Get To Grips With…Values & Common Interests Bundle
Back in late 2008, I shocked readers when I wrote about ‘But we have so much in common…that shaky ‘ole thing we call common ground’ because I basically said that all those things that we’ve been claiming we have in common, are unnecessary because if you don’t share things in common where it counts – values – your relationship is doomed.
Playing ping pong, eating fancy food, reading high brow books, listening to classical music, diving off mountains, doing marathons, nightclubbing, travelling, visiting museums, ancient Chinese philosophy, eating certain types of foods, or having amazing sex – whatever it is, it’s great that you have it in common, but they are not reasons to choose or stay with someone.
Relationships can more than survive you not having all or even many of the same interests but they cannot survive or prosper if you don’t share common primary values.
These are the fundamental things that you need in order to live your life authentically and are tied to your firmly held beliefs about what makes you a person of value and also what you see as valuable in others.
Common interests that many people focus on in their partners, especially if they are used to filling out dating profiles on websites, are secondary values – they’re nice to have but only mean something in the context of the shared primary values being present.
No matter how much you have in common, if you don’t share common primary values, you may have a lot in common but it’s just not enough.
The Get To Grips With…bundleis a combination of Get To Grips With…Common Ground in Relationships and Get To Grips With Values & Value in Relationships, plus two additional worksheets.
Get To Grips With…Values & Value in Relationships – From explaining what values are, to separating out your primary and secondary values, to demonstrating how two people can appear to have a lot in common until you look at the issues and professed common ground and discover a disconnect, this dedicated guide is here to open your eyes to the real issues and the real opportunities so that you can get happy and stop feeling frustrated and bewildered by your choices.
Aside from detailing the importance of values, what they are, and what they mean to your relationship experience, I also explain why relationships don’t work, why appearance, attraction, chemistry, and passion are not enough, why you don’t get brownie points for abandoning your values, and how if you don’t understand who you are, your values, your beliefs, and goals, you’ll end up being out of step with yourself and finding that you are not only met with resistance, but you’re at conflict within you too. You’ll find that you’ll not only understand your relationship better, but also what makes you tick.
Get To Grips With…Common Ground in Relationships – This guide focuses on imparting the fundamental message that all of those things that you’ve been valuing are greatly misplaced. There are all sorts of reasons (some of them near crazy) as to why we can end up claiming that we have a lot in common with someone and we’ll often claim compatibility with people who are fundamentally incompatible for a relationship. I explain why misguided ideas about compatibility, type, and common interests cause you to overestimate your common ground and have you falling for images of stuff that are not as important as common values. Explaining how we make blind assumptions about things that we like about a person by expecting them to correlate to the rest of them, it’s a detailed lesson on why it’s important to keep your feet in reality and base your perceptions of the person on who they are, not who you think they are based on the fact that you like table tennis, dog walking and football, and they do to.
Each book acts a companion to the other, with a couple of worksheets included in the bundle to help you delve deep into connecting your beliefs with your actions and in turn your relationships.
Buy and download now for £19 approx US$28/euro 22.10 . Please note that the currency difference is automatically calculated at the checkout. Limited Offer: Until May 24th 2010, you can get 47% off the bundle – £10 – approx US$14.77/euro 11.63 using the code VALUES.