Gosh! I didn’t know how much I didn’t know.

No one ever taught me about relationships before in my life. Are my eyes being opened, lol.

Thanks . Leonine

“Happiness” and “Love” just don’t cut it, do they? After all, I get “happiness” from eating the occasional bar of choclate while watching a good movie; and no one could love me more than my daughter and dog!

It’s only now I’m realising that that’s not what I mean when I’m talking about relationships with a man: I need to be clearer, to know what I mean – after all, if I don’t, who the heck will?

Thank you, lol – you have me writing a list (almost like a job spec for the poor would-be Lover) so I can solidify – but not set in stone – what I actually mean by “happiness” and “love” to start with.

Best Regards, Leonine.

As far as what I want, I know of many things, much more currently than usual. But you are right, we most normally know more of what we don’t want, because we are either living or have lived it, therefore, some of what we do want is simply the opposite.

I believe that one of the reasons we stay where we are, and self-sabotage is due to the fear of actually getting what we want.

searchingwithin’s last blog post..I Am Not Tempted By Anything But Temptation

My god, that was me. I’m still on the journey, but I’ve come a very long way.

I’m a co-contributor to a blog for socially anxious/introverted women and have been so for quite a while now. Half of the women do nothing but write about how miserable they are, how they wish they had more friends, how they wish they had boyfriends and want to get married one day, etc. and on and on. But that half doesn’t do ANYTHING to change their circumstances and, in fact, have made things even worse for themselves. I’ve decreased my contributions to that blog because they don’t listen to my positive encouragement anyway. I think they genuinely like to complain and be miserable but lie about wanting to be more sociable. They do nothing to change their circumstances.

So when I read this entry just now, it reminded me of them. It also reminded me of the way I used to be with all kinds of relationships (romantic and otherwise).

Well i seem to become a different person when i drink and i act out with unavailable men. Sorry to speak physco babble (my line of work is in therapy) I thought i was doing fine and this particular personality comes into my life and boom i am triggered.

Today after therapy i feel like the pain with him is a distant memory and i am happy to say i will not be using alcohol or mood altering drugs ever again. Misery loves company… and i feel empowered to say i will never have an excuse to hang out with poor company again,

Bell

“If they’re not calling you, they’re not into you.”

How about if they’re calling you for a month, then slowly cut down and then stop the calls. Then come back after a month, and call you regularly for 5 months, then disappear for 1 months, then call you for 8 months, then disappear for 2 months? WTF does that mean? Means he’s an EUM/AC. And he’s chasing other tail in the meantime.

If we EUW’s knew what we wanted we wouldn’t be here at this site looking for answers to why our latest EUM treats us poorly, is mean, is using avoidance tactics or anything else. We would be leading healthy lives with a lot less drama and we’d be rejecting the EUM’s after they pull their first stunt of disappearing, or whatever.

We’d be happy because we’d be leading a fulfilling life doing, acting, and believing we’re lovable.

We would not suffering or trying to figure out why some assclown just pulled another stunt on us or even caring about a book called “He’s just not that into you”.

I’m appalled to find myself feeling nice thoughts towards my ex, but they do at least have the feel of fading memories/sepia tinted photographs, and I know they are memories of what I wanted to see not what there really is.

So that’s good. Wonderful post – I don’t really know what I want yet but I have committed to seeing out this year here and now instead of feeling all guilty that I am sat at home doing nothing and earning no money I am going to enjoy the bonus me time I have and know I will regret it when work picks back up again and I’m busy busy busy!

Hmmm this post is more about myself and less about the past. Aces. Thanks NML!

Just at the point where things had changed and we could both sense that we were in danger of actually wanting to try a real relationship, he sabotaged it but of course it was my fault for ‘making plans and loving him too much’, and ‘it was better he stayed alone’ I was the crazy in love one.

Well the main plan I was making at the time was that I was buying a new house in my own country – so I could never see what the threat to his ‘independence’ was. Now I see that it was an emotional threat, he was in too deep and he knew he couldn’t deliver on any normal expectations in a relationship.

We still see each other on a FWB basis now and I know he’s not capable of more ( not too sure I am either but that’s something this blog is making me think about). Sometimes I think he knows too, just yesterday for no reason at all he said,’I can’t take care of you, I can’t even take care of myself’ Duh, like I ever wanted him to do that!

His current woman is completely obsessed and will do anything he wants, buys him anything he wants, and deep down I think that this is what they really want, they know that the woman is totally hooked and feel safe, whereas with the rest of us they know at some level that we will see through them one day and leave.

What a great post, just came accross it. Something I really need to work on. What do I want?!

What is funny is that what I really want is not what I thought i wanted at all. I had said (and still say) that I want somebody to love me. Well, guess who should be first in line? me! The “somebody” that I want to love me is me.

All this time I thought the “somebody” was someone other than myself. And since I did not really love myself, how could I expect anyone else to love me? I attracted the only kind of “love” I knew and felt for myself … which was really none.

This is what I am working on. This is what is so difficult and should be so easy: What do I want? I want to love myself!