Comments on: Seeking Validation & Understanding in Your Poor Relationships Part One

By: me

me — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:04:49 +0000

amen, you are completely validating my inner thoughts and feelings. i don’t trust myself lately, but this is something i feel is true because i can sense it in me. regardless of my desires the truth stares you in the face and then its hard to deny it. your article sounds too familiar and the results have been relentlessly disappointing because i act on an impulse to be consumed by another’s opinion and it always ends badly to depend on another to make your feel happy.

By: nomoredazzler

nomoredazzler — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:33:47 +0000

Hi all, I have just found this site and everything you all say resonates with me so much. I was dumped by my EUM just over a month ago. We were together for 15 years, have three children and I got told in a phone call whilst I was at work. I was absolutely devestated. About a week or so after he left, the kids had their first contact with him (yes, he didn’t even bother to sit down with them, that was left up to me to explain to them). They came home and in true children style told me about their dad’s girlfriend. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach!

I confronted him about this and got a load of bs. I am still coming to terms with this but have a list of all of his AC qualities, and am really wanting NC but have to do the property settlement, kids contact etc, etc.

I’m so glad I stumbled on this site as when I am feeling at my lowest (which happens about twice a day), I log on and the posts here raise my spirits and remind me to focus on me.

It is going to take me quite a while to be at peace and move on, but I am heading in the right direction, whilst he has definitely traded down, to a doormat who hopefully will see him for the AC he really is and do herself a favour.

Thanks guys, I don’t think I would be doing this well without all the great advice and posts here.

By: kerry

kerry — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:01:54 +0000

I am a senior citizen and I have managed to have met a narcissist at this late date! Out of the blue he stopped calling and has changed his routine to avoid me…….(1mo.) I am seeing a psychologist,reading all I can on narcissism,and most of all,praying to forgive him so I may be free.Broken hearts don’t have an age.

By: touche

touche — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:17:05 +0000

Ok, so I know this is going to sound so wrong, but I’ve been in a couple of relationships with AC’s and since then have been pretty happy either being single or single/mingling with people of the opposite sex. Men know that they say things that flatter women and I think NOT to be flattered (giving the fact that a compliment is meant to make you feel good) goes against my nature. However, what I’ve done to keep myself at arms length or “at bay” of sorts is to have a string of bs lines to give back to the men. Usually that does it and they understand that if they play with fire, they will get burnt. If you are cavalier about a believeable compliment, he will blush and start to think about you in way that makes him smile when he’s fixing breakfast in the AM or tying his shoes or getting his coffee, etc. I’ve had fun doing this for years and in the midst of it, I have some pretty doggone good male friends (who I do NOT have sex with) and not to mention female friends too! Marriage is not the brass ring and I believe someone on here said that you can actual enjoy living life with youself. I put it that way, because it sounds kinda creepy to me to think of doing things by myself. In the sense it’s the same thing with myself/besides myself. Semantics….anywho! I hope you ladies and gentlemen enjoy life to the fullest. It’s too daggone short. God Bless. PS (I actually came here to see different people’s views on self validation vs validation by others and stumbled upon this EXTREMELY interesting message board. LOL) You guys are great and I do mean that. I’m not being sarcastic.

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 12:41:20 +0000

Hmm.. maybe you all are right. I donÂ´t have an urge to confront other exes, I couldnÂ´t care less about them. So yeah, maybe I am not over him. I will search for a way to get some closure by myself. Or maybe the anger will just go away with time.
Thanks for the feedback!

By: Astelle

Astelle — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 03:45:25 +0000

I agree with Gaynor, you are not over him and why are you looking for closure from him? You know you will never get it, make your own closure and don’t ever contact him again, your ego will get over it with time.

Tulipa, it just has been 6 weeks for you now? What happened? it should be much longer if I remember correctly. I am sorry that his friend is in a coma, but that doesn’t change the fact what he is.
Keep on venting but stick with NO Contact.

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 03:24:20 +0000

Anne,

If you want to get back at him, you are a long way from being over him. This is how I felt in the early days of breaking it off with the AC. When you are indifferent to this man you will know you are over him.

