The reality is most secure, confident people with lives know that they want, need and deserve much more than one adjective in a person which doesn’t deem to be a selling point “NICE”… are you going to buy a product from a sales person because they say it’s nice?

My opinion is, it’s an over-used and analyzed phrase originated from woman, or men who don’t take responsibility in choosing healthy partners with a well-rounded personality.

If you want to search for a partner and just want a “NICE” person… well there are plenty of them out there, but what else are you looking for, what can you offer?

Perhaps a bit of honor, to go with that extra-strong? I don’t mean, ‘politically correct’, just respect others. Bigotry, in all its forms, is ugly.

I do agree with the statement that men (and women) being strong /assertive is one of the most attractive traits and desired traits in a romantic partner. Men can be kind, and strong; sensitive and thoughtful, and at the same time decisive and have their own opinions. It’s a balance of being a good person, and having a spine at the same time. I am still trying to find someone like that.

I have been dating since I have ended my last relationship with an EUM, and pay a lot of attention to the person’s character and personality traits. The EUM projected a fake confidence; I realized later that it was just layers of arrogance and self-protection, a sort of cover-up of how insecure and unloved he really felt on the inside.

I have also met a man recently who was attractive, and ‘nice’: he was consistent, but unfortunately, also had lacked a fun attitude, that easy going, adventurous spirit that I appreciate so much in people. He was nice, but I felt something was ‘off’. He seemed self-absorbed, he didn’t seem to pay attention to what I was saying about myself, and took little interest in me as a person. I felt like his focus was “I need to find a girlfriend.” That was such a turn-off. Well, I ended up being right: he finally admitted that he wasn’t happy where he was in his life, and needs to work on stuff.

So, in the end, the trick is to find someone who has that balance of being content with themselves and their life, a fun spirit, and strong, but kind, too.

Regarding the post…No. I don’t want a man to be ‘the strong one’. Been there, don’t want to again.
I like guys who can match me, strength for strength. So I can be strong when I want, relax when I want, and they can do those same things.

Notably, you didn’t sit your traveling companion down and educate him. Nor should you have to. Men should know this stuff and women are repulsed by the concept of having to teach them.

After all, a woman cannot trust that a man’s leadership skill when it comes to relationship management is genuine unless she knows it’s not simply another passive, conditioned response to her direct input.

Cheers,

Scot McKay
X & Y Communications

Much of our culture fragmented in the 1940′s during the War years, and during the 1950′s as women’s place outside the home came under scrutiny. In the 1960′s the war protests, the generation lost in ‘Peace and Love’ and a significant fraction involved in the drug scene flatly discarded many of the then-understood roles of families and community. Since then various role definitions have re-emerged here and there in fragmented form. Now, only a Bizarro cartoon can depict a 14″ tall woman next to a 40″ high cottage setting next to the refrigerator – and one man saying to another “This is the little woman, and as you can see, her place is in the kitchen.” Ha. Ha. Growing up Mom did most of the cooking, but Dad certainly enjoyed cooking when he could find time from tending crops and livestock.

And which gender takes charge, from what I read of history and sociology, is very much dependent on circumstances, and then on role models and social norms.

I think we each tend to grow into the roles we take on.

HAF