Gaynor asks: Why is it that emotionally unavailable men/assclowns are unable to let go of or return to the ex wives?
My former assclown has been divorced for over five years and is choosing not to move on from his previous life. They have two adult children (one still in college) and continue to do get together for family events (every other month) and all holidays events. This is the reason we broke up, he refuses to include me in these events and would not cut the ex out for the sake of the kids. I also found out that he continues to do her annual taxes.
He claims he had been hurt very much in the marriage and rejected repeatedly but continues not to move on with his life. The ex had asked for a reconciliation a year back but he refused. I don’t understand this?
He claimed to have loved me and told me that we were working towards a relationship but with typical assclown behavior he never came through. All words no action!!!!
Please explain why they just don’t return to the ex if they’re not over them?NML says: The reason why they can’t let go is because they can’t commit to being with you and they can’t commit to not being with you. They are commitment shy in every sense of the word, fickle, attention seeking, egotistical, overgrown babies.
Your guy does not want to make a decision and really, he might as well have stayed married.
As long as he does nothing and remains in limbo, he can convince himself that he is the injured hurt party, that she is a bitch or whatever he thinks of her, and that he wants you but the ‘timing’ just isn’t right or whatever.
Having conflicting words and actions is what Mr Unavailables and assclowns are all about. They don’t know how to be honest and they don’t want to clue you in because they’re very disconnected from themselves but also because they don’t know what they want. They want the best of both worlds where they avoid responsibility. He doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want her, but he does want attention from you both. Whatever he’s doing, he doesn’t want to see himself in a real light or be responsible to either of you.
This isn’t actually the main issue here though. If a man is separated but doesn’t get divorced, or is divorced but is still intrinsically tied to the previous relationship, he is not available for a new relationship because he is tied to the previous one, marriage or no marriage, which means that he is useless to you. He’s been like this for five years so he has shown you who he is which means you need to take action instead of expecting him to. You have all of the information you need.
He doesn’t want to move on so you need to move.
I should add that as women, we love burning up brain energy projecting what we think we would or should do if we were him in the situation. We work out logically that if he doesn’t want us, then he must want her, or that if he won’t move on after ending the relationship, he must want her.
How about he just doesn’t want to do anything?
If you were emotionally unavailable and had the opportunity to dodge commitment to anything, a wife asking you back who you could turn down and then you could have your ego massaged for the next year, safe in the knowledge that the ex wife wants your ass back, and a girlfriend who has been party to the farce for the past five years still hanging on in there massaging your ego and letting you think you’ve got a big ‘ole cake and you can eat it too, would you feel the impetus to be any different?
There is no point over-thinking it. We have an innate desire to attach an ‘acceptable’ reason for someone’s behaviour when actually, often it is what it is, and really, the least of your concerns is why he’s not doing something that has got nothing to do with you.
Once you realise that a guy is useless to you and the relationship – he’s useless. Thinking about the why’s and how’s of it doesn’t change these facts – it’s called buying time.
You are not his mother, his unpaid therapist, or his rescuer. You’re the woman he didn’t appreciate enough to get his sh*t together because his head is too far up his backside wallowing in misery that he actually wants to stay in because being different seems a damn sight more scary for him.
It is a shame that we don’t apply the same logic to ourselves because if we can be logical enough to work out what they should do, why can’t we work out and do what we should do? There goes that avoidance again…
Emotionally unavailable men don’t do anything because they have women around them that don’t do anything either. The only way to remedy these situations is to be a doer, not a woman prone to Women Who Talk (and Think) Too Much.
My new book How to Lose an Assclown in 90 Days is due out soon but if you want to get ahead on understanding waste of space men, there is also my ebook, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and download.
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Gaynor – this guy isn’t changing anything because he is comfortable. He is satisfied with where he is in life. He is satisfied with his relationship with his kids, he is satisfied with his ex-wife in his life, and he is happy with you and life in general.
