You will never know if the wife felt that way because of something recent that was said, or something from months ago or longer. She may have misunderstood something said about someone else, and she jumped to the conclusion the story was about you. Or she may have felt your ex was the injured party and was vindictive and making things up.

It doesn’t matter.

When you say that this started with the ex’s best friend’s wife - my first thought is that the ex was deceitful and despicable in his lack of social virtues. And his best friend is quite likely just as immoral, deceptive, and dishonest. You didn’t mention if alcohol was a strong force in the ex’s life - but lying and alcohol go together, as well.

The most you should ever do in a situation like this, is to assure your friend that you weren’t at fault. Your friend, like everyone else, will have to form her own opinion, based on her knowledge and respect for you.

Unfortunately, from your reaction, I am almost ready to suggest you restart the clock on no contact. He didn’t talk to you, but the gossip did reawaken all the emotions and drama and attention on him and your relationship. However this gossip got started, the result is that it did harm you, your plans, your emotional health, and the healing you have done. And it is totally unfair that the best thing to do now is to let it go, and go on to continue healing.

Peace.

Why does it matter?

At this point we don’t care about him. But you have to be business-polite at work, or your coworkes and superiors will have consider you a problem ‘working with others’. You can’t be a whit more intimate than ‘business-polite’ with him, because you don’t want to encourage him or confuse the message. And the message has to be that you don’t find him acceptable. There are dozens of guys that you likely are quite uninterested about what they do after work. The ex became one of those ‘just not interested’ people.

Be very sure that nothing you say or do, your body language or your facial expression, leads him to kiss you at work again. Then report his sexual harassment. In the elevator? You should have been able to move away to avoid the contact - which wouldn’t have been a tacit invitation.

The best revenge is living well. Don’t torment yourself with ‘immune’, just avoid the risk he poses to confuse or hurt you again.

Your post struck a nerve with me as I experienced the same things you wrote about. I used to feel really hurt that my Mr. EUM would say how much he missed me and loved me and not back it up with believeable beahviours. How could he miss me and not make plans to see me? How could he love me yet repeatedly do things to hurt me? The answer was in my face all along - he doesn’t love me. And deep down inside, you know that your EUM doesn’t care about you either.

I used to think that maybe my EUM was just shy and with a little love and patience, I could coax him out of his emotional shell. Waste of time. What really made me decide to throw in the towel on this dude was when I focused on the factual aspects of our “relationship,” no feelings permitted. This is what I saw:

*He called me on average every 3 days when we were “good.” (In the begining it was twice a day)

*We spent more time arguing than anything else, usually because I dared to discuss “us”, try to make plans to go out or worst, make plans for our future. Why couldn’t I understand that he was “busy”? Why couldn’t I accept that he couldn’t spend time with me or call me?

*In fact, he was soooooo busy that I saw him approximately 5 times in 16 weeks - and for about 2 hours.

*That in 1 year together, we never went anywhere except for the first few weeks. (bars, meeting his family, dinner)

*That he has never surprised me or made plans with me

*That he never had any money to do things with/for me (Amazing, he found money to learn how to fly!)

Those were my facts. During our time together I would get angry, he would say sorry, we would have sex and back to square one. In the final stages, we stopped being intimate but I continued to press him for information: the why’s, what if’s and how come’s. Another waste of time.

Would you believe that even though the experienced ladies on this site warned me to stay away from him I didn’t? I was on NC when he texted me. Four days I responded to his “I love you text” because I was angry (and hopeful) and wanted to confront him about his nasty attitude. Back and forth texts & he never responded to my concerns. But he did agree to meet with me. I knew he wasn’t going to show up and he didn’t prove me wrong. I instant messaged him a piece of mind and that was that.

Then the real reflection began and I started NC again (10 days). It was then that I realised that he was doing NC all along and I would be pressing him to spend time with me. Well no more.

I changed my phone carrier so that I could block him and I recently changed jobs. So the only way he can contact me is by going to my house, and my family has been given strict instructions NOT to let him in. It’s only been 10 days of NC, but I feel so much better and relieved. I no longer jump when the phone rings or check my phone incessantly. I no longer go over in my mind what to say if he calls/text because I blocked him.

Bonnie, run a mile in the other direction from your dude. I wish I had come to my senses earlier. If you have to beg, plead, threaten, coax, encourage or demand to see your partner it isn’t worth it. Listen to your gut and ignore this dude. Close your ears and open your eyes.

Will keep you posted on my progress and I wish you well.

I don’t think the goal is to be ‘immune’. I think the goal is to be a bit afraid - of letting the barriers of NCR slip. What you want is to always keep your ‘goodbye’ a clear, current, and simple message, one that cannot be interpreted as anything but ‘nothing there for him’. No flirting with the ex, no subtle connections, no intimate smiles or kisses. I would keep polite conversation limited to ‘No.” If you have to deal with the ex in the course of your work, keep it professional - as if your boss were irked and waiting for you in a meeting with a new client.

The concern for you that I see in all these responses, is that you are still willing to associate with this *type* of guy - we are afraid that your next guy will be this one re-done, same problems, same disrespect. It isn’t enough to have a life after this guy is gone, what we all wish for you is that you choose a better kind of guy next time, that you run away from the red flags rather than toy with them, that you could not again accept someone like the ex in your life.

Blessed be.

From your description with your interaction with your ex EU; he REALLY comes across as such an arrogant, presumptuous, cocky guy. The way you described him looking you up and down is so rude, and although I am sure you looked fantastic, you should not take it as a compliment. He sounds totally objectifying and I would not be surprised if he pulls these lines and “smooth” moves with many other women. He sounds unbelievably patronizing and slimy based on this post and I think you posted about him before. He is the one still playing games. I would steer clear and do not open communication with him. The best slap in the face to these kind of guys is No Response Whatsoever. Nothing good can come of any contact. You do say you are immune to him, but be careful…

A little update: I mustve woke him up from the dead. (Havent ran into him in close to 2months) I ran into him this morning-we were the only 2 on the elevator. I had my ipod on. And he was talking to me-so I take it off. He goes to give me a kiss I give him my cheek so we peck on the cheek. He then stands right in front of me and stares @ me from head to toe. I looked amazing he on the other hand looked downright TIRED (lack of sleep tired)!!! He also was very much in need of a haircut and he was juggling his newspaper and coffee in one hand. He looked very much unorganized-maybe I caught him off guard. He was wearing his suit but no tie..

Funny how when I was with him I overlooked all this and thought he was downright HOT! Anyway he says “Im going to call you later I want to see you tonite ” (or smthng along those lines). I think he gets nervous around me and doesn’t know what to say so those are the first things that come to mind to say. Or it could be the line he uses on all his women-who knows. He then says “let me see your hand are you engaged yet”? All this time Im not saying much-I just have a polite smile on my face. He on the other hand has this smug smile like he always does. When he asked me the engagement question I

just had on a smirk and put my left hand in my pocket. He then says “You’re still playing games Kendra I can see it in your eyes”. Implying im still serially dating a lot of men. (which im NOT) Again I just have on a smirk on my face and look straight..his floor comes and he gets off he then turns around and gives me a lusty stare, I stare right back and say “Have a great day ”. Elevator door closes. That one sentence was the most I said to him the whole elevator ride. No calls, no texts YET. Apart of me wanted to txt him and say “you look tired:” but that will open communication. How do you think I handled it??? What do you think will happen next??? I feel good. Im completely immune to him…