times in the past if he wished he had had children and he has always said that it has just never happened. When I asked if he supported this child he indignantly said that he was in enough debt as it is so why should he support a child that he never wanted? He also went on to say that he didn't want to see me again becauses I asked him too many questions about the baby. In reading the comments this morning, I believe I can do it. I am going to have no contact and I am going to regain some pride and self worth. 2010 is really going to be a different year for me. I realise that I have been in the gutter with this one and my climb out starts today. Wish me luck! This site is a revalation to me. I realise for that for a long time now I have had no boundries, no self-worth, dignity or pride. I have allowed a man into my life who has no respect for anybody or anything and has a life without any direction. The relationship (if that is what you can call it) has been filled with drama. Everytime when he has ended things (which he did frequently), I have done everything I can to lure him back which usually involves sex as that is all he can appreciate. Where is the pride and dignity in that?

I have suspected for a long time that there is something else going on in his life but I have never known what it is. He is a single guy, 43 years old and never married. He claims that he had his heart broken a few years ago and he never wants to get close to a woman again. Sounds familiar?

He did all the disappearing, blowing hot and cold and all the stuff that NML so clearly describes but still I hung on. I made the mistake of believeing that if I was nice to him, he would see that I was different to all the other women he had been with before. This meant saying goodbye to pride, dignity and boundaries. How wrong I was!

Then the revalation came this week. Out of the blue I received a text from him to say that he actually has a 22 month old daughter from a casual relationship he had. He never wanted the child, thought the woman was on the pill etc etc. (probably lies). He changed his story from telling me the mother would not let him have contact with his daughter to saying that he receives regular updates and he visits too. I have asked him many times in the past if he wished he had had children and he has always said that it has just never happened.

When I asked if he supported this child he indignantly said that he was in enough debt as it is so why should he support a child that he never wanted? He also went on to say that he didn’t want to see me again becauses I asked him too many questions about the baby.

In reading the comments this morning, I believe I can do it. I am going to have no contact and I am going to regain some pride and self worth. 2010 is really going to be a different year for me. I realise that I have been in the gutter with this one and my climb out starts today. Wish me luck!

]]> By: angie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250734 angie Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:13:24 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250734 Thank you for your thoughts Melodie dear. I am learning valuable things on this site and I hope everyone else is, too. Ultimately, I know I am responsible for my behavior, for setting boundaries that dissolve 6 mos after setting them, etc. My real issue is that I don't believe any man will commit to me completely. To be 100% honest w/you and w/myself, I believe men inherently are cheaters. Even if they don't physically cheat, I think they want to cheat or think about it because they get bored in relationships. This is my belief and I need to work on changing it because there are good men out there and the situation isn't hopeless. Thank you for your thoughts Melodie dear. I am learning valuable things on this site and I hope everyone else is, too. Ultimately, I know I am responsible for my behavior, for setting boundaries that dissolve 6 mos after setting them, etc. My real issue is that I don’t believe any man will commit to me completely. To be 100% honest w/you and w/myself, I believe men inherently are cheaters. Even if they don’t physically cheat, I think they want to cheat or think about it because they get bored in relationships. This is my belief and I need to work on changing it because there are good men out there and the situation isn’t hopeless.

]]> By: Melodie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250720 Melodie Fri, 04 Dec 2009 11:13:06 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250720 I do believe that there is a total feeling of pride on the part of these creepy guys who feel a sense of power from it all. I think that not commiting your whole self to someone while letting them believe that you are and playing an emotional game, is a terrible thing to do to anyone. I didn't know the degree of selfishness a person could posess until I met up with my unavailable. It's extremely hurtful behavoir and zaps you of your beliefe in the values that you once held dear. I hope that you find your way to a better relationship. .-= Melodie´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250717" rel="nofollow">By: angie</a> =-. I do believe that there is a total feeling of pride on the part of these creepy guys who feel a sense of power from it all. I think that not commiting your whole self to someone while letting them believe that you are and playing an emotional game, is a terrible thing to do to anyone. I didn’t know the degree of selfishness a person could posess until I met up with my unavailable. It’s extremely hurtful behavoir and zaps you of your beliefe in the values that you once held dear. I hope that you find your way to a better relationship.
.-= Melodie´s last blog ..By: angie =-.

