PPMW Strikes Again
April 4, 2006 by NYM
I was about to mail off my column to NML entitled “How NYM Discovered Great Sex,” when I got a call from a friend which provided me with a prime example of a man using the PPMW (poor pathetic me whine) tactic, and I couldn’t resist sharing the story.
Her co-worker’s boyfriend, who is here in NYC visiting her from Germany, called her. She’d only ever met him a couple of times at some work functions. During the call he told her that he’d had a fight with his girlfriend and that he wanted my friend to meet him for a drink so he could talk about what happened and that he needed a shoulder to cry on. He had called her because she was the only other person he knew in NYC. Apparently he said some awful things to his girlfriend and told my friend, “I say mean things when I get angry.”
The reason she called me was to find out whether or not she should meet him. DUH. Of course I told her, “NO!” It sounded like a no-brainer to me. She said that she felt uncomfortable with the idea, but thought about going because she felt bad that he wasn’t from NYC and didn’t know anyone here. I told her that at one point or another, both of us were new to the city and didn’t know anyone, yet we survived. Sheesh…she nearly fell for the PPMW!
Let’s examine this:
A man gets in a fight with his girlfriend because he’s a verbally abusive crybaby.
He calls at least one of her friends and asks her to meet him for drinks at his hotel so that he can cry on her shoulder because he’s alone and lonely and said mean things to his girlfriend.
I say he was using the PPMW to try to get laid. He probably figured that if he wasn’t getting it from his girlfriend, he might as well try with someone else. And calling up one of his girlfriend’s friends was advantageous on two levels. One, it would prevent him from having to try to pick up someone at a bar and thereby reducing his chances of gratifying his tiny todger, and it would also piss off his girlfriend.
I wasn’t sure why my friend was even a little bit ambivalent about whether or not she should meet up with him. Not only is this guy’s girlfriend one of her friends, but she’s also a co-worker. Even if she met him at his hotel and nothing happened, it would still appear as treacherous to her friend and she may always be suspicious that something sexual did actually happen. I know I’d be pissed off if I were the girlfriend.
She was also in turmoil about what kind of excuse she should make to him. Should she say that she felt uncomfortable because blah blah blah. Hell NO! I told her that she didn’t owe him anything. No explanation, no shoulder to cry on, nothing. And she should call him and say that it was late, she wasn’t going to meet him, and that’s it.
Also, I told her that she needed to call her friend and tell her about it. The last thing she’d want is the boyfriend calling her and telling some BS story.
Tragedy successfully averted.
And that, my friends, was the PPMW tactic put into action. Read it, learn it, recognise it. You never know who will be at the other end of the line the next time y our phone rings.
About the author: After receiving a nice, wholesome upbringing in a typical Midwestern town of the US, this intelligent, witty, and frequently snarky chick, craving adventure, managed to receive her first real-world instruction on the streets of Paris. After that eye opening and somewhat harrowing experience, on a whim, she moved to The Big Apple where she was permanently corrupted. She’s an armchair psychologist and enjoys analyzing herself and others, while maintaining a deep appreciation for the ironies of life.
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[...] Example number two. NYM wrote about PPMW (Poor Poor Me Whine), and how it plays out. After my last break up, my ex became an active user of the PPMW. “Everyone’s gonna hate me now. You shouldn’t have told so many people…” Well dude, you shouldn’t have done what you did. But to anyone who would listen, he spouted the sad dribble. Finally, he called one of my “best friends.” This is a girl who stood by me through the breakup, encouraged me to move on and forget him, and constantly reminded me how wrong he was. Well, you had better believe that the moment she got the PPMW phone call, she was up at the local bar meeting him for drinks. Not only did she meet him, but she proceeded to bad mouth me to him (all of which he relayed to me the next day.) Now, he was clearly just trying to hurt me and provide himself with some sort of vindication, but in the process I lost a friend. Now, you’re probably saying, “Why would you want a friend who would do that?” And you’d be right. I do not want someone in my life who is so quick to betray a “sister” just to be on good terms with someone who totes a penis. That is the kind of relationship may be too far gone to be salvaged, but it’s still a very sad thing to lose a girl I thought would stand by me when I got married. When you cross that line, against a friend and for a boy, you had better be comfortable standing alone. [...]