What drives a Drama Seekers need for attention and Relationship Crack?
April 1, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
Yesterday in my first post in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series, the theme of attention came up repeatedly.
The type of woman that finds herself knee deep in drama all the time is seeking attention. Like a celebrity, for her, attention is attention and when the relationship is at it’s most dramatic, for that period of time she will feel like the centre of his universe and the focal point of his attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. This is your Relationship Crack.
If you are a Drama Seeker, accidental or otherwise, you’ve come to crave the type of attention that can only be derived from unhealthy relationships.
So how did you get here?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Drama Seekers: It’s time to get off the relationship crack
March 31, 2008 by NML · 4 Comments
Today is the very first day in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series.
Lot’s of women believe that drama is part and parcel of relationships. Some are purposeful Drama Seekers, actively pursuing men that cater to the high adrenaline factor, but there are a hell of a lot of women out there that are ‘Accidental’ Drama Seekers.
You say you want to be happy. You say you want to settle down. You say you want to have better relationships. You say you want to stop being men with an emotional age that’s in the minus category. You say you are sick and tired of the same sh*t, different man, yet…it’s Here We Go Again Time.
You just seem to have a lot of drama going on in your relationships.
Your actions and relationships are in contradiction with what you profess to want. You actively pursue relationships you say you don’t want. You are heavily emotionally invested in relationships you say you don’t want.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Romanticize This…Holiday (vacation) romances
Cheekie writes….
Ah the memories…a perfect night, a perfect moon, a perfect beach, a perfect kiss. A perfect, passionate sex-on-the-beach where even-the-sand-didn’t-hurt-in-there (that much) moment.
Perfect perfectness.
No everyday BS. No dishes, laundry, dinners to cook.
No fights, no petty jealousies.
Just one night of bliss, or maybe more.
Depends on the length of your vacation I suppose.
Yes, I am talking about the Vacation Romance.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
No Ex On The First Date
March 20, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
You’re on a date. You’re both nervous and you make polite chit chat. Maybe you order a drink and loosen up a little and you’re both tentatively finding out about each other. You start talking about dating/relationships/how you’ve come to be on this date and somehow the conversation slips into the shock infested waters of Ex Territory. Now I don’t care how you got to the conversation, exes do not belong on dates in any way, shape, or form, and certainly not on the first few. If you talk about your ex you might as well have brought them along with you and plomped them in between the two of you.
The most common misconception about asking about exes or blabbing about them is that people believe it’s an opportunity for either party to find out how the other ticks within relationships. People think that you can find out how ready a person is for a relationship, whether they are looking for something serious or searching for a shag, whether they are crazy, and how they think this person will behave if they were in a relationship with them. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to glean some information from conversations like these but there are two factors that skew any information that you get:
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Attraction: 4 key things that make you attractive…or unattractive…
March 6, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
When it comes to dating and relationships, ‘attraction’ can be a word that automatically let’s us off the hook for engaging our brain in any rational thinking. “I’m so attracted to him; I just can’t fight it” she says even though she really should fight ‘it’ because he’s treating her like a booty call even though she thinks he’s her boyfriend. “She’s just…she’s just so damn attractive” he says about the woman who refuses to even acknowledge his existence. What becomes clear is that ‘attraction’ means different things to different people but I find that four things can certainly affect attraction in the first instance…
Make an effort with your appearance
I would be lying if I claimed that the surface doesn’t come into ‘attraction’. The exterior is what most of us notice first but the reality is that unless you are the shallowest of the shallowest, you will take the whole package – looks, character, and personality – into account which can actually affect your perception of their ‘attractiveness’. At the end of the day there is no point looking like Angelina Jolie if you you’re a nasty person within.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
I’m not seeing anybody else….Yes but he’s not actually with you either!
March 3, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
One of the things I learned about dating is that in order to survive, you need to be able to smell the BS coming from a mile away otherwise assclowns a plenty will suck up your time, reduce your self-esteem, and end up making you believe that dating is for suckers. One of the classic BS lines is when a guy tells you by way of reassurance that he’s not seeing/dating/sleeping with anybody else.
