She Said/He Said: Snooping…

Vixen’s at it again! Rushing in where even angels fear to tread. I have to admit that I would be hard pressed to bring up the discussion of snooping, and all it entails, just in plain conversation but that just goes to show what type of metal she’s made of… the best, of course. Read her original article about snooping HERE.
That being said the reason why I wouldn’t have brought it up would be because trying to justify snooping in a relationship is a slippery slope if I’ve ever seen one. Why? Well for all the reasons cited in her article, “Snooping a Relationship Rite of Passage?”, she didn’t really get at what the ultimate implications of snooping are. While it’s true that “snooping ultimately implies that you don’t trust the other person” she doesn’t talk about what that really means.

What it really means if you are willing to stoop to snooping in order to find out whether or not your significant other is honest or not, is that your relationship has issues that snooping won’t solve. And if you don’t trust the person you either need to talk to them, thereby making them a partner in the issue or decide that you’ll ignore it or just leave the relationship.
Insofar as the rights that you have in a romantic relationship, you and he have a right to privacy. Period.

To clarify, while you have the right to leave him (if necessary), you do not have the right to rummage through his stuff or to treat his life like a criminal investigation. If he isn’t open enough for you and doesn’t share enough of his life, invading is privacy is not going to correct that. Even if you are successful in finding out the current dirty laundry, he’ll stock pile more for the future and keep you out of the loop once again. The other scenario is even if he’s innocent, there’s some type of behavior that he engages in that makes you not trust that he’s being faithful. That feeling probably won’t stop even if he never cheats on you. Yes not snooping means you may never get full confirmation as to whether or not he’s cheating, or engaged in other sundry activities, but if you have a sense that something’s seriously wrong then, again, snooping may help but only by putting a band-aid on an open chest wound.

Fundamental relationship building needs to be established early on and expectations need to be communicated upfront. It is important that you decide how much communication you need in your relationship and how you will deal with a potential problem if you start seeing troubling indicators. Contrary to popular belief you can only control you, you can’t control him.

So if you think your man is cheating escalate the issue by confronting him directly from the onset. If that doesn’t work to your satisfaction, talk to your closest, most discreet friends to gauge whether or not it’s just you and if more people agree with your intuition than don’t, consider ending the relationship. Two wrongs don’t make a right and if he is cheating you don’t want him to take your character and integrity down into the mud with him. Defer to your better nature because you may not have to keep him around but you’ll have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. And, beyond that, you DO NOT want to get a reputation with other potential boyfriends as a “snooper”. I can assure you men will keep away from a known “snooper” - they won’t touch you with a 100 foot pole!

Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species. Be sure to look out for him in his weekly column Beyond the Penis, where he will be expounding to us what men really think of the ‘fairer sex’.

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