]]> By: angie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250717 angie Fri, 04 Dec 2009 08:13:04 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250717 I just discovered this site while I was searching for info about how I can stop myself from going back to a guy that was my boyfriend in the very beginning of the "relationship" but has been hot and cold, mostly cold, for 10 years. Yes, 10 years. I know I have a lot of work to do emotionally. Regarding pride, though not the point of the article, I think I convince myself that I have pride because I never contact him. I guess this makes me feel like I have some control over the situation. Two years ago, I told him I was "letting him off the hook," that I couldn't stand his unavailability anymore, and that there would be no way I could be friends. He texted me 6 mos later and we've slowly gone back to hooking up once a month. Does he get a feeling of pride from making a girl do something he knows she doesn't want to do? i.e., since I told him flat out, he is aware that I don't want a weird non-relationship thing. This article is helpful, makes me think rationally... I just discovered this site while I was searching for info about how I can stop myself from going back to a guy that was my boyfriend in the very beginning of the “relationship” but has been hot and cold, mostly cold, for 10 years. Yes, 10 years. I know I have a lot of work to do emotionally.
Regarding pride, though not the point of the article, I think I convince myself that I have pride because I never contact him. I guess this makes me feel like I have some control over the situation.
Two years ago, I told him I was “letting him off the hook,” that I couldn’t stand his unavailability anymore, and that there would be no way I could be friends. He texted me 6 mos later and we’ve slowly gone back to hooking up once a month.
Does he get a feeling of pride from making a girl do something he knows she doesn’t want to do? i.e., since I told him flat out, he is aware that I don’t want a weird non-relationship thing.
This article is helpful, makes me think rationally…

