I can hand on heart say that I have never asked a guy out and you know what, there are more women out there like me, than ones that aren’t. Some of us may make noises about being independent women (click, click those fingers with me), you don’t own me, I don’t see no ring on this finger, I can pay my way on dates, men and women are equal, but let’s be real: Just like the issue of who pays on dates and why, women asking men out is not a mainstream activity.

Clearly a clinging to traditions and expectations is at the heart of the resistance to us ladies asking men out and there is also that fear of rejection. But let’s be fair now, who says that men have to have carte blanche on being rejected?

I don’t see anything wrong with women asking men out, although that’s easy for me to say when I haven’t done it. Thinking back, I have made eyes at some hot guys in the past and faltered at the idea of making the first move so I know that I expected guys to ask me out. As it is, I’m loved up and settled, but if I wasn’t, I would have had to make more of an effort instead of hoping that someone would just ‘show up’.

If you want to have more control over your dating opportunities and not just be waiting for some guy to show up and ask you out, you’re likely to increase your chances of success in dating by taking an active part in the initial process. We shouldn’t just expect to leave our home in our gladrags, make-up and beaming personality, and hope that that cutie in the corner wants you as much as you want him and that he’ll approach. What’s to lose by asking the guy out?

It doesn’t matter what progress we think that readdressing the gender balance over the past 40 years or so has made – between how we were parented, our peers, social and media messaging, plus our own experiences of dating and relationships, there are a hell of a lot of confused men and women who don’t know how to act in relationships, and who also pick and choose the traditions that they want to hold on to and let go of. By rights, we should now be at a stage where it’s fair game for either sex to make the first move, but this doesn’t happen because:

Many women have it entrenched in them to expect a man to make the first move. For these women, asking a man out is likely to sour things before they’ve even started as it will play havoc with their insecurity about the situation.

Some men have it hardwired into them to make the first move and even though they may say that they would like to be asked out by a woman, when it does happen, they feel like they’re being emasculated.

Men have more of a Strike Whilst You Have a Limited Window of Opportunity mentality and they know what’s expected of them, and to be fair to them, they just get on and do it!

It may appear on the surface that you will lose face if they say no but remember that unless you actually know the person 1) It shouldn’t matter because you don’t know them, 2) Men have been putting up with this type of rejection for a long time, and 3) Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

And that’s the key – It’s easy to sit back and bemoan your lack of dates and approaches from men, but the reason why you should ask guys out is because it will stop you from being passive about your dating opportunities. Remember, if he can’t cope with the fact that you asked him out, you’re lucky he said no!

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3 Responses to Should Women Just Ask Guys Out?

  1. tulipa says:

    Maybe its just me but not one relationship has worked out where I have asked the guy out ….. I have recently read its them that love the chase … who knows I don’t ask anymore .

  2. Chicks being aggressive in the dating game. Yeh not to sure about that one yet.

    I think the number one problem with chicks asking a guy out on a date is that she is the one that is doing the chasing.

    Guys apparently love the chase and while many of them would say that they would be flattered if a chick approached them. That’s where it would stop. At Flattery.

    Guys love chasing, they like the challenge, so let them chase. If you like a guy and you think that he likes you. Then its your job just to show him that you are open and available to his approach. That is the most you can do

    Im sorry to say, but the rest you are going to have to leave to him

    Hot Alpha Female


    Don’t hate the player – Love the game – Play to win

  3. Stood says:

    How pathetic. This is one long excuse.
    Women are gutless cowards who would rather DIE than be rejected by a man.
    They woud rather go into a hospital and have their bodies cut open, and pieces of silicon stuffed inside them and sewn back up, and risk DEATH on the operating table, than ask a man out.
    Think about it.
    Women spend hours every day thinking about their weight, their hair, doing their make up, deciding what clothes to buy, all in the pathetic hope that somehow, ‘Mr Right’ will read their mind, know telepathically that they like him (because they sure as hell aren’t going to SHOW him that they like him), and come up and talk to them.
    Right now there are hundreds of thousands of women who are living with men who beat the hell out of them on a regular basis. Why do you think they are staying with them? Because they are full of courage and ‘independent’? No, because they are gutless cowards who CHOSE to go on the FIRST date with a man they KNEW was violent and aggressive from the very start. Why didn’t you tell him to get stuffed when he first spoke to you? Because you knew it might be months or even years before another man ‘honoured’ you with his presence (sarcasm).
    So where are all the women’s groups helping other women to face their GUTLESSNESS and feel what it’s like to feel absolute terror, and go up and ask out the man of your dreams, whom you’ve never spoken to before?

    As for “Hot alpha females” laughable story, nobody is buying it. “Guys apparently love the chase”. Really. Yeah, sure they do. I’ve lost track of all the times all the men I know have told me how much ‘fun’ it is to go up to women who give you NO signals, try to talk to them, and get treated like YOU have done something wrong. Then those same women complain when “no men have the balls to even talk to ME” (aren’t I bloody wonderful.)

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30-Day Project: Dealing With Tricky Family Members

Tired of dealing with family drama or waiting for them to spontaneously combust in to changed people? Need to find ways to step back and take proactive steps to redefine the relationship from your end? This 30-Day project will help you do just that.