Change is measured in pain. It takes a strong reason to overcome resistance to change. What drives people into the responsibilities and rewards of a life-mating is hunger, hunger for something more – a deeper bond.
Sex, communication, time spend together, and other shared activities do not make a relationship. They strengthen bonds, they encourage understanding and enrich lives.
This guy isn’t hungry. It is possible that you could manipulate him, become an imposing force that breaks up his self-satisfied little bubble and makes him choose to change for you or for her – but not if you respect your self, and not if you respect him. And you cannot build a relationship without respect.
He is happy where he is. Wish him well, and look for someone hungry for something more in their life – like a life mate.
Thank you for the feedback, it was quite accurate.
Let me clarify a few things. The honeymoon phase of the relationship lasted for about six-months, and the cold/hot period lasted three-months. I broke up with this man this past May. The five-year period was the time he has been divorced form the ex-wife. Lord, I couldn’t imagine sticking around for five-years of this nonsense, three-months was enough.
NML and Brad you’re are correct, he had everything right where he wanted it, that’s in the world of no responsibility. I just needed some understanding so that I never get into this type of relationship again
Thanks
Hi, this is a great article. The EUM I am seeing seems to have a permanent attachment to his ex-girlfriend. She has totally moved on and he acts like she was the one who got away – however, he couldnt commit when they were together (for 6 years). He is the same with me. This could be his theme-song: “They want the best of both worlds where they avoid responsibility.”
That is the bottom line every time. No responsibility, period.
But after all this dissing and name-calling I’ve done with this guy, I have realized that I am Emotionally Unavailable too. That is why we stay together. That is why we are stuck where we are.
Here is another quote from you: “How about he just doesn’t want to do anything?” PING! Another gem. Both he and I dont want to do anything.
Am I happy with this? No, not really. But the thought of putting forth an effort and being responsible doesnt sound good either. In reading about his emotional unavailability, I have uncovered my own!
Keep on writing NML, I’ll keep on reading. I’ve got some thinking to do.
It continues to amaze me how much alike all these EUMs are that we talk about on this site! My ex-EUM has a “friend” that he has known for over 10 years. They were “roommates” sharing an apartment together when I first got to know him. At one point, I asked him if he loved her, and he answered, “I love her, but I don’t know if I am in love with her, but I keep thinking she is someone I am supposed to be with.” WTF? I couldn’t even figure out what that meant! Anyway, to this day he continues to have contact with her periodically as a “friend”, and I figured out that he has her in his life as a “buffer” so he can bring her up and talk about her to any woman he is dating so he can convey the message that he is “sort of” in a relationship, and then he doesn’t have to fully commit to anyone. Talk about no responsibility……
FOI,
Absolutely, it’s another excuse not to move on!
Gosh another great article and so on the money.
I swear I love this website. THANK YOU! I have been in a “sort of” relationship that’s hot/cold/on again/off again for the last two years. I keep ending things between us because he won’t even commit to “dating” let alone anything else. However, I realize I haven’t been wanting a serious relationship, so I have allowed this to continue for way too long. Although I do have feelings for him, so I keep reading things into his actions thinking it means he “cares” and wants me around, which I am no longer doing. I realize he is an assclown and not worth my time, attention, or energy. Thank god I found this website…I knew things were screwed up with him as well as myself (which is why I kept staying), so this website has really helped clarify why I was staying and will give me insight into future relationships.
I found this extemely interestng because I have been wondering if my ex lover is an assclown or not.
You see..I am the ex girlfriend in this sitution. I am still working for him but the job was only susposed to be temporary. I was susposed to build a few websites, do some marketing and that is it. But I am still working for him. He keeps finding more stuff for me to do.
It is not only him that can’t let go though, it is me too. I enjoy working for him because he uses my hard won computer skills in an oversaturated market. I like the extra money and I live below poverty level on disablitity so I need the extra money. And this job allows me to work from home.
