Navigating Your Next Blind Date
March 1, 2006 by Special Dark
If you or someone you know is about to be involved in a blind date situation, please consult this article carefully.
The thing that works against you when you are set-up on a blind date is that there’s automatically an additional layer of tension and anxiety due to the limited information you have to go on. Sure your mates may know you pretty well, but even if they are able to nail the problem of compatibility, it is impossible for your friends (or family) to gauge who’ll have good chemistry with you. Hell, there are probably times when you don’t even know who you’ll have chemistry with until you are placed in a situation that tests it. Since you can’t always know, anyone else’s guess is a shot-in-the-dark, at best.
Here are a couple things to keep in mind that may reduce the anxiety level and help the both of you have a good time, even if you don’t make a love connection.
#1 Manage expectations - From the outset you have no idea what to expect. Even though your friends may have given you stats about your blind date, there are a million little nuances that people neglect to take into account. If you were destined to always spend your life with the person who was perfect for you, on paper, romance would be worlds simpler.
So, don’t expect that this is Mr. or Mrs. Right on your first date together (that’s good advice for non-blind dates as well). Just go out and be yourself. If you click with the other person, and are interested, communicate your intentions for another date. If they do not reciprocate in kind, move on. Don’t feel like you have to try really hard since your friends did you a favour. They aren’t the ones who have to date this person so you don’t owe them anything but a “Thank You”.
#2 Don’t bail out too early - The nature of blind dates are that they are uncomfortable and no matter how self-assured you are, blind dates can rattle anyone. With this in mind don’t bolt for the door when your date starts talking about her old ex, or his need to be with someone exactly like his mom. Even if you decide early on in the evening that this is not the person for you, stick it out until a respectable time (at least two to three hours from the beginning of the date). This is a courtesy that you’d want if the shoe was on the other foot. In addition, hanging in there may allow the other person to recover from their initial poor impression and end up making the entire enterprise worthwhile.
Now please don’t misunderstand me. If you don’t want to see the person again, hanging in for awhile is where the courtesy ends. Feel free to tell the person, upfront, that you don’t want another date at the end but don’t belittle them while doing it. Even if they were self-absorbed or staring at some attractive person’s butt instead of you, I believe it is possible for human beings to be cordial for the 12.5% of a standard day (which translates to 3 hours) necessarily to get through a date. Afterward you can tell you friends anything you want and poke fun until the cows come home but be nice on the date itself because you never know how low your date’s self esteem might be due to not dating much. Being cruel, even you think it’s justified, could send them over the edge OR make you a target of retribution. When people lash out because they are depressed or hurt, they can strike out for any reason so don’t give them any cause to put you in their cross hairs.
It’s like when you get bad service at a restaurant. The best policy (and I know this because I’ve been a waiter before) is not to swear and hurl insults at the waiter during the meal, as he may spit in your food. Wait until you’ve eaten everything and the bill comes then stiff him on the tip. That causes the least amount of risk with the highest amount of effect.
#3- Appreciate and don’t resent - Being fixed-up can be humiliating, especially when the referral was unsolicited. For some people it can feel as if their friends may be telling them, point blank, that they are pathetic. But I would urge you not to ever look at it this way.
When a friend of mine sets me up they are actually vouching for my character. They are banking on the fact that I am a good person that’s just having a run of bad luck. They also know that their “set-up” credibility is on the line if I don’t end up acting like the person they reported me to be. That’s an honour, not an insult, and I always thank my friends for the effort even if it doesn’t work out.
#4- Do something fun - While you hope for the best, prepare for the worse. My suggestion is that you pick a fun activity to do on the date. This way if the date tanks, at least you had fun insofar as the activity.
But there are two rules of thumb on that. Typically you’d want an activity that allows for talking and interaction (movies aren’t the best idea) and if you do something competitive (like billiards, bowling, etc.), don’t over do it—meaning don’t gloat if you win and don’t act like a spoilsport if you lose.
The good thing about picking an interactive activity is that it tends to open people up and can turn a date that would have been bad into a good one.
#5 See this “fix-up” as an opportunity, not a requirement. Look the reason why your friends set you up (and the reason why you accepted) is because you’re probably have a tough time meeting decent people. Much like in the sales industry, referrals speak volumes. But, that being said, it is important for you to keep your perspective and just understand that if there’s no spark, that’s okay. The important thing is that you got out there and gave-it-a-go. Being an active agent in your own destiny generates confidence and, as a result, makes you sexier which can lead to even more positive date experiences.
Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species.
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#2 Being nice is also not “burning bridges”. They could be a connection later to someone else who is a good match for you. Its good Karma.