Recently I read an account on another advice site by a woman who, after many attempts at cutting contact, decided to try something completely different; the opposite. Instead of snubbing him, she began calling, emailing, texting constantly. She pestered him continually to spend more time with her, told him how much she missed him, that she just couldn’t live without him. Even suggested moving in with him. The guy could not beat a path to the door quickly enough! And some months later when she spotted him on the street with a new girlfriend, he avoided her altogether.

When I feel ready to cut contact, I believe I will try this “opposite” plan. I’ll bet it’ll work like a charm!

I love the term Assanova.

After the usual (and repeated over 2+ years) no contact after him pulling an extremely asinine stunt Assanova (his very fitting name in my cell phone) texts me his – “hey stranger, wanna have a beer” crap. I told him no, which I have done before, but this time I also told him I was seeing someone exclusively (I am). He told me he was seeing someone, too so it really was just a beer offer (he’s pulled this crap before so I didn’t believe him). Since then he’s texted some things that are way out of line regarding sexual things he and I have done in the past. It seems these guys really can’t stand the thought of us moving on. The only person (more like PEOPLE) he’s “seeing” are the ones he’s got scattered around who believe his lines like I did! These assclowns make it so hard to not respond though, I actually believe they received their Doctorates from Assclown University.

I am a Psychology student and had a paper due while I was trying to work through one of my failings at no contact. I wrote the paper on love styles and if you do an internet search for “Ludus love style”, it’s the game player/Assclown/Assanova/EUM to a tee. The world of Psychology even knows about these guys, and they are often times narcissists. Needless to say I got an A on that paper…

NML, thank you for this site. I check it really often and although I relate so well with many of the women who post here, It’s still amazing to me how alike these assclowns are.

Isolation is also something we do to ourselves to hide feelings of inadequacy, feeling that we have “sold ourselves too cheaply”, or shame for allowing someone to get us to violate our morals, our ethics, our self respect.

We can’t turn back the clock. But we can deliberately choose to follow a better goal and lifestyle. At first we may need to question every motion and sentence we speak, but respect for yourself *can* become a habit, and can open doors to friendships and relationships with truly good people. It just takes dedication to question the old habits, make better choices, and survive the hurt and confusion of the changes.

One step is to do a quick survey of everyone you come in contact with each day. Respect for self? Respect for others? Honest as the day is long? Takes responsibility for himself/herself? Is respected by others? Enjoys emotional bonds to friends and family? Acts honorably? Emotionally disciplined, neither unemotional nor anger-prone? Any “no” items are red flags.

Do you strive to pass this ‘character check’ each day? I promise – you will come to associate with a better class of people, assclowns not admitted.

It is never too late to live a better life, for the rest of your life. Even if you have to leave your past behind you.

@ Jennifer, you have to know what the best answer is, you just don’t want to have to be the one to say it. You either want a mate, a lifetime companion, or you are fooling yourself about being unhappy with the random booty calls – with him being in charge of the ‘when’. If you really want a mate, then there is not time at all for a bozo content with sex adventures. He will continue to act as “mate repellent” as long as he is in the scene. And you will find your world view distracted by his antics, and be unable to prepare yourself to be a good mate when a good prospect comes along.

Right now you keep rewarding him with your time and passion. When *he* says he won’t change, won’t want a relationship – you either have to accept his word out of respect, or disrespect him by thinking he is a liar, that he really will, someday, want a relationship with you. So are you going to leave him because you respect his word, or stay because it is OK that you consider him a liar? I can’t see any way that you can stay available to him, without poisoning your chances for a relationship.

Decide what you really want to accomplish in your relationships with men. Then go get it – and avoid the distractions like the plague.