But I have been unable to do NC. Also I have an uneasy feeling that this by default makes me a fallback girl….because here I am still around, still wanting him deep down. Still having feelings…it is just a set up for if it doesnt work out with him and her.
Maybe he doesn’t intend for me to be the fallback girl..but it kinda does put me in that potential position.
Is the work necessary? Also, does the conversation go beyond professional?
WOW!!!! This post has really hit home. NML you are so on the money about these guys…You are so right about the reason why they won’t commit is because they don’t know what they want and they are scared sh..tless of commitment.
I’ve been NC for over a month (YEAH) with a man I was involved with for 2 years. I wish I would have found this site sooner, but it has helped me immensely. I’m also in therapy and that is helping too. It is so difficult to see it so clearly while involved and to own up to the fact that I’m THE ONE WITH THE BIGGER problem for sticking around with a man who won’t, can’t, doesn’t want to, isn’t capable, is too damaged or whatever HIS problem is. I still go through some withdrawls from the situation, but I know that each day it gets a little easier…Ladies…I have a few quotes to help get you through…even if you failed at NC many times before, just believe that you can do…
“YOU BECOME A CHAMPION BY FIGHTING ONE MORE ROUND. WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, YOU FIGHT ONE MORE ROUND.” (James Corbett)…”Believe in your beliefs and doubt your doubts.” (FF Bosworth)…and “The successful person makes a habit of doing what the failing person doesn’t like to do.” (Thomas Edison)
Keep you heads up ladies (and gents on here)…WE CAN DO IT!!!!
Gaynor, what did his cold/hot period look like? Did he start to call less, not making time, disappearing for weeks?
What made you finally break up with him? Did you tell him it is over or did you just cut contact with him?
The second round of the relationship was pretty consistent with the whole Assclown behavior . He would typically call four times a week but we only saw one another once a month-very different from the initial courting stage, and I had become a low-priority. After we would get together-may have been some physical contact-I would not hear from him for 3-4 days , and he would be very distant (cold period). The walls were back up! Big Time!!!!! Whenever he felt that I was backing away or not interested, I would hear the old I love you and he would become much more attentive to my needs, until he felt I was in his grasp once again (hot period).
What made me finally end this foolishness was after we were together last. Unfortunately, I slept with him that night, this was the first time since our initial break up-earlier that evening he told me we were working towards a relationship, he just had to get the job situation worked out-after we had finished he told me he wasn’t certain about his feelings but that we working towards a commitment. HUH?????? That was it, it was time for stupid (ME) to wake up to reality!!!!
The last time he called I told him I couldn’t do it anymore, it was too painful. This situation was a complete waste of time and emotion, I am especially hurt due to the fact that this man was my “friend” prior to the relationship.
Gaynor, you saw him once a month? Does the sentence :”I have a lot going on right now ” sound familiar? You got together when he wanted to?
What was his response when you told him you can’t do this anymore? Have you heard from him?
I didn’t pressure him to get together b/c I really didn’t know what was going on relationship wise. Yes, he was ultimately in control about when we got together, for instance he would not settle on a date immediately but would get back in a day or two. Wow, that made me feel important!
He was not happy with the information but said he understood my position. When we were ending the conversation he was a bit abrupt but who cares.
Three months later, he learned through a friend that I got a new position and sent me an e-mail (typically assclown) wishing me congratulations. I did not respond and haven’t heard anything since.
Gaynor, you know, getting back to you in a day or two about setting a date, makes you feel like you filled an open timeslot. We are all busy, but nobody is that busy!!
I am so glad to hear that you did not respond to him, this will save you from further heartache, because if he “sucks” you back in the whole cycle starts over.
I just noticed, what do you mean by “second round of the relationship”? Did you break up and got back together again?
After how many months or weeks?
