Good for you!!! Like you, good things have come out of the breakup. I have involved myself in new activities-out of necessity to forget-which has introduced to wonderful new things and people. Now I can see my life was in a rut-prior to ex-EUM and during-and am discovering there are so many opportunities in life available.

Keep going , girl!!!!!

It’s so nice to see you’re moving on. I was really happy when I saw your post. No woman should be taken advantage of because of their big heart and honesty. More power to you and keep it up, you’ll eventually cross the bridge and what will remain is a memory that you will be thankful for, for making the right decision.

There are still very bad days and it is easy to cry over the lad on any day, but I get stronger on the average. I made a mistake deciding to love him when he could not love me as deeply in return, and I knew this all along in some way. I know now to listen with my guts, my ears and my eyes, and not so much with my heart and ovaries, when I start to date again.

I have a lot to owe this community, and I look forward to the time when I and all y’all here now just start forgetting to come here. Because we won’t need it anymore.

Blessings, y’all.

Catherine, who is Regina

The short version is date someone else and prove yourself that you’re worth more than he has led you to believe. Go free yourself.

I did email her before we went NC, when I knew her brother was dying, and asked her to tell him I loved him and that he is my favorite funny uncle, and she answered me then and said she would tell him that day. So she knows I care, and that I’m not some heartless bych who dumped them all on a tiff and whim.

I have friends to cook with tomorrow, and I’m not making the things I used to cook for the EUM’s family.

No electronic communication can embrace the intimacy and expressiveness of handwriting on paper. And on a “thinking of you” communication, you want to be clear that you are expressing your feelings to her – and not sneak a round-about question about how the family is doing – and how he is doing, and whether you are looking for forgiveness about breaking things off.

Plus, if the family should happen to feel bitter toward you, or just loyal to their son, an email almost best a nasty, hasty reply.

If you do send a note, however you send it, keep it simple and clear. Not mentions of regrets, or even the past. Certainly not about whomever you might be dating, or have dated (including anyone they might know!). Like Astelle says, send blessings and good wishes, and let it go at that.

I would *not* send a Christmas card unless you receive one from them, first. No gifts, nothing.

For one thing, you need the space to be thinking of who you are, what you needs are. And what would you think if a potential date mentioned sending cards to his ex’s family? While you remain engaged with his family, you remain engaged with him, unavailable to anyone else – and likely complicating your healing.

This is *not* a common, small-community type breakup where both parties are healthy, the whole community is involved, and you can be a neighbor to his family without raising any eyebrows. This guy is a problem. You need to be extra defensive about breaking away, or you may be much longer trying to make a comfortable life.

I am feeling better gradually. I don’t cry very much any more, but the best is that crawly uncomfortable junkie withdrawal sensations are gone.

I am tempted to email his mom for Thanksgiving. It was always a very happy time for us, and it sucks a$$ that I had to break up with his family as well.

After more or less being okay with him not being in my life, it is now hitting me hard that they are gone too. His mom, I adored, and she me. I’d love to send her a nice note, esp. since she has just lost her brother, my “Uncle Doodle” or is soon to lose him to cancer.

Here is what I was thinking of sendig: “Dear T, I will sure miss all of y’all today. This is certainly not going to be the best Thanksgiving for any of us, but I wanted to send blessings and best wishes. You and Uncle D are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Catherine”

What do y’all think?