“He/she made such a good effort at the start.”
“It seemed so promising.”
“I’ve given up so much.”
These are common reasons that are used to justify remaining in a relationship that’s no longer working and they all neglect to take something critical into account:
Anything that’s considered to be a contribution is the cost of getting involved.
It’s what’s known in business and decision-making terms as a sunk cost. It means that the cost has already been incurred and it can’t be undone or recovered. That might be investing in equipment, research, or advertising or from a decision-making perspective, it’s what’s invested before having to make the decision.
We cannot date someone or enter into a relationship with them without investing time, energy, effort and emotion.
Granted we can be wise with our investment by doing our due diligence (as opposed to cost cutting and trying to skate by on the bare minimum) but whichever way you slice it, relationships including the ones that never see the light of day because they go bust before they take flight and the ones wheee it becomes clear that each party wants different things, take investment.
We can’t keep score with an itemised bill of everything we think we’ve been and done that we think obliges us the relationship we want.
Keep in mind as well that it’s all relative because what feels like passing a kidney stone for some is something others give and receive freely.
What so many of us fall into the trap of doing is conflating the decision to invest with the potential of the relationship, when in truth they’re unrelated.