I know a woman who has been jerking a guy around for years doing just this to him. Everything NML says about men in this case can apply to women as well. Disconnected even to themselves is so true. Straddling the fence, being just fine with having their cake and eating it too, seeing themselves as victims, really having very little if any conscinece for the devastation their lies and deceit put others through because it’s really just always about them and their indecision. Ugh.
Astelle, what is your situation?
We mutually broke up last year as he was not able to incorporate me into the family plans with the ex and adult children. Ridiculous isn’t it?
My first contact was a X-mas card about two-months following the break. I did not respond to the card and then received a phone message on X-mas, this was convenient as the family holidays were finished. I finally responded about a month later, and we got together a couple two-weeks later. But nothing was remotely close as to what it had been.
Loving Annie, I so agree with you. My friend is doing just that with a guy now for 2 years and she justifies her behaviour by saying ” my ex husband was an a**hole and I will keep this one until something better comes along”
Now, this guy she keeps around is pushing for marriage and I am sitting back watching what she will do.
Here is the kicker, the only reason that I am able to identify her behaviour is because of this wonderful website. I am still friends with her, not that close anymore, I will always hear from her when she has a “crisis” or needs something. I tried to talk to her about it, but right now it is all about her and I have known her for 20 years!! and I thought that I knew her well. Really?
Yeah, women do it too.
Annie,
Does your friend recognize there is a problem?
Astelle,
Sounds like your friend is just a user!
Gaynor, you are right, she is a user. I also have a another good friend ,and she is really a good friend – my kids call her aunt and we are not even related – she called my EUM a user and she wouldn’t even look at this website with me at the time when I struggled so much back then, I was trying to “explain” to her what he is. She would just get mad at me and say: EUM? Are you kidding me, he is a f*** narcissist and a user, can’t you see that, Astelle? If you stay with him, you should just have stayed with your ex husband, same a**hole.
She understood the situation at that time – I didn’t.
Easy for her to say, but NML broke it down for me and I am grateful for that, she answered all my questions and I needed this at that time.
Now? Looking back (Hindsight 20/20), of course I understand, but when you are in the forest you can’t look out, but other people are looking in.
My (pathetic) story is REALLY old by now – you can read it by clicking on the advice “Why won’t he contact me?” on the upper right side on this website.
You handled your situation very well and I feel this is an inspiration for other readers and posters, because we learn from each other.
I really enjoy this website very much and I will continue on reading, feel like I am learning new things every day – and why not? I have applied my new knowledge to other areas in my life – not just men -
and this shows in my attitude every day. Yeah, I am in my 40th, but I feel more aware than I ever have and this also reflects positively on my teenage kids.
Astelle,
I think that our friends get frustrated when we allow ourselves to be mistreated over and over and over again. We continue to put ourselves in an environment that is clearly unhealthy, and it is very difficult for them to see us sabotaging our own happiness. I totally get her anger, she did it because she loves you.
The positive side of your story is that you are no longer involved with this creep! Good for you!!!!! Please don’t respond if he contacts you, it will only set you back to square one.
Thank you. I feel that I handled my situation very poorly. I have always been one that didn’t tolerate garbage from anyone, now it’s time for some self-reflection. You are right that this site gives a great deal of insight into this problem, it really opened my eyes as to what was happening and to what his motivations were-or should I say weren’t. Anyhow, we’re both in a better place and this will reflect in all areas of our lives.
Hi
My ex was obsessed with his ex when I met him I didn’t know he was stalking her and she had a restraining order against him. He has been in prison twice in the last year which is how long I have been with him. This is for breaching his restraining order.
I even bought a book called stalkers and their victims the last time he was in prison to try and work him out. His mom told me when he was with her she ruled his life he couldn’t go out or do anything. His ex even had a fight with him mom and then told him not to speak to her which he did for two years even when his mam was diagnosed with cancer he still didn’t speak to her. I tried to work out whther he was besotted with her. He still has court cases going on to get money back off his ex as they had a shop together and he lent her £20,000 for a deposit on a house. She ain’t giving it back and I don’t blame her. He has treat me like s**t for the last year. I can’t help myself and I say when we argue go and stalk your ex! I shouldn’t show him that it bothers me and really I am trying to get him out of my life.