By: Tulipa

Tulipa — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 00:58:30 +0000

I am over my ex-eum too, I cut of the contact for good reasons I told him to his face that I was cutting contact, felt great really great to have done so, a couple of bad days and some indecsion as to whether I should call after hearing his friend was in a coma which I didn’t do.. so it is six weeks now .. I feel proud to have made it .. but why do I get these silly urges to contact him.. I hate them and having to fight them .. I know I made the right decision.. (just venting) I will carry on with no contact ..

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 00:11:14 +0000

I too still want my EU ex to realize what an amazing woman he lost. I hope I run into him one day and hope he will then start charming his way back in. Only for me to be able to tell him face to face to take a hike. Maybe because we ended it via email and I never saw him again. It just doesnÂ´t feel like closure when you happily kis eachother goodbye one day as if nothing is the matter and the only and last contact after that is a lame email.

I am over him, wouldnÂ´t want him back if you paid me, but I am not over the bruise in my ego.

By: NML

NML — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 21:10:56 +0000

Hi Everyone. Due to a technical fault with the previous service which notifies you by email when I publish a new post, I have had to move to a new provider. The error means you will now need to sign up to the Feedblitz service if you want to start receiving emails again. Apologies for any inconvenience caused. Thanks Natalie/NML

By: Astelle

Astelle — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:52:25 +0000

Better, good for you, I am so glad that you got it. Took me a long time to get it, but I can laugh now at things that happened.

By: Betterwithouthim

Betterwithouthim — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:06:16 +0000

Astelle- I think he will have forgotten he wrote to me in the first place. Which makes the whole situation even funnier, for me anyways! 5 months of NC and I’m finally getting it. Amen!

Annied- Way to go GF!!!

By: Astelle

Astelle — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:03:58 +0000

annied, Yeah, you got it!! You sound great!

betterwithouthim, I had that happen to me too, here is the funny thing,
he will e-mail again even if you don’t respond. Makes me wonder does he care if he gets an response, just wanted to offload his blah blah on to somebody or will he forget he wrote to you? What do you think?
In the past I would have done the same thing and responded before I found this great website.

By: annied

annied — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:08:20 +0000

Not sure if this will help anyone, but here goes … I’m on day 22 of NC (yes I am counting!) and with each day I feel better. But this time more than the many other times, because I’ve made the commitment to myself that this is OVER.

Call it my “Gift of Life”. You can do this too. Think about the time, the effort, the love, the years that you have basically wasted on someone elses wishes. You werent playing by your rules, you were playing by his rules. If you broke his rules, he was gone, if only for a little while. Then here he comes … still with his rules … and we shrug off ours and continue with him.

It is a vicious cycle and it takes super strength to stop it. He doesnt have the strength … You do! We have to dig down deep inside ourselves. We have to want to be Happy! Were you happy with him? My guess the answer is a resounding NO! or Not really, or Occasionally. Well, they would be my answers anyway.

So let’s all give ourselves our lives back! Our own lives! Our rules. Doesnt that sound great!?!?

By: Betterwithouthim

Betterwithouthim — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:57:10 +0000

Here’s a good one. I was contacted yesterday by a former boyfriend. Over the years now and then he would contact me. Sometimes we would meet and catch up on where our lives were, etc. I thought it always strange that he would start the contact by saying he “missed me”. Never really thought much of it though, nothing which would raise a “flag”. Until now….

He sends me an email with the usual “I miss you” remark and then goes on and on about himself. He just ended his 3rd marriage with a woman he met on an airplane for a business trip. (Classic AC or what?)

My old self would have responded to him but the new me said “whoa, hold on here. This guy is the classic AC and I’m not buying any of his lies or making time for him, or giving an ego stroke.” I deleted the email never responded and had to laugh about what a fool he is making of himself. So you see, many of these AC never learn. They never get it – they just need the ego stroke.

Thank goodness for NML and all of you. I’m more aware now and to some degree conscious of what’s happening and will hopefully read the signs earlier from here on out.