New York Moments Column: Back Home
September 7, 2006 by NYM
I’ve spent the last five days visiting my parents. It had been a while since I’d visited. Boycotting visits was my way of protesting against their manner of disapproval of my lifestyle as a happily thirty-something single urban professional woman. Luckily the family crisis has passed due to the fact that I’ve realised that their disapproval had nothing to do with me and everything to do with their disappointed expectations of their own lives, due to the fact that they see how messed up some of their friends’ children are who’ve actually gotten married and had children. Due to the fact that my mother is on some medication now that seems to have tamed her emotional problems, and due to the fact that my dad is afraid that my sister and I have been cursed with my mother’s emotional temperament and to avoid any issues he’s treading gingerly. I didn’t receive even one word of criticism from my mother for anything! And she only shushed me twice the entire time. I hope she keeps taking these pills.
Living in Manhattan for nearly ten years and being all caught up in my own lifestyle and the dramas it creates has seemed to have erased all recollection of other ways of life. After spending too many months of uninterrupted time in Manhattan, naturally I become a bit frustrated with city life and its crowds, its noise, its dirt, and its smells. I get tired and frustrated with my little apartment and the zillion stairs I have to climb to get to it, my crazy neighbour, the thinness of the walls, and the disgusting food smells emanating from other’s apartments. This is why I look forward to my visits to my hometown. It always helps me to remember exactly why I live in New York.
I grew up in a factory town about an hour North of Chicago. Most of the factories closed more than 10 years ago and now it’s little more than another Chicago suburb. It’s really a nice little town. Perfect for raising a family. Lot’s of nice homes with large yards, etc. And boring and provincial as hell. Spending time there is alternately refreshing and tedious. The stillness of my parents’ neighbourhood, the slow pace of life, and the familiarity of the surroundings all help me to feel renewed physically and mentally. Then it’s the stillness, the slow pace of life, and the familiarity of the surroundings that start to grate on my nerves and then I find myself pining for the life I lead in New York.
Everyone my age is already married with at least two children. Some of them are already on their second marriage or second divorce. The Saturday paper is littered with wedding and engagement announcements of couples under twenty-five. Most people there also expect to eventually retire from the same company they started with after college. The school system is not very competitive, there are no cars on the road after 9pm, and fashion and pop culture take months to find their way there.
I still keep in touch with a few of my classmates who’ve stayed in town and who are all married with children. Being preoccupied with other obligations this trip, I didn’t have the occasion to contact any of them. However, I did happen to run into “M” who was part of my clique in high school. She got engaged to one of our classmates while she was in college, got married shortly after graduation and proceeded to squirt out two kids. Her husband’s career is on the grocery fasttrack as he’s just been promoted to Dairy Manager at one of the local food stores. She was also able to give me a running list of former classmates of ours who send their children to the same Catholic school as her children. How. F*cking. Exciting.
This is the part of the column where I mention that if my life had taken a tragic turn and ended up like hers, I would have blown my brains out by now.
The thing is, life in my hometown is relatively easy. Everyone is mostly the same, people live pretty much the same way, they follow the accepted social codes, and nothing very interesting ever happens. I just know that I would never be happy living like that. I also know that everyone is different and this kind of life is absolute bliss for some people. I think that’s great. In fact, there have been times in my life when I’ve envied people who are able to feel content with the status quo. Unfortunately, I’m the kind of person who craves a certain amount of excitement. Some people choose to call me a drama queen when I prefer to refer to myself as an adventuress.
Today I fly back to NYC. Back to the noise and the crowds and the grime and the stench. And I’m going to love every minute of it.
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“I hope she keeps taking these pills.”
Wow! A real, genuine, working Chill Pill! How wonderful for your visit!
I think having children counts as a life-changing event. When you contemplate raising a child, security and peace become much more important. Not to mention the convenience of baby-sitting grandparents a few blocks away.
Welcome back from the trip home!