The red flag was three weeks into the relationship when a friend told me he was getting done for stalking his ex. Whe I first got with him he made me drive down a certain road I found out later that it was the road she lived on!!!!!
Wow I have to say thank you for throwing cold water on me and awakening me from the trance of an assclown. You have nailed my Mr. Unavailable down to a T even down to the x girlfriend bull crap. Two weeks ago I told him the relationship was no longer working for me and I have not had contact since. I have had very weak moments in the last two weeks until today when I found this site. I now realize I am not crazy, there is a method (clearly outlined in your writing) to their maddness. This site has given me much more strength and confidence. Now I am done with him and will no longer be checking my email or walking around the house with my phone on me at all times. Old girl wins she can so have his sorry sorry ass although I truly hope she gets the strength to walk away as well.
Rachel,
What happened with the ex?
Gaynor,
My relationship was long distance so I now realize there was probably more to the relationship with the x than I thought. From what I was told there was one drama after another drama with her. She was fired from her job so he felt sorry for her and wanted to be her friend. Then she was fired from another job so he felt sorry for her and wanted to be her support. She never left the scene. He always kept one foot in her door and one foot with me. He kept telling me it was over but I have never been to his house and every time we planned it he would disappear creating distance between us making a visit impossible. Or he would come up with another trip instead to some exotic place which I would not decline. I now look back and see it so clearly and I want to throw up for having wasted one day on this assclown.
I can relate.
I’m assuming there are no kids?
Does he still loves her?
Why won’t he return to the relationship if he won’t let her go?
Why did they split?
No kids in his previous relationship … he lived with her for 10 years they were never married (that would require a commitment). He booted her out when he met me but it was a long drawn out departure and they stayed in contact daily apparently. Not sure why he has not returned to her except that he loves the attention I have been giving him in the last 2 years and now he has his personal space and two women (that I know of) on the string. Throughout our relationship I have felt her presence, maybe because there were always obstacles to visiting him at his place, it has botherd me so much and hurt me deeply. It was not like he talked about her all the time and he said it was over yet it was an intuitive thing on my part. When he would start to pull away I would ask what was new with Colleen and he would tell me the latest crap. I knew then that she was needing him and being charming and I was not a real priority. The funny thing is he has never been there for me through the tough things I have delt with in the past two years. Apparently he is there for her but he always drifts away from me when I could use his friendly support although I never lost my job.
Also a funny thing occured to me…. It has been a pattern for him to become less involved with me over the holidays – I don’t think he likes buying presents or spending money. He is the tightest Mofo I know even though he has no kids and is a doctor. Anyone else see the holiday pattern?
Mine was not cheap. He couldn’t spend the holidays with me b/c he was spending it with his college age children and ex-wife. I think the holidays may truly signify you’re involved in a relationship with someone.
Why did he want to end the relationship with her and want to move on to you? Does she want him back or is she involved with another man.
When my ex’s ex wife found out about our relationship-she had a boyfriend- she threatened to quit her job-he felt obligated to support her-I know she did this out of her need to manipulate and control him-you don’t do this to someone you love-but he was a full participant in this situation by feeling a need to take care of her. By the way, after we split she never brought up the possibility of leaving her job again. I experienced the same, he was not there for me the way he was there for her. I don’t know if they do it b/c they know the ex is ‘safe’ -refused reconciliation with her-and there will not be a repeat performance of the relationship or if they do it to keep other women entering their lives completely? Is it an excuse to keep them safe from a normal and healthy relationship ????
Did he make contact after you split? If so, after what period, and what did he want?
Rachel, you have NEVER been at his house in all that time?
He is still living with her and probably married.
