Why are you sticking around?

He knows I know, but is procceeding to keep seeing her, I can tell he’s convinced that for all my moaning and complaining and threats and walking out, that I will end up staying anyway..because it happened before.

the fact that this happens to you is because you let it… men will treat you like crap and a half if you let them…

we need to take more responsibility for our own actions… men dont treat all girls they meet like that… so why not put the blame on yourself and be a better woman because of it??

at the end of the day, just think, who do they think they are to treat YOU like that…

pfft, i say =)

I can relate to your feelings of ‘why not me’, and when you think of yourself in this way, you always compare yourself to the other woman, and of course, always fall short.

Who knows why he prefers her – maybe she’s just as bad as him – and he’s met his perfect (deceitful) match!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – if he can’t see your value – he’s not for you.

Don’t blame yourself. Approach the situation from a different angle (take the focus off yourself) – say to yourself, ‘he’s not worthy of my love; he’s not GOOD enough for me!’ I want more. I want a man who adores me and shows it.’

Be proud of being who you are and list down all your strengths , achievements, and contributions. Look over these daily. It will help you to see your value and slowly, slowly, you will believe it, and you will reflect this to the world.

Ask God to forgive you for cheating, let go, and say to yourself, ‘I can do this’. I can move on. Moving on is easy. Before you know it, you will be the ‘best version of yourself’ – the person you are deep down.

good luck x

It really is so sad how we all have such similar stories. A part of me even today feels this twinge of hope and waiting and yearning. It’s so depressing and lonely!

But I guess we all need to learn to seek validation from ourselves and to love ourselves.

And we need to listen to ourselves, because I think we know these things about the guys all along but we don’t listen to ourselves.

Brad – something you said hit a home with me. ‘A broken marriage is not a badge of honor.” So true. That is why I questioned hid b/up from day one as I think both parties have a part to play in the failure of a realtionship, I asked him early on what he learned & he didnt have much to say & never felt at ease telling me where he failed. That was one of my red flags. If he truly was ready to move on & learned something he would have admitted it like I did. But he never could.

We have to re-learn!

One of the most important things on this page today is how EUM validate our worst feelings about ourselves.

They do it by sucking us in making us think that they think we’re the best thing since sliced bread. We get addicted to that and need to rush because no voices in our heads are saying such wonderful things – it’s our fondest hope and dream.

But soon enough they validate what we knew all along – we’re not worth being first in anyone’s life.

People who do this type of thing are evil monsters. So unfeeling, so cold and uncaring. It’s degrading and devalues who we are as human beings.

I’m lucky, I haven’t spoken to my EUM in about a month. The last few times we spoke I ended up feeling so much in the pits afterwards.

So much has changed since then, for me. I’ve faced a lot and learned.

I was sitting here today, being totally valued for my work and appreciated. And it occurred to me that if he were to call me and I were in a place where I still wanted his love and approval all the good I feel would be gone when I got off the phone with him.

Ah, true love!

There was no one who understood him like I did. There was no one on the planet as sexy as I was. When the time was right, he’d divorce his wife and we’d be together. After 2 years, I got tired of his bullshit. When he forgot my birthday due to some issues he had had with his wife, I finally worked up the courage to dump his ass. That was 6 years ago.

It didn’t take long after I extricated myself from that situation that I began to see the person he really was. He was not a nice person. He was not a cool guy. He was not the love of my life. He was a liar, a cheat and, a hypocritical self-serving asshole who used me to the nth degree to satisfy and stroke his ever fragile ego.

It was no time before he had hooked up with someone else, all the while chastising me, laying the guilt trip on me for “dumping him”. And after all he had done for me – how could I? It never occurred to him that he had robbed me of my self-esteem and my self–respect. Thank God it finally occurred to ME that I allowed him to do that. And he would only take advantage of me as long as I let him.

You need to have the same awakening, Rachel. Stop and end the cycle now. You have a few good teeth left, don’t let this asshole kick the rest in.

By the way, Rachel, my ex is STILL with his wife and STILL f*cking around on the side, however, it’s certainly not with me. I ended it 6 years ago…I’m glad so glad I got out when I did.

The guy you write about is dishonest. He broke his marriage, we don’t know his reason, it might have been for you, he might have gotten caught with you or another, or the reasons were completely otherwise. But a broken marriage is *not* a badge of honor. You have spent two years in the bed he used to cheat on his wife, you have personal knowledge of his dishonesty.

Being intimate with dishonest people, whether emotionally dishonest, or legally dishonest (as this guy is), is playing with fire. You have spent two years playing with fire, you have been burned time and again, and keep playing with fire. The question of ‘how do I play with fire and not get burned’, which is what you asked, usually seems simple to those that watch from the sidelines. You either walk away and avoid fires so that you get burned ..

Or you put the fire out. Change him enough that he learns, understands, and believes in a heart-felt relationship, not just a sex fling, and you put the fire out. It will not be a fire any longer if you change him that much. All of his values will be different, and he will need a different woman – one that won’t spend two years playing with fire. Plus, you will still be left with two years of experience playing with fire..

And this is the reason NML’s advise is so poignant – an experienced counselor won’t be distracted by the flames, and can help you also see the flames for what they are. But when we are wrapped up in our feelings, when it seems we are so very close to ‘winning’ that desired and well known partner, we are are sure we just need the right words, another moment of time, and we can begin the rest of our lives in bliss.

When you step back and look at the situation, these two years haven’t been wasted. He didn’t take them from you. You may have believed you were working toward a coupleship relation, and that isn’t much closer today than two years ago. You chose to live around this guy’s life. You have enjoyed moments of his company, you have matured and your life has gone on. Relationshipwise not much has happened, and you dreamed that it would.

In one sense this guy has been helping you to live your dream (still unfilled) of a relationship with him, so you have little to be angry about your choice to wait for him to be an actual man in your life.

But now you are getting tired of getting burned. And the answer isn’t about getting clever about playing with fire. When you want a supporting, trusting, respectful relationship with a responsible and disciplined companion, you need to start with a man of character. And you should understand why you have settled for playing with fire when you seem to want a mate, if you really desire to stop playing with fire.

If I was in the above situation I would walk away not easy but it could only benefit you …