No Fly Zone- Topics To Avoid On a First Date
Conversation is a hallmark of the dating experience and at no time is talking more important than when you are trying to make a good first impression.
First impressions can have a lasting impact and make, or break, future romance. So bringing up relatively “heavy” subjects, when you are just meeting someone for the first time, could cause friction or even repulsion. Your first date isn’t supposed to be where you gauge deeply held convictions and personal views; it’s meant to be an opportunity to gauge compatibility and general attractiveness. The discourse should be light and airy.
I’ve encountered people who wanted to put it all out there and all on the line from the get-go but that strategy is likely to back-fire for several reasons.
1) Coming off as a fanatic
The vast majority of people have passionately held beliefs that they consider sacrosanct and not up for debate. That’s fine but having those types of conversation with someone you just met can be off-putting for them. It creates the perception that the central focal point of your life is this particular issue of which you want to drone on about. I have found that the smaller your world is the more likely you are to think every single thing in it is of the utmost importance—which makes the person seem small. If I’ve made this observation, surely others have as well.
In addition, your fervour could be seen as condescending if the other person doesn’t share your viewpoint. Whether it is abortion, a hotly contested sports competition or the role of the military in society, bringing your enthusiastic views out too early is bound to make the other person shrink away or become confrontational and defensive—sometimes even if they agree.
2) Staying away from “PSR”: Politics, Sex and Religion
If you want to invite a heated debate that will most likely end in disaster start talking about any of the aforementioned subjects and just wait for the fireworks. Each is a loaded topic and it’s easy to understand why.
If you want to invite a heated debate that will most likely end in disaster start talking about any of the aforementioned subjects and just wait for the fireworks. Each is a loaded topic and it’s easy to understand why.
Politics are the way in which people think their society should be organised. It’s basically a person’s view of the external world and how it ought to be structured. Addressing this subject could have you landing into debates on the best usage of tax money or the perceived corruption of the political party currently in power. Politics, in essence, represents the priorities people have with regard to their society and the organisation of civilisation as a whole. No wonder you’re inviting a potential tongue lashing by wandering down that road.
Sex is vitally important but, in a way, flies in the face of politics. While viewpoints on politics often represent the external way power is distributed; sex represents a deeply internal sensibility where “power” is replaced by “trust and comfort” as the most important component. It can also bleed, very easily, into views on family values and the origination of the most fundamental component of society—a family unit consisting of, first and foremost, a husband and wife.
Sex also makes people feel vulnerable and can speak to their highly emotional desire for children as well. As an extremely personal cultural phenomenon it’s no wonder that people get so intensely charged when talking about it.
Religion is quite possibly, the most divisive of the three. It you’ve ever ordered pizza with a group of friends you know how hard it is to get a group of people to agree on subjective matters of personal taste. Well religion takes that one step further and adds an eternal reward or punishment to that personal preference. As if that wasn’t bad enough, religious views can influence a person’s perspective on both politics and sex.
Religion is different from the exterior world of politics and the interior world of sex. Religion encompasses both these planes of reality and joins them with an overriding ethical framework. It incorporates a system of beliefs that is so powerful people are willing to die for it.
Suffice it to say that this topic needs to be avoided until much later in your relationship when a deeper comfort level has been reached.
3) The danger of easy agreements
Okay, obviously there are problems that arise from disagreeing on these subjects, but what harm could come from agreeing? Plenty, actually.
If you’ve just met someone and they are agreeing with everything you are saying (with regard to these highly contentious subjects) you may have just stumbled upon your soul mate or, more likely, you are in the company of a faker. Worse still is that by freely handing over all this information you’ve effectively given this manipulator loads of ammunition with which to get close to you in order to use intimacy as a weapon. Enjoying total agreement right-out-the-gate should raise red flags especially since, even when adults do agree on a conclusion, they don’t always agree on the rationale it took to get there. Within true compromise there’s an innate respect between the two parties but “yes” men are just about feigning agreement as a tool to get what they want out of you.
The point is that in order to build bridges and forge a new relationship it’s vital not to let divisive controversy cloud your opinion of the person. As the relationship progresses, and as you grow, you may even find yourself agreeing with something that you never thought you would. That’s just the nature of growing as a person.
If you don’t remember anything else, please remember that real consensus building is a process that takes time.
Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species.
