So Your Man is Pressuring You For Anal Sex
June 1, 2007 by NML
Pressuring means different things to different people – trust me, it isn’t just making the request once – But how do you manage the issue of backdoor entry when you don’t want to do it?
Anal sex reminds me of threesomes in that both acts get thrown on the menu on the off chance that someone will say yes, and anal sex does seem to have replaced the threesome as the sex act request of choice. Being pressured to do any type of sexual act is not a pleasant experience, but I can’t imagine how it must feel when someone’s trying to get you to say yes to them going up your ass when you REALLY don’t want it. I imagine you clench up just out of fear!
If you feel pressured to have anal sex, bear the following in mind…
Pressure is when someone is making the request repeatedly, cajoling, manipulating, arguing, wheedling, and generally making you feel like this is something that you HAVE to do or there will be a negative result. It isn’t pressure when he made a polite request and backed off.
Are you pressuring yourself? Sometimes, despite your partner accepting your decline, you’re still anxious about the repercussions of not fulfilling the request. This tends to occur when there may already be insecurities in place and this situation just aggravates it. Or are you a woman that think too much? Wouldn’t it be better to accept your own answer and his reaction and leave it at that? Might as well you have anal sex if you’re imagination is going to run wild!
How did you respond? I’m not suggesting that there is a law that says that you must give a reason and to be fair, if you’ve said no, then it’s safe to say that the reason is that you don’t want to…however, communication within relationships is key. I’m not asking you to dignify your decision, but if your partner genuinely cares about you and isn’t a selfish twat, he will zip it when he understands the origins of your no.
Are you in a relationship with this guy? Are you in a bonafide relationship, or is this a guy you’re dating, a Mr Unavailable who is far too ambiguous to be asking you for anal sex, or is he a booty call, or anything else that could be construed as well…not a relationship. It easy to feel pressured and insecure when you don’t know them and potentially have other issues going on.
Did you say no out of fear of the act, a fear of experimenting in general, or due to previous experience of it? Most people find that they’ll experiment in the bedroom at some point as a way to add a bit of spice, however some people are more open to exploration than others. Likewise, there is nothing that says that just because you haven’t done something, you must try it, but make sure you understand where your fear comes from. And if it’s based on the past, you need to decide whether you’re willing to chalk it up to experience and try again with this partner.
Most things don’t feel good when pressure has been applied. They become the white elephant in the room, it sours the experience if you go ahead with it, and you’ll feel hard done by and resistant to being open minded. Only you can decide what you want to do and what you’re comfortable with and if your partner behaves very negatively as a result of you declining to have anal sex with him, there are bigger issues are at hand. If your relationship hangs in the balance because you won’t take it up the ass your man IS an ass!
If you however have a reasonable partner, I suggest that you grin and bear it…by way of engaging in some open communication so that you both understand each others perspectives and can draw a line under this episode. You may discover that it’s a storm in a tea cup. You may even find that left to your own devices that you approach him about trying it when you feel good and ready.
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim
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