Hmmm. Sounds very likely!
Finally it is Me who told him that it was no longer working (3 weeks ago). At least I gave him the courtesy of saying something before signing off and disappearing. He wrote me one note saying something to the effect “Lets just take a break till after the holidays” because I had mentioned doing that a couple of days before cutting it off….he was starting to fade away and not talk about my impending visit to him over the holidays…..I knew my visit would freak him out……I never responded to his note about taking a break. I deleted his phone number so I would not be tempted to text and I deleted his email address so I would really really have to think before I sent him anything. But this site has given me an insight into him and an insight into ME and I now feel confident that I have no use for him. I am a pretty smart girl and most of the time I learn pretty quickly. What I am doing is attracting the wrong type of man. This site has made alot of sense to me. It has made me think and confirmed common sense things that I should have known….. I have already made the right choices in a couple of situations that have added to my confidence level.
It is very true that he may have duped me into thinking he is single but I know him from a work environment and my circle of peeps know him as a professional and if he were lying some of us would know. Plus it was somewhat regular… that we would talk all night on the phone. It is possible I know.
Please do not ask me what went wrong… because it makes me think about him way more than I should at this point. I do not need to feel confused for one second over my decision to leave a relationship that left me feeling empty and upset and confused at least 90% of the time. I finally got a little stronger due to some changes that I made in my life and started to yearn for a more fullfilling relationship. I finally realized that he would be such a fool to loose me and he will be trying for me at some point but I want something different something more… even….. something that is not riddled with such highs and such lows. I want someone who will ask about my day, about my life, someone who seems really glad to be with me, who holds my hand in public and kisses me on the cheek when we are waiting in line. Not someone who is always looking around the corner eyeing every other beautiful woman who comes into view. Not someone who feels a need to stay somehow connected to his x. Not a long distance relationship. Eventually you reach a point when you just get really tired….. when you pray to meet a good person who does not put you through uncertainty every time you think things are really getting good……the deception that you are finally getting what you want….only for it to disappear a day later as he blows cold…….. you miss his nightly text or his good morning email….or the phone call that does not come for days.. demolishing all of the good feelings you had a day or two before. I am now learning what to look for and what to run away from and to realize that I no longer have a huge “I am stupid” sign hanging from my neck. I am leaving him so that he realizes I am not stupid. And in the long run he will be greatful that I was not like all the other women who took his crap. I am special …. a special he will never have again.
Amen Rachel! Good for you
Rachel, you are special, too special for him. You are on a good path.
I have a similar situation that is emotionally bringing me down. I have been “dating” this man for 1 1/2 years and he still will not commit to me. We have had alot of rocky roads due to this and I have let it consume me. He stays in contact with his ex-wife and uses the kids as an excuse. Recently we broke things off because he told me he didn’t know if he was ready for a commitment or to just stay single, but he also was considering getting back with his ex. A week later he called me multiple times and I finally called him back a day later after he said he needed to really talk to me. I went to talk to him and he told me that I had his heart, I was always his choice, and this is where he wanted to be. Two days later he said he was only telling me how he felt but still didn’t know what he wanted. He feels that if we make a full commitment he will be sacrificing alot and doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. He visits his kids on a regular basis at his ex’s house and sees nothing wrong with that. He feels that I should just deal with it and trust him. I’ve cut things off with him a few times but he always comes back. I guess any man would come back if you aren’t sticking to your word. What should I do?
Get Out!!!!
If this idiot had not made up his mind in a 1 1/2 yrs. he not going to. I think you need to ask yourself why you’re sticking around for this nonsense? The excuses and indecision are going to continue, he is not ready to move on with his life. The big lesson I got from my experience was that words mean NOTHING, it’s all abut the actions.
Go back and read what Brad said.
Hi Tbaby,
I have to agree with Gaynor if someone takes up 1 and 1/2 years out of your life there should be some sort of plan. You should both know where you are heading right now with certainty.
