However, as I was reading the book an answer came to me. Its doing positive things that make me feel good…. and what makes you feel good differs for everyone. For me my self esteem increases when I save money – giving me the feeling of security and independance. I feel good when I excercise on a regular basis, I feel good when I eat healthy, I feel good when I focuse on my family, and enjoy time with my friends. Focuse on you… and ask yourself what is it that makes you feel strong.

I would like to hear of other definitions or ways that you increase your self esteem.

I wanted to let all of you know that I finally had a breakthrough. after many weeks of mulling over everything and obsessing about the EUM, I have finally let go. I realized after our last conversation that there was nothing special about this assclown, he wasn’t “deep” or in need of understanding. He’s an asshole. period. I laid out my boudaries, etc, and he told me that if the “old” Holly, the one who bought him gifts and came to visit when he had time, didn’t exist anymore, then there was nothing left. Then, magically, the blinders came off and I saw him for the toad he is. He is a user, and always will be. I’m just sorry it took me 4 yrs to see that. It was amazing how quickly he was ready to stop talking when I put my foot down and told him I would no longer continue this charade. Thanks NML, you helped loads. I needed some thing to light a fire under me.

Lori – As always, thanks for your support!

Last night I went out on a date with a guy whom is interested in me,but I started to get tipsy on a couple glasses of champagne and all I could speak about was my jewish ex who I’ve broken up with a couple of weeks ago….my date/friend suggested I do NLP, to try and find out from my childhood why this belief system was instilled in my subconcious and try redicate it from my mind and start living healthily and gain more self awareness and love myself and get my self-esteem back.

I read about the EUM…but the more I read about them, I see how much similar if not identical to their behaviourisms! I AM an EUM just in a female form! Yes I realise that I too am an assclown…its all about my ego stroking. God I really want to know what was the catalyst in my childhood that got me to this point….next year I’m turnin 29 and I don’t wanna keep going round and round in circles with bad habits and the next thing, I wake up at 49 and realise that I’m still alone!

NO MORE!! From this very moment I’m gonna do my damndest to be aware of my actions and reactions….so I TOO can have a healthy relationship with myself and then work from there to improve my future relationship!

You women on this site are Godsend and an inspiration to me in more ways than one….the crazy thing, I don’t need to do NC cos the jewish ex doesn’t want to be in contact with me anyway…but I did erase his contact number, so I don’t text him in my moment of weakness aka drunkenstate and self-pity!

So I would welcome any advice on how to do the self-awareness thing to better my self-esteem and believe in myself. Basically where to from here for me?

Love and Light
Naj
X

You’re doing great so far, just keep the faith in yourself that you can do it again today. Hugs!

Congrats on your weightloss, self-esteem and strength!! That’s fantastic. See what can happen when we drop these assclowns from our life? lol

He was perhaps the worst yet, a rich, goodlooking man, who uses all his skills to control. I say “skills”, really just same BS listed here about making promises and acting like a boyfriend, while saying he’s just not quite ready to commit (always something about the ex, or how he needs to develop emotions for me before he can call me girl friend, except he wants all benefits of a girl friend). The sex was fantastic, dinners out, expensive wine and dates fun, right? Except for the part when he would subtely find ways to put me down or make me doubt myself or my attractiveness (just one example – I love your body, you are so sexy, except men do prefer women with fake breasts). WTF? I can’t believe I put blinders on so long – 4 months (2 break ups in that time).

For me: 1) No man will rescue you financially and be your prince charming, take responsibility for my life, and take care of myself in all ways. 2) Identify boundaries of unacceptable behavior, do not accept it, opt out or walk away when you are treated badly. 3) Self analysis. Therapy (which has been a blessing for me recently), reading this site, listening to people who really care about you when they say you are not yourself or happy, being aware of your own behavior.

I’ve been NC for 3 weeks. I have a way to go I know, but believe it’s permanent since he may have figured out he can’t control me, and so I’m not attractive to him. Have deleted all his contact numbers. I don’t have to respond if he does contact. I like to believe I will repel this type of man the more healthy I become.

I totally understand the age-thing. I just turned 46 and I’ve been dating the same EUM for 2 years. But you are out. You will meet someone special. Keep your eyes open though. Dont be like me and let the assclown become blinders to decent men.

LOL, I have heard they are out there. You just have to see ‘em.