Real Life: Diary of an Addict: Detox Week #4

April 21, 2006 by Pocahantas

stressed looking woman

Pocahantas’ journey continues as she settles in to her new place in New York but has to deal with speaking to her ex and realising that he is holding her back and her love for him has being the biggest obstacle to her moving forward. Shaking off a Mr Unavailable that thinks he’s doing you a big favour by ‘loving’ you is hard though…..

I’m so happy that I’m able to get back to you. I’m halfway done with the unpacking in my/our new place and although it took about a week, I finally feel like I’ve made the place home. I’ve got a couple of roommates, but I must say that it’s better then living with family any day! I love my job! I always do, in the beginning.

I will not be a pessimist. I will not.

You put up a valiant fight and I will give you credit for that much. You really surprised me. I just can’t believe that it’s finally over. That tantrum that you threw sincerely disappointed me though; I really thought more of you.

I never thought that you would try to hold me back. I guess I should have noticed that although you’ve always encouraged me to go after my dreams, it’s only been those dreams that kept me within the great state of Georgia—most specifically in Atlanta.
It’s my fault anyways, it’s not like I fought you. I knew very well that I’d have many more opportunities outside Atlanta, and I hate the South, but I never really considered leaving before and the truth is the reason was you.

I adored you. Every moment we spent every memory we created reminded of me of why I wanted to be with you and you just ate it up. You don’t want a relationship with me, but you don’t want me to have a relationship with anyone else. It completely amazes me the level of petty selfishness to which you will stoop to ensure that you get your way.

Funny though, when we first broke up, I believed you when you said that we’d be friends forever, trusted you when you said that you still loved you, had faith that you would accomplish whatever it was that you felt that you needed to accomplish; and then you’d return to me. I know it was foolish, trust me you don’t have to be the one to tell me that, but it’s just hard for me to accept that I was wrong. So wrong.

Thank you for not calling every hour on the hour as you vowed to do, and, sorry to disappoint you, but the number will be changed today. It’s just what I’ve gotta do, plus we don’t have a landline and I can’t give out my work number for everything.

I miss you, and you needn’t be alarmed, your pictures are still up in my room. It wouldn’t be home without you.

You’d be so proud of me, I started to actually clean and organise, you know that four-syllable word that I’m allergic to (sorta like commitment for you), but I’ve gotta get back to work.

Later.

Have you read:

Real Life: Diary of an Addict:Detox Week #3

Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #2

Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #1
Pocahantas is a 23 year old fiesty female with loads of common sense and yet an
unstintingly healthy dose of cynicism when it comes to men and relationships. Tune in weekly for her reality check on single living in the great US of A.
My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more