The problem is this …. He has one foot in his relationship with you and one foot in his relationship with his X. You have both feet in your relationship with him. You get all the crap of loving someone with only one foot in…. by crap I mean crumbs he comes running when he thinks he is loosing you and he fades away when he knows he has you and he knows exactly how to make you fall for him a million times a week.
He has two fall back girls You on one side and her on the other. A dream come true for a guy who cannot commit.
Rachel, I think the ex-wife is the Fallback girl.
The ex-wife is just getting crumbs too. Neither women are getting a whole relationship with this guy.
Rachel, I know, it is all sick, sick, sick
Thanks for the input! I went and met with him last night and told him that I couldn’t do this anymore, that it’s not fair to me. He told me I was right it wasn’t fair and that he needed to make a decision and stop avoiding it. I told him it was no longer his decision to make and that I have lived in pain to long. He said that it takes time to change and he can’t do it overnight. At the end he told me that we need to talk tomorrow. I think the worse thing I could have done is broke down and cried the way I did while we were talking. It hurts but being with him hurts to. I can do bad all by myself!!!!!!!
T Baby,
Mine also said it wasn’t fair and that the decision was up to him. Still in control!!! This was all I needed to hear, as he also recognized this was one-sided. Let me tell you something, if he wants you and loves you, he doesn’t have to think about, he knows it!!!!!!!! If this man is at all serious he will make an immediate decision and get professional help to move on from this problem, if not he will continue to string you along and and wish to “talk tomorrow.” Honestly, what is the point, how many times do you need to talk for him to decide if he wants you in his life? Lastly, do you really want someone who is constantly making excuses to keep you out of his life? You’re setting for nothing and he knows it!!!!!
Sorry but I want to ask one more question?
Do you honestly want to feel like a sacrifice for someone?
Honestly Gaynor, No and I don’t feel like I want to sacrifice anything for him at this point. It just hurts so bad to know that I have given so much and keep hurting to no end. Like I told him if he truly loved me and I really had his heart he wouldn’t keep hurting me and letting me suffer as I am. I feel so weak and need to get in control of my life! I have three beautiful children that need me and sometimes I feel like I have let this consume me so much that they me suffering………
No, I was referring to him saying that he had to sacrifice for you.
T Baby,
Love should not be about endless pain, it’s mainly happiness and joy.
You’re right! Your children are your priority, not this idiot who is unwilling to incorporate you into his life.
Why doesn’t he just go back to the ex if he still has feeling for her?
This story is similar to mine and really makes me angry when I look back at all the indecision and excuses I tolerated. These guys are stuck in limboland and don’t know their heads from their asses, they won’t change unless they are hungry to change. The only way you will see if this man truly loves you is if you leave his life completely, either he will make the decision to incorporate you into his life, or you will see you have been strung along the entire time.
You’ve got to face up to the truth and take action!
Thanks so much! A reality check is what I needed….
T Baby, You can do it!!!!
You’ll look back in a few months and wonder why you wasted your love and energy on this indecisive, using fool. We want a man that loves, appreciates and knows what he wants. There should be no less!
Tbaby,
It has been 30 days now that I told my EUM that is just was not working for me any more. I decided not to return his calls or emails as an attempt to talk about it. Actually, I could not bear to go through one more cycle of him sucking me in and then pulling away. It was just too hard on me. I played his game for 2 years.
These last 30 days have been really hard! But the things that have helped are the book, Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl….it shed a great deal of light on me and my relationships…..and knowing that I am not the only one sitting at home getting over my broken heart. I have found peace in knowing that I must heal my heart and get over him before I meet someone new. I feel like I found this site and the book in preparation for a really good relationship that is going to come my way when I am healthier and expect a good relationship. I feel like I found this site for a reason. Let the tears flow Tbaby and just know that something really special is waiting for you now that you know so much more about yourself and unavailable men who cannot commit.
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