]]> By: Astelle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250709 Astelle Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:48:42 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250709 Phyllis, I so agree with you. I used to confuse "pride" with "arrogance" and I think I still do and would like to know the difference. These a**clowns are too proud to make contact or too arrogant to make contact. I realize it doesn't matter which one it is, but can't help to wonder which one it is, really. Mine told me once that I attacked his Integrity - after I didn't play along with his sh*t. We had an "argument" and I left his place very upset,went home and told myself: WTF just happened to you?could not sleep that night and found out the next day that he watched a movie, went to eat and tried to call me at 11PM, he was fine!!! what the hell was wrong with me?? I was asleep at 11pm while he was "fine" - he slept that night before just fine, because he doesn't have a problem, right??/ - I didn't sleep. I am glad that I slept thru his call that night, because I know he was not sober when he called me and sometimes I wish that I would have taking his call at this moment and it would have shorten the BS. Yes, some are very proud of their appearance and their reputation, but I also belive (know) it is a facade!!!! I know that from my ex-husband, he is all about the "facade" but can't back up ANYTHING beyond that Facade, he can't, because there is not anything else. I know that and I am trying very hard in my "dating world" to apply what I know and it is so hard. And - as long as they find people - and they will - that buy their BS-they are just fine!!!! Sorry for the rant, but I don't feel that they ever think about pride, they think what they can get from you, they will try to get from you what they can, but I don't think for a minute they are thinking about pride at all or think that you don't have any pride - in my book that is giving them way too much credit for thinking!! But, WE should have the pride - in my case it was total embarrassement that would keep me from ever contacting him, but I don't think these a**holes think about pride. If they would, then pride would set in and you would never hear from these idiots. So, it is up to us women to make a good choice. I have learned what to look for and what to stay away from and I have still some people tell me - including my brothers - that if I would not be so proud I would have a man by now. Go figure. So, I am at peace with myself and live my life, I am busy with fulltime work, two great Teenagers, one in College, one in High School, I am living in a foreign country - so that is all I can do and the next good "advice" I am getting from one of my friends that are excactly doing what I am trying NOT to do - be my guest - I don't care, can I puke? NML. I know you get a lot of requests and I love your posts. How do you handle (I know I don't have to handle, really) people's comments - doesn't matter if it is the neighbour, friends, co-workers or anybody - how can I avoid explaining what I am doing without losing friends? I don't have a problem losing friends, because real friends you are not losing ever - but I am getting "tired" to explain the BS so I pull back from people, because I don't want to explain myself over and over why I cut contact and so on. I know that people look at me "wierd" for not talking to certain "people" and in order to not feel like the "outcast" I just pull back completly. I am sorry, I should be at a better place by now - and the 'funny" thing is that I learned about my a**hole exhusband and the *hole "Date" at the same time. Live and learn... Phyllis, I so agree with you. I used to confuse “pride” with “arrogance” and I think I still do and would like to know the difference. These a**clowns are too proud to make contact or too arrogant to make contact. I realize it doesn’t matter which one it is, but can’t help to wonder which one it is, really.
Mine told me once that I attacked his Integrity – after I didn’t play along with his sh*t. We had an “argument” and I left his place very upset,went home and told myself: WTF just happened to you?could not sleep that night and found out the next day that he watched a movie, went to eat and tried to call me at 11PM, he was fine!!! what the hell was wrong with me?? I was asleep at 11pm while he was “fine” – he slept that night before just fine, because he doesn’t have a problem, right??/ – I didn’t sleep. I am glad that I slept thru his call that night, because I know he was not sober when he called me and sometimes I wish that I would have taking his call at this moment and it would have shorten the BS.
Yes, some are very proud of their appearance and their reputation, but I also belive (know) it is a facade!!!!
I know that from my ex-husband, he is all about the “facade” but can’t back up ANYTHING beyond that Facade, he can’t, because there is not anything else. I know that and I am trying very hard in my “dating world” to apply what I know and it is so hard.
And – as long as they find people – and they will – that buy their BS-they are just fine!!!!
Sorry for the rant, but I don’t feel that they ever think about pride, they think what they can get from you, they will try to get from you what they can, but I don’t think for a minute they are thinking about pride at all or think that you don’t have any pride – in my book that is giving them way too much credit for thinking!!
But, WE should have the pride – in my case it was total embarrassement that would keep me from ever contacting him, but I don’t think these a**holes think about pride. If they would, then pride would set in and you would never hear from these idiots.
So, it is up to us women to make a good choice.
I have learned what to look for and what to stay away from and I have still some people tell me – including my brothers – that if I would not be so proud I would have a man by now. Go figure.
So, I am at peace with myself and live my life, I am busy with fulltime work, two great Teenagers, one in College, one in High School, I am living in a foreign country – so that is all I can do and the next good “advice” I am getting from one of my friends that are excactly doing what I am trying NOT to do – be my guest – I don’t care, can I puke?

NML. I know you get a lot of requests and I love your posts.
How do you handle (I know I don’t have to handle, really) people’s comments – doesn’t matter if it is the neighbour, friends, co-workers or anybody – how can I avoid explaining what I am doing without losing friends? I don’t have a problem losing friends, because real friends you are not losing ever – but I am getting “tired” to explain the BS so I pull back from people, because I don’t want to explain myself over and over why I cut contact and so on. I know that people look at me “wierd” for not talking to certain “people” and in order to not feel like the “outcast”
I just pull back completly.
I am sorry, I should be at a better place by now – and the ‘funny” thing is that I learned about my a**hole exhusband and the *hole “Date” at the same time.
Live and learn…

]]> By: Half Happy Soul http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250701 Half Happy Soul Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:56:18 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250701 Oh Natalie, you are spot on again!!! My EUM dont have pride at all, after his ASclowny behaviour, I cut with him all contact, and he came back again... I dont probably have a pride too, as I keep taking him back, when I learn??? Oh Natalie, you are spot on again!!! My EUM dont have pride at all, after his ASclowny behaviour, I cut with him all contact, and he came back again… I dont probably have a pride too, as I keep taking him back, when I learn???

