Last night I came home to find a text message from one of my previous assclowns. In short he went off with one of my so called friend who threw herself at him, apparently he is desperate as well as having no balls. I caught them at it and there was a full-blown arguement – me shouting and him crying … anyway that night ended with me storming away (thankful that I left before I got too serious with him – phew). He started seeing her a few days later.

So yeah back to the message. I didn’t recognise the number, having deleted it 2 months ago, but based on the content I assume it was him. It said (and this is verbatim), “Hey I’m probs the last person u wanna hear from. Not very manly taken this long! I’m honestly sorry what happened been botherin me awhile I kno I’m a nob not tryin anythin just want you to know im sorry, dont know why I did it just an imature prick!”

Ignoring the lack of grammer and correct spelling (he used to speak like he would text … *cringe*) I found this as an attempt to try and ease his guilt that he has apparently been feeling. Plus, considering that I heard he dumped the girl (my ex-friend) by text message 2 weeks ago might have some part in the reason why he suddenly text me. Because the incident, when I caught them, happened 2 months ago!

I never replied because I don’t know what his true intentions are, even if he did say it has been “botherin” him. He is a year younger than me and is really, really immature. I wasn’t going to reply just so that can feel better about himself, so that I can help him ease the ‘guilt’ he has been feeling.

Dunno, what does everyone else think??

I am originally form Germany but now living in the States, what makes english my second language.
So, at times I have a good thought process and by the time I write it in english,some get’s “lost”

I understand there is a primary source of supply and a secondary source of supply -ahhh, crazy, but I guess true. There is a group:
msn support NPD and I read some of what Dr. Sam wrote, very interesting and also confusing or should I say fu**ed up?

But, let me warn you, really warn you, if you start reading on that site what some of these women post, it is so disturbing, unbelievable what some of these women experienced. I stopped reading these posts a while ago, I started wondering about myself and I promised a friend I stop reading it.

One of my american friends put it much simpler to me: I was the one that fed his ego, gave him the confidence, propped him up to believe that “he still got it” and now that I am gone I am chomping away on his confidence every day a little bit, because it is “harder” now for him to attract other women because I am (the fallback girl) is now gone.
Since the other woman was living closer to him, I guess she was the fallback girl.
See, how sick and twisted all this BS is?
All this for a worthless piece of man!

I am still not sure, did you just go NC or did you tell him or was the mutual friend suppose to tell him?

Just stick with NC and get rid of his egotistical *ss

You guys are amazing in your strength!!

Love your thought process, Astelle – BTW, is it just UK women here, or are there some Americans posting, also?

What made you go NC? Did you “break up” with him or just went NC? How old is that guy?
Every conversation is about him, him, him, they don’t really have conversations we are just an audience.
2 women? Makes me wonder who was the fallback girl, you, her or both?

Although I have been online since ’95, I have never posted until finding this page (after hours and days of research on this out of desperation ‘am I nuts’?(of course not, just ignorant) – “where is all this doubt coming from- I am normally a healthily confident, self-assured woman” … you all know exactly what I mean.

I am on my 18th hour of NC from my EUM (who had a malignant narcissistic mother). I am not a therapist, but ‘cognitive, high functioning Narcissist’ has to be right where mine was; most definitely EUM.

To those of you who may read this and are new to your understanding and road to healing… please take our stories to heart, and know that you are not alone.

My relationship exhibited all the signs (the ones that make you think you’re crazy): started off great with chemistry that felt like we’d known eachother forever (big red flag)…. a first date most people would only dream of (he is a pilot), regular phone calls, great shared sense of humor, such a ‘bond’ and I was deeply grateful to feel that again (we all know it’s rare); but ultimately (like knowing exactly when I was ensnared)…. never giving (intimacy -whether emotional, spiritual or physical – avoided sex for all three+ months together- affection, occasional compliment, gratitude/simple thank you, sharing emotional depth of any kind), would take hours-long massages but would never run a finger over mine, would ‘snap’ out of the blue at the littlest perceived slight (never cursed or physical), impatient, judgmental, plenty of light critiques on my appearance (although externally beautiful/prettiest woman he’s ever been with…. like we women don’t know our flaws, even if 5 lbs overweight or a scar on our leg)….usually involved with women 2 hours away (red flag two)….he was attractive, educated, middle-aged and never married or even lived with a woman (‘I am what he’s been missing’ LOL)…. absolutely no empathy (two deaths I grieved but he dropped off the earth for a couple of days after I told him but he absolutely had to have my empathy when an acquaintance of his died)…. no chivalry (helping carry things or opening a door – I’d make an internal excuse… “it’s okay, I am an independent woman”)… the seemingly silent, yet powerful “unspoken rule” that prevented me from healthily expressing feelings/intimacy verbally or written…. every conversation was ultimately about HIM, his life (if he asked about me it was about my past relationships, which normally would be fine but I see how that is not a good thing when it is so frequent)…. repeated himself over and over…. especially about his only significant long term relationship that ended a year ago (also 2 hour long distance)…. then he asked me to share Christmas with him (wow! Milestone!!)… now two weeks later to discover what my instincts had told me all along… the salt in the wound/cherry on top… a mutual friend confirmed he has been seeing another woman the whole time in his own town (explains alot, but please don’t ask me to spend Christmas with you while you are seeing someone else)… now some additional epiphanies are occuring (valuable 20/20 hindsight/ignored gut reactions)…. if he’s never ‘there for you’ – please run. (unless you are needy/completely codependant – another issue altogether)…..

There will never be ‘healthy closure’, I logically know this. I have now written my ‘letter’ that I will never send (started two months ago as ‘the list’ of good and bad/should I stay – another red flag).. . I ignored the impeccable acuteness of my instincts thinking my love would conquer all (as I long as I didn’t get any in return). Instincts are so crucial…. I will never ignore them again out of love for myself. I also re-learned that to ignore or deny your own truths/healthy needs of communication and affection and intimacy is so wrong, and seems to keep one stuck in that ‘rut’/cycle…..

I do know I am going to come out a much better person; deeply know that (and already am). The process is sometimes so painful, and sometimes dark and self-doubting. Then I do what you all know to do – get busy (whatever I can to feel pride or an accomplishment (no matter how small)… and no, his life will not suddenly be the ideallyc picture with some other fabulous woman that was magically able to ‘open’ his heart… that is a foregone conclusion! But my life will be!! (thanks to him, ironically) (I keep telling myself that – it will sink in eventually with time – ugh, make it go by faster)…

Profoundly grateful I found you all here. Thanks for sharing your hearts; you are inspirational! And you are all so brave and beautiful!

Ali

Darcy

Darcy