So You’re Ready to Live Together

May 7, 2007 by Rose City Girl

Cohabitation in any relationship signifies a major jump in commitment. When two people decide to live together, it is obvious that the relationship is strengthening and moving forward. Living together can sound like a fun and practical choice but no matter how you think of it, combining two people’s lives can be a challenge. Even what seems like the simplest of tasks or minor habit can cause conflict in cohabitation bliss.

It’s important to work out the possible snarls as early as possible when moving in together. Who does the dishes, the laundry and walks the dog? Who pays the bills and how? Do we split household costs down the middle or is it according to who makes more money? What do we do with two couches and which one goes?

Before I moved in with my boyfriend, we spent a few nights here and there together. Most of my belongings were in a tiny carrying case which I brought over and stuffed in the corner of the bedroom. Then a few nights together became five nights until we finally were spending every night of the week together.

Before long, we had the “talk” and decided moving in was only natural since I was there every day anyway. Everything was fine until reality set in. I had a whole house full of belongings and so did he. In fact, I had purchased a new bedroom set only six months prior. Things got pretty touchy when the subject of selling my stuff came up. After all, why did I have to sell MY things? After some heavy discussions, it was decided that we would keep my set (mine was newer and fancier) and he would sell his. Let me tell you, we spent several hours on this one topic. Needless to say, it was exhausting.

It is important to realise that there will be compromise and adjustments for both parties involved. Please don’t leave these topics for discussion two days before the big move (like we did). Moving is stressful enough. You should both have a good idea of each others expectations. Sit down in a neutral environment, preferably a quiet restaurant and make a list of all the things that the two of you will have to consider at some point; money, space, personal belongings, household chores, nights out with the guys/girls etc.

Here are some tips to making cohabitation smoother.

Money is the one of the top reasons that couples argue. Get your money issues and expectations out on the table. Get a joint account together for bills and food but keep separate accounts in case one of you wants to buy something that is frivolous. That way, if you have been eyeing up a cute pair of shoes, you won’t have to justify it to your partner.

Make time for yourself. Just because you moved in together doesn’t mean you spend every waking hour together. Everyone deserves a little down time now and again.

Divide the chores. Figure out which tasks you and he hate the most. Which ever chore either of you can’t stand, take on that duty. Both hate the thought of laundry? Rotate the task on a weekly basis.

Go through each part of the house and decide what stays and what goes. Be honest, if you really can’t stand his college plaque for most beers drunk in a 5 minute period, ask if it could be moved to a less conspicuous area or better yet, put away in a box in the closet marked “college days”. But remember this when he lets you know he isn’t fond of your pink faux fur couch pillows.

If you do end up arguing, be fair. Hear him out. Don’t interrupt each other and never say “you always do this…” or “you never do that….” This will only push him to be defensive. Instead, say “I would really appreciate it if you….” Or “it hurts my feelings when you….” Arguing is inevitable so learning to be constructive during conflicts can keep the relationship in line.

Most importantly, be ready for this major decision. Make sure it’s what you both want and not because you can’t live without each other. This is the time you will truly learn about each other and yourself. Remember that it is no longer about just you, but rather BOTH of you.

This post was contributed by Rose City Girl. She’s a fine food and wine loving mixed media artist that travels a lot and stays away from men that mistreat her!