Comments on: My Epiphany Moment in Drama Seeking

By: ananda

ananda — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 06:24:28 +0000

your post was so good to read. it is a reminder for myself. tyou.

By: NML

NML — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:21:19 +0000

The key is whether your fears had nothing to back them up, or something to exasperate them. The thing you always have to ask is: is what I am imagining him doing in line with his behaviour? It would have been totally out of character for my boyfriend – he had never behaved in this way, he’s a man of integrity, and the reality was that there was absolutely no legitimate reason for our relationship to have suddenly changed. In my heart of hearts, when I paused and got past the drama, I knew that my imaginings were just that and a projection of past experiences.
Now I have had moments like this before with Mr Unavailable’s but the moment of clarity then was that I would realise that it was “Here we go again time”.
You are trying to rationalise the unrational. Whilst many of his actions can be explained as they fall into the core pattern of behaviour, if Mr Unavailable has the option of easy access to a woman down the road, or more hard labour with a woman who is long distance who is questioning his dodgy relationship behaviour, which do you think he is going to choose? “Right” with Mr Unavailable means different things to “normal” peoples version of right – she may ask less questions, be more compliant, have less expectations, or turn a blind eye. She may be the perfect beard for giving the semblance of being a totally normal guy. The point is that you will never have all the answers – even if you sat him down tomorrow and asked him to explain everything, you’d probably walk away with even MORE questions! Some do change and something pretty catostrophic has to happen to your typical habitual Mr Unavailable. Unless they were temporarily emotionally unavailable as a natural reflex to a break up, it is unlikely that he has suddenly changed. They’re just very good at morphing to suit the agenda.
Re the finality, you actually don’t know that it’s final until a significant period of time has passed, but if it is, then you’ve been let off lightly. At the end of the day, they have their tipping point – if they know that their chips are down and they either have to put up and match their actions with their words, or get the hell out, they’ll get out of the relationship…and always find a reason to blame you. He has lied, cheated, deceived and all sorts – I think it’s unlikely that he has turned into The Ideal Man!

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:21:46 +0000

NML – I still find myself falling off the band wagon at times. I am doing much better but I still play the reel assclown/drama seeker in my mind. So much of what you said in this post hit home to me. With my situation being long distance there could have been many times my guy was sleeping, etc. Problem is I didn’t believe him half of the time because of the hot/cold thing. I guess a healthy man would not blow hot/cold but isn’t it possible unconscious drama seeking causes men to run cold & withdrawal? How do you REALLY know if you have a great guy on your hands & that ur drama seeking didn’t scared him off?
I’m also a confused about a section in yourbook that talks about EUM’s finding the “right” woman & “timing is a bitch”. If EUM’S are like that before, during & after the reationship does that mean that they “change” for the right woman? My guy ended the relationship saying “He didn’t think he could have a long lasting relationship with me”. He had already met someone else local & I have no doubt he is an EUM on some level but if ambiguity is an issue with these guys why was he so willing to make it so “final” with me?