She Said/He Said: A Guy’s View on Afterplay…
On occasion I feel that it is in the best interest of our readers that both sides of a subject be treated. Now, my esteemed colleague, Vixen, wrote an intriguing article on what men should do directly after sex to further please his woman. This was actually a very good article that touched on a lot of key issues, however I am compelled to add a couple points from a guy’s point of view.
1. High Maintenance is not sexy - We as men have just now started to get down the importance of foreplay and now this “afterplay” stuff is sprung on us. I think that any good relationship needs compromise and the first thing that needs to be understood is that for men, having sex (and especially an orgasm) causes us to get fatigued (at best) or downright sleepy (at worst). I think it is highly unreasonable to always expect us to do the things you like cuddle, whispering into your ear, or gearing for more sex if we cannot be allowed to sleep from time to time. It should be a 50% split down the middle. As much as women like their “afterplay” activities, men are deeply fulfilled by having great sex and then falling into a well-deserved sleep.
2. Making some women orgasm is difficult, please appreciate that fact - First off, each and every women I’ve ever been with have slightly different methods to get them to an orgasm. So it can be stressful learning each new person’s unique needs. Beyond that it can take a lot of effort to make women orgasm consistently. Rubbing their clit, licking their nipples, gently, caressing their inner thighs, whispering praises in their ears, getting into different positions so that the penis is angled properly can sometimes all be necessary to intensify the female reaction during the act. Even more annoying, some women want all this done simultaneously. It is important that if you are a hard-to-please woman physically, that you give your man some slack especially if he’s really trying hard to make love to you properly.
On the flip side, with men all we need is good visual stimulus, some consistent stroking and we’re there. Is it no wonder that some men get tired of jumping through hoops every time he wants to get his rocks off? If the roles were reversed I think women would find themselves hard pressed to always be willing to go through what we go through just to get some reciprocal attention.
Again I’m not suggesting that men shouldn’t work at pleasuring their mate but I do think that women need to understand men’s needs and give them a break from time to time. Making love should not be like a second job.
3. Conversation - Okay, in Vixen’s article she cautions men not to talk about things that don’t interest the woman at all. I know plenty of men that avoid communicating because they don’t want to talk about the things women want to talk about. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about the relationship and what the love-making really means. Maybe he’s not articulate and doesn’t feel that verbal communication is his strong suit. He’s already told you he cares by blowing your socks off and making sure you were satisfied. It’s ridiculous to then think that he has to speak on topics he might not feel comfortable with just to round out the evening. Let’s reverse the roles, shall we?
If you just gave your man the blow job of his life and he came all over your body, would you like if then he made you clean up, get into uncomfortable lingerie and do a strip tease to make him cum again citing that this was his form of “afterplay”? Hell no, you pleasured him and gave of yourself so he could be satisfied and now you want to focus on you. From a women’s perspective asking a man to talk afterward may not seem as involved as the example I’ve given, where the roles are reversed, but for some men talking about their feelings is EASILY as uncomfortable as wearing a tight thong. There are times when the relationship needs to be discussed, however the time after sex is not always one of them.
4. More Sex?
As far as I’m concerned if you are one of those women who just lay there like a lump then you don’t get a say in whether or not there is a round two. If, however, you are an active participant you do.
But as an active participant, partner with your lover and give him a break sometimes. If he’s always on top, try riding him instead; if he’s willing to stand while you are on the edge of the bed, then offer tol et him do you doggy style so he can kneel on the bed for awhile.
“Afterplay” just sounds like another way to get more out of this particular part of the relationship than you put in and if it’s to be anything more than a gimmick it will take an equal partnership by both parties.
Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species. Be sure to look out for him in his weekly column Beyond the Penis, where he will be expounding to us what men really think of the ‘fairer sex’.
