Phrases Feared By Men: What Do You Think Of?..
In the first of this series I indicated that the invitation to “Surprise Me” was important because the possibility of sex rested on a satisfactory male response. However, in that instance we were only talking about immediate sex. In the instance of the “What Do You Think Of….” can of worms, an inadequate response might result in an absence of sex on many occasions to come.
Because, as with so many of the most terrifying phrases, the question she seems to be asking here is actually a great deal removed from the question that is actually being posed. She does not want you here to tell you what you think of whatever the item in question is. She is wanting you to recite, precisely, word for word, her opinion of said article, without first having the benefit of any kind of clue as to what that opinion might be.
The thing she is asking about could be pretty much anything. A person, a place, an object, an idea. It doesn’t really matter what it is, it is the concept behind it that is important. She is testing you to check for compatibility as a future partner, and it is a test you had better damned well pass if you were hoping to be seeing her naked at any conceivable point.
Say, for instance, you are on a second date. The first one ended well, you saw her to the door, gave her a brief kiss, not passionate, just one of those where the lips brush that says “I like you enough to allow a small level of intimacy” and you went your separate ways. Now, during this second date, she asks the question “What do you think of private schools?” Warning, warning, danger Will Robinson!!!! The question she is actually asking here is “are you a potential father for my babies?” This does not mean that she is a bunny boiler and is trying to rush you down the aisle. It is simply because she is a woman, and is thus always thinking at least five years into the future, whereas men are seldom thinking further than their next trip to the toilet.
And because this is the actual question she is asking, a great deal of future sex rides on you answering correctly. Because if you are not compatible on the private school question, then plainly you are not a person she would consider making babies with, and thus there is little point in embarking on sexual relations in the first place. Unless you closely resemble Brad Pitt, of course, in which case she may decide, what the hell, at least I’ll get a good shag out of it. But if, like most of us, you are a vaguely homely looking chap, this becomes a far less likely prospect, as getting a shag and nothing else from you is not exactly her idea of a satisfactory result.
But other questions, ones which seem innocuous, may carry the same weight. Maybe the question will be, for instance, “What do you think of Michael Schumacher?” This seems a harmless enough question, and you may be caught off guard and provide an answer based on your knowledge, or lack thereof, of Formula One Motor Racing and all it’s intricacies. Which is fine, so long as it’s the right answer. For instance, you might respond that you think it a positive development that Schumacher’s dominance of the sport over the last half decade or so came to an end this year, because there was a danger of stagnation which could lead to a downturn in interest and thus funding. Meanwhile her own thoughts were more along the lines of, “he’s hot and has a very sexy accent.” In this instance, whatever you do make sure your answer is non-committal and can be turned in the opposite direction at the first hint that you have chosen incorrectly!
But the absolute most terrifying situation in which to be asked an opinion for the average male is in the clothes shop. Because in this situation the odds are upped. You may be able to wing it on personal opinions, but in matters of fashion, your opinion is going to be judged at a later date by those she encounters in a social situation, so if you get it wrong you could cause her acute and intense embarrassment among her social circle for some considerable time to come. Which is unfortunate, as for the average heterosexual male our entire knowledge of ladies fashion can be summed up as follows:- “Huh?”
It constantly surprises us to be asked our opinions in clothes shops. Surely, we think, the collective women of the world should have learned their lesson by now? Surely they must be aware that when they step out of the cubicle we are only vaguely aware that they are wearing something different from when they stepped into it? And, of course, the truth is that they are, that no woman who had managed to go their entire lives unlobotomised by this point would ever leave such an important question in the hands of a male. This is a test, to see if we are paying attention.
Sadly this is one situation on which nobody can help you, you’re on your own. Women in clothes shops operate differently from men. A man walking into a shop wanting a shirt will see a shirt he likes and buy it. A woman looking for a dress will have to look through every dress in the shop, and several other shops, and is actually equally happy when she finds something hideous that she can mock as when she finds something nice. So on any given occasion, when she appears to be wearing a hideous object that resembles a large fairy cake, you are actually supposed to laugh. On the other hand, she may be serious and your laughter will end any possibility of sexual intercourse forever. On the other hand this may be a blessing, as otherwise you would be having sex with a woman who wants to look like a fairy cake, which is okay in and of itself but it’s after the sex that the problems may set in.
