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Real Life: Diary of an Addict:Detox Week #3

The story thus far: Pocahantas finally made the decision to move away from her destructive see-saw relationship and move 1200 miles to get away from the pull of her ex. She has packed all her things, got a new job in New York and is now on her way driving cross country.
I’m actually hyperventilating. Oh God WHY can’t I have a bag anywhere. BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE. Hey, it’s getting easier.

I’m halfway to New York, and I just found out that my living situation fell through. The friend that I was supposed to be staying with (who just happens to be a relative of yours) has called to state that I can’t stay with them for longer few days because her step-children will be visiting. Surprise. Surprise.

I’m not shocked. Actually, I’m a little relieved. With the open invitation I might have overstayed my welcome. But damn this is inconvenient. I had planned on at least staying until mid-late April, but it doesn’t look like that’ll be possible.

God I really hate your guts sometimes. Would you really sink this low? Would you really??

Based on your recent behavior, I have no reason to doubt it was you. You really did show your arse these last few days. With all of the calling, showing up unannounced to my house, job, and anywhere you thought I’d be…hell I saw you more in the last few days then I did the entirety of the last month we were dating.

But that’s always been you; late, and with a seriously selfish agenda.

I still can’t believe that you got your little sister to call me and ask me when I was moving back. That was low. I hate to disappoint young people, but I steeled myself and politely told her—the day before never. I don’t think she took that well. I doubt you did either, especially with the rather rude messages you left on my phone shortly thereafter.

The good news is that as of tomorrow I will have a new phone number, one that you shall NOT be privy to, and, thanks to your meddling, soon thereafter I will have an address to which you shall not have access either.

What was is no longer and that’s harder to admit than I thought it would be.
I didn’t think that I had it in me to be as spiteful, vindictive, and plain hateful as I’ve been in the last few days, but in truth, it’s no more than what you’ve done to me.

Every street sign, road marker, and solitary country mile takes me farther from the life that I’d thought I was destined to lead. Closer to the life that I’ve chosen. Farther from you.

Plan B.

I told you I’d always have a back up. I know you didn’t believe me. Thought I’d always be there. And, through the bulk of your crap, I was. But no more.

This actually feels good. The open road. The wind in my hair. I know that each moment is drawing me closer to my destiny, or, at least, further from my downfall.

I passed the place where you got pulled over, remember, how we were so shocked that the cop pulled you over for following and then gave you a warning when he could have just as easily given you a ticket for speeding (which you were).

I miss you. More with every mile.

Your smile, your voice, your arms….

I won’t go back. I won’t break down. I won’t call. I won’t allow myself to be sucked back into the essence of meaningless existence that was my life with you.

Everything that we had was an illusion that I’d built. My willingness to compromise made our relationship work, but the moment I realized how much of myself I was sacrificing to be with you all of the rosy-tinted lenses came off.

God, I almost got run off the road by a truck….I’m SOOO pissed right now.

Trust me, you’ll get yours, and I have way too much class to give it to you, but when you get it I WILL say “Told you so.”

Peace.

If you’re into unavailable men, why not check out our new blog dedicated to the subject

Have you read:
Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #2

Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #1

Pocahantas is a 23 year old fiesty female with loads of common sense and yet an unstintingly healthy dose of cynicism when it comes to men and relationships. Tune in weekly for her reality check on single living in the great US of A.