Now this should be good news….or is it?
The only time when this is good news is when he really isn’t with someone else but he is actually in a bonafide committed relationship with you, or is making a concerted effort to date you and move things forward. If either of these things are absent, it is likely that you will take the information, swallow it whole, and live under the misguided assumption that if he’s not with anyone else, then he must be with you.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Happy Valentine’s Day…boo….
February 14, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
If you’ve been reading this blog for long enough, you’ll know I’m not a big fan of this Hallmark day. Too much expectation and drama and not enough emphasis on the basic idea behind the day in the first place - celebrating your love. And that doesn’t have to be just for your significant other, that should be for yourself. However, love yourself and show yourself due care and concern 365 days a year, and don’t just wait for a commercially appointed day to dictate the ‘romance’ in your relationship.
But obviously, if you are celebrating, enjoy! In the meantime, here’s a few love links in honour of the day…
How to tell if you’re boyfriend’s a psycho - This video of tips for sussing out your boyfriends psycho meter is hilarious. Just be careful because if he really is a psycho, you may get waaaay more than you bargained for… [Howcast]
But just in case you think you have any psycho tendencies…there’s a video for the ladies too [Howcast]
Check out my 10 Tips for Surviving Valentine’s Day Whether You’re Single or Attached [Ask Dan and Jennifer]
10 Naughty Things To Do On Valentine’s Day When You’re Single
10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Let Valentine’s Day Stress You
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Advice: Why won’t he contact me?
February 13, 2008 by NML · 33 Comments
Last month I advised Astelle with Advice: Help me understand how my emotionally unavailable man has been treating me and Advice: Why did he respond if he’s not interested in me?. To do a quick recap, Astelle was involved with an emotionally unavailable man who she wouldn’t hear from for long periods of time unless she made contact. Occasionally they would meet up and they would go through brief spurts of togetherness, but for the most part, it was very off. Astelle has stuck to The No Contact Rule since then and when she started this I explained that he was unlikely to make contact and now I explain why.
Astelle asks “In your response you said that it’s unlikely that HE will make contact with me. My friends tell me that as well, but I think they tell me that because they don’t want me to wait for him and they know he is a user and a piece of crap.
Read more
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Is women loving jerks and Bad Boys really a dating myth?
February 11, 2008 by NML · 31 Comments
I’ve been reading a couple of thought provoking posts over at one of my favourite blogs 40s Singleness, in particular a post about women loving jerks being a dating myth, and of course it’s got me thinking.
Women do love jerks, i.e. the perpetual ‘Bad Boy’. Or if we put it in a language that makes us a bit more comfortable: we love men that create drama. We want excitement, passion, fireworks, and whilst we sometimes get that, we often get plenty of mistreating, emotional unavailability, and ambiguity. ‘Nice Guys’ aren’t claiming a rough ride for no reason; it’s because they often get relegated into the friend zone for behaving half way decent and being available.
Very few women would hold their hands up and say they like assclown Bad Boys and those that do, well they’re a different, rather honest kettle of fish, but every day women blindly pursue relationships with men that reflect the negative things that they believe about themselves, love, and relationships.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Link Love
February 5, 2008 by NML · 2 Comments
I had no idea that reading other people’s secret confessions could be so much fun but I have become addicted to True Hook Up Confessions and True Mom Confessions. There are some baaaaad girls out there and I love it. Whatever mischief you’ve been up to, whatever naughty or even evil thoughts you’ve had, there are women out there just like you, or even thinking worse! Love it!
There’s a 35 year old man out there with no relationship experience, and he’s wondering what to tell women who ask about his past… I’m wondering what desert island he’s been on… [Advice from a Single Dating Expert]
Dating Dames ask “Are open relationships healthy?” Oh hell no!
AskMen has Ten Effective [more like defective] PickUp Lines
Have you ever heard of ‘Choreplay’ before? Yep…neither had I! [Dollymix]
The Law of Attraction - Yes we do draw in what we think we deserve… [Ask Dan and Jennifer]
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
