Phrases Feared By Men: She’s Really Pretty Isn’t She?

November 20, 2005 by NML

This is one of the most difficult questions a man can be presented with. Because unlike the “Do I Look Fat” question, this one cannot be properly answered with an immediate negative response. The question itself can have one of many different connotations, and your job is to try to discern which is the actual one you are being presented with.

The most common translation of this question is “Is she prettier than me?” and as such the answer is fairly simple. No. Of course not. How could anybody be prettier than you. “Mmm, she’s okay, but she’s nothing compared to you.”

The problem with this arises when she is prettier, and obviously so. You could go with the above, a lie in this situation, even though it is an obvious lie, will gain you a certain number of brownie points. But only if the lie is spoken with conviction. Any hesitation or over-weighting of particular words, and you could find yourself deep in the brown stuff. Better to go with an easier lie to pull off. “She’s not really my type.” It’s succinct and to the point, you have acknowledged that she is indeed “really pretty” and at the same time indicated that your preference remains with your current partner.

This should work, but sadly it often doesn’t. This is due to the female propensity for “not knowing when to leave well enough alone.” So they will counter with “well okay, but she is really pretty, isn’t she?” It is an almost unfathomable mystery why women do this. Indeed sometimes they even go further and plump for one of the most danger-prone questions a man can possibly hear, “I mean, if you weren’t with me, you’d sleep with her, wouldn’t you?” Whatever you do, you must not answer this question. If you are a man who has had any experience with women at all you will, at this point, be feeling a little like an animal caught in a bear-trap and be considering gnawing your own leg off to escape.

Because an answer to that question is not a simple answer. It is the gift that keeps on giving. It will be taken down and held in evidence against you forever more. The pair of you can enjoy a long courtship, marriage, three children, bring them up together, send them off into the world to make their own way, watch them find partners of their own and bring you grandchildren, and as you slip into your comfortable old age together she will still accuse you of wanting to sleep with that girl who was prettier than she was.

It is a bizarre fact about women that from the moment you, as a man, commit yourself to one, she will make it her life’s work to prove conclusively that you don’t find her attractive. As men, this is one of the facets of femininity we find most difficult to comprehend. Yes, of course, both men and women generally settle for someone less than their ideal of perfection, but only because for most people their ideal of perfection (in the case of men, blonde, busty and three feet tall with a flat head to rest your beer on – in the case of women, like a roll of andrex, soft, rich and very very thick) doesn’t exist.

Furthermore, it isn’t even settling so much as growing to understand the truth. The truth being that most spectacularly good looking people are also vain, vacuous and incredibly self-centred, and that ten minutes in their company has you rushing for the door (or if you’re lucky, sneaking out early the next morning before she wakes up.) So even if she is really pretty, even if she is prettier than you, that doesn’t mean for one second that we would prefer to be with her.

But then, of course, we may have interpreted the question all wrong. It may have been a leading question. She may have wanted you to find the girl in question “really pretty” because there was some aspect of her appearance, her hair colouring, the way she does her makeup, something, that she had been thinking of trying herself, and she is looking for your tacit pre-approval of that change. This too will be held in evidence against you because women do not appreciate that we men look on “really pretty” as a whole package thing and do not compartmentalise. Of course we do compartmentalise, but when we do, we do it very explicitly, ie. “great rack!” or “jeez, would ye ever lookit the arse on that”. To us, really pretty just means exactly what it says on the tin. Really pretty. And obviously not as pretty as you, dear.

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Alan 41, is a Scotsman with an English accent, who could never be accused of lacking variety as he has been a failed actor, a theatre director, is working as an IBM mainframe contractor, has had his book London Correspondence: Jack the Ripper and the Irish Press published, and also writes articles on true crime and mountaineering for a number of publications. He is father to 3 children, whom live with their mother and think that he’s pretty cool unorthodox dad, and he is obsessed with David Bowie. He struggles to relate to men his own age as he hasn’t developed a desire to become golf-obsessed, listen to bland music and watch motoring programmes.