]]> By: cece http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250674 cece Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:04:24 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250674 It took me awhile to understand the concept that - they have to bring something to the table! Meaning it has to be give and take - not in the sense that I take their bullshit, I give back love, understanding until I lose my mind. They should want to offer something like honesty, communication, support, and the capacity for emotional growth. Man, when you lack self esteem, the most basic aspects of a healthy relationship have to be programmed into one's self. Yikes! It took me awhile to understand the concept that – they have to bring something to the table! Meaning it has to be give and take – not in the sense that I take their bullshit, I give back love, understanding until I lose my mind. They should want to offer something like honesty, communication, support, and the capacity for emotional growth.

Man, when you lack self esteem, the most basic aspects of a healthy relationship have to be programmed into one’s self.

Yikes!

]]> By: parneet http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250672 parneet Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:31:03 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250672 I am in NC for almost a 2 months now, we break up after he tried to be "just friends" all the ladies who are confused and feel canot let anyone go, belive me once you have NC for a month you will see the clear picture of him. I am in NC for almost a 2 months now, we break up after he tried to be “just friends” all the ladies who are confused and feel canot let anyone go, belive me once you have NC for a month you will see the clear picture of him.

]]> By: Peach http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250668 Peach Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:17:01 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250668 I too am struggling with letting go-I guess I have no pride-or maybe I'm just sado masochistic. I hurt so much and keep going back for more with the same results. I too am struggling with letting go-I guess I have no pride-or maybe I’m just sado masochistic. I hurt so much and keep going back for more with the same results.

]]> By: MaryC http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/comment-page-1/#comment-250665 MaryC Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:53:46 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailables-assclowns-sharing-an-absence-of-pride/#comment-250665 Mal....I felt like you did for a very long time and no matter how hard I tried, noticed I said I not we, I came to realize I just couldn't be friends with him. Its a process, not something that happens over night. Try no contact for a day then give it another day, it does get easier but it is a long road to hoe. Not something for the faint of heart. NC lets you get a new perspective, lets you clear the air and see your relationship in a new light. If you're friends now you'll still be friends, a little time apart shouldn't make a difference. I finally asked myself what is it I really wanted. I realized I wanted the man I fell in love with but he didn't exsist anymore. He had become someone I didn't recognize and someone I didn't even like. You can love someone but if you don't like them, don't like who they are inside its a sign. It was very painful to admit because that meant letting go, not something I wanted to do but it became necessary for my emotional well being. There are lots and lots of great articles on this site, try to read at least one a day. That's what I did and it really helped in the beginning and anytime I'm feeling down. Mal….I felt like you did for a very long time and no matter how hard I tried, noticed I said I not we, I came to realize I just couldn’t be friends with him. Its a process, not something that happens over night. Try no contact for a day then give it another day, it does get easier but it is a long road to hoe. Not something for the faint of heart.

NC lets you get a new perspective, lets you clear the air and see your relationship in a new light. If you’re friends now you’ll still be friends, a little time apart shouldn’t make a difference. I finally asked myself what is it I really wanted. I realized I wanted the man I fell in love with but he didn’t exsist anymore. He had become someone I didn’t recognize and someone I didn’t even like. You can love someone but if you don’t like them, don’t like who they are inside its a sign. It was very painful to admit because that meant letting go, not something I wanted to do but it became necessary for my emotional well being.

There are lots and lots of great articles on this site, try to read at least one a day. That’s what I did and it really helped in the beginning and anytime I’m feeling down.

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