I think half the battle is getting there — there are alot of woman including myself that have had unhealthy messages throughout their lives and weren’t able to build healthy foundations (self)… whatever the reason is: we need to and its alot of work! Through the snow, sleet, rain and even the sun… we just need to keep on going no matter what… the biggest thing for me is trusting that I will get there… trusting that I love myself enough to get there… and allowing myself to… continue to allow myself to raise my self esteem and feel great about who I am… and trust that the feeling I have inside to feel whole is there always — but after the fire, there was tons of remains I had to pick up and start to restructure so sometimes it’s hidden… and sometimes it hurts and sometimes you beleive you won’t get there but you know it’s a lie… so, for me as much as I love myself… as much as I know how far I’ve came… I have to remember when times get hard and I start to revert back, it’s just part of the process (not feeling as good… doubting, not trusting) not necessarly falling back into negative patterns with men. The point is… I need to allow myself to be all I can… and trust I will get there and everything else will follow. Perhaps me typing this right now is therapy… and not sure if anyone else can relate, can get complicated at times!!

They key to ensuring that the bad experiences don’t totally stick in your brain and ruin or otherwise affect your good relationships is to get out of the bad relationships (and fast!) once you see the bad actions/ patterns emerging. Sometimes, you have to confront the bad party, too. Other times, as with some men, I found, they deserve no explanation.

A lot of times, the woman comes from a background of putting other people’s wants and needs first. And the jerks come from backgrounds or societies where women are not respected (OR women are respected too much, as in the case of the momma’s boy with the domineering mother: the momma’s boy doesn’t want any other woman to domineer him, which, of course, is the position of their own “abuser”/controller/mother).

Funny thing is, when some men (EUMs, players, and the like) get down enough women’s pants, and they are, thus, older getting married, they become so jaded that they can’t respect ANY woman. Except, of course, maybe momma, daughter, and sister.

I have several family members who are under 30, who I’d love to find good guys for. So I see a lot of single women’s pain and problems right now. I am scared to have a daughter!

There has been only one, and one too many as far as I’m concerned.

My problem was, is that I never let anyone into my life (short-term or international relationships). I never led anyone on or let things get serious, as far as I know I haven’t hurt anyone. I hope that I haven’t.

The blessing about the EUM is that he has made me realize that I am ready for a healthy long-term relationship, and that I will NEVER allow something like this to happen again. Lord, I’d rather be alone than be in such an unstable relationship.

Natalie makes a comment about attracting, desiring men and relationships (with others) that reflect the negative (or positive) things that you believe about yourself. Your life is a reflection of you.

So back to my question since, I have continually attracted a certain type of man, whether this is the case for you as well and….

Used – not only do men come from abusive relationships but women do too which could also lead women down a primrose path if the internal hurts and destructive relationships are not healed. If it’s just one relationship that many of you have talked about, I wish I could have walked in your shoes. If it’s not I have to wonder whether it’s a matter of repeating negative cycles for other reasons that have not been addressed?

I have always made it a point to be the bigger person, however, sometimes, when dealing with some very specific people and the situations they create or put you in, you HAVE to give them a taste of their own medicine: you thus teach them to respect you.

Sometimes this may be cruel, yes, but weren’t they just as (or more) cruel to you, and over an extended length of time?

You’re right. He tries to come off as happy go lucky, a real easy going guy, as time went on I experienced more drama and confusion than from any other relationship. Tiny bits and pieces would come up re. the childhood but he just kinda glazed over it, no real emotion, almost as if it were someone else’s story. Strange.

Honestly, I have no desire in game playing, why waste my time. What do you gain from all of it, except lowering yourself to their level? I would rather be with those that care and appreciate me, too old for the other stuff.

Hey, the game-playing is an option. And, it’s fun to see how they react (and they DO react). YOU get the last word, and control, before YOU take complete control with NC! Women, assert, and use, use the power of being born the fairer sex!!

This guy comes from a really screwed up background-does not excuse his assclown behavior-where there was a great of emotional, and sexual (father sexually abused sister) abuse in the home. I know there is no communication with any of the siblings (5) but he still has communication with the mother.

I agree with your position of it also being the woman’s fault, we allow way too much mistreatment from men, and for what?? We must keep the boundaries or we only perpetuate the problem.

Re. the game playing. Too much energy!! I don’t have the time or interest to waste on dysfunctional unappreciative people. Life’s too short!!!!

Usually (but, as I said, not always), when a man (any man, not just EUMs) has a female influence in his life, especially one who is about the same age as him, as in a sister, he will respect women more than he otherwise would have (in other words, if he had no sister).

A lot of these men just don’t respect women, period. And these guys are growing in number. The general disrespect of women is growing in number, period. It’s women’s own fault, too: women make everything too easy for them. (Sorry, women!)

I also believe that these guys can get played really easily, if you are smart about it. Play the crazy-making game, too, while knowing that you don’t care if he comes or goes, this way: adore him. Then tell his friends you adore him. Then, when he is present, completely ignore him. Then pay a lot of attention to an acquaintance of his, so he can see that your attentions are being turned elsewhere…that you are not adoring of him anymore.

YOU play hot and cold, and beat them at their OWN game. They are called “assclowns” for a reason, you know.

There should be a post on this.