What drives a Drama Seekers need for attention and Relationship Crack?
April 1, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
Yesterday in my first post in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series, the theme of attention came up repeatedly.
The type of woman that finds herself knee deep in drama all the time is seeking attention. Like a celebrity, for her, attention is attention and when the relationship is at it’s most dramatic, for that period of time she will feel like the centre of his universe and the focal point of his attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. This is your Relationship Crack.
If you are a Drama Seeker, accidental or otherwise, you’ve come to crave the type of attention that can only be derived from unhealthy relationships.
So how did you get here?
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Drama Seekers: ladies do love drama…
March 12, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
There is one thing that is missing out of my relationship with the boyf and it’s drama. I don’t miss it, I don’t want it and when I think back to previous relationships and this one, aside from the fact that they were all annoying assclowns, there is a serious lack of drama.
We have a fun, exciting relationship which has a new dimension with the bambino thrown in and I do not miss all of the negative feelings that are associated with the type of drama that comes your way when you’re in a dubious relationship.
Ambiguity. Anxiety. Frustration. Loneliness. Infrequent highs followed by frequent major lows. Inconsistency. Insecurity. Melodrama. Heartbreak. Redundant. Maligned. Insignificant. Anger. Despair. And the list goes on…
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Are emotionally unavailable men narcissists?
March 10, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
What’s the difference between an emotionally unavailable man and a narcissist? A thin line and someone defining it, but there is a line there nonetheless.
Since I published my ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl which focused on the behaviour of emotionally unavailable men, I’ve had several emails requesting that I discuss the subject of narcissism further because many women do believe that they are going out with a narcissist.
So what’s a narcissist?
For me, someone being a narcissist has always represented someone with excessive self-love, who pretty much fancies themselves.
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I’m not seeing anybody else….Yes but he’s not actually with you either!
March 3, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
One of the things I learned about dating is that in order to survive, you need to be able to smell the BS coming from a mile away otherwise assclowns a plenty will suck up your time, reduce your self-esteem, and end up making you believe that dating is for suckers. One of the classic BS lines is when a guy tells you by way of reassurance that he’s not seeing/dating/sleeping with anybody else.
Now this should be good news….or is it?
The only time when this is good news is when he really isn’t with someone else but he is actually in a bonafide committed relationship with you, or is making a concerted effort to date you and move things forward. If either of these things are absent, it is likely that you will take the information, swallow it whole, and live under the misguided assumption that if he’s not with anyone else, then he must be with you.
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Sex – When Sex is Just Sex: It is what it is but how about the guys speak up!
February 29, 2008 by NML · 6 Comments
A few days ago I wrote about The Justifying Zone, that slippery slope that women can find themselves on when they stick with a guy so that they can justify their emotional or sexual investment, even if they recognise that that the relationship is doomed. A couple of male commenters raised the point that sometimes a guy just wants sex, which of course made me want to revisit this subject.
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The Justifying Zone: when a woman needs to justify her emotional or sexual investment
February 26, 2008 by NML · 16 Comments
The Justifying Zone is that slippery slope that a lot of women find themselves in, especially after they have sexual contact with a guy. Many of us feel that we need to justify our emotional and sexual investment and this justification is effectively attempting to close the door after the horse has bolted.
The Justifying Zone will always appear when a man fails to live up to the initial promise that he first exhibited or does something inappropriate or that raises a major red flag that could potentially scupper the possibility of the relationship. If for instance, he’s a Mr Unavailable and the ambiguity increases along with all of his other core behaviours, the potential to stay in the zone and cling to it for dear life becomes even bigger.
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Advice: Why won’t he contact me?
February 13, 2008 by NML · 33 Comments
Last month I advised Astelle with Advice: Help me understand how my emotionally unavailable man has been treating me and Advice: Why did he respond if he’s not interested in me?. To do a quick recap, Astelle was involved with an emotionally unavailable man who she wouldn’t hear from for long periods of time unless she made contact. Occasionally they would meet up and they would go through brief spurts of togetherness, but for the most part, it was very off. Astelle has stuck to The No Contact Rule since then and when she started this I explained that he was unlikely to make contact and now I explain why.
Astelle asks “In your response you said that it’s unlikely that HE will make contact with me. My friends tell me that as well, but I think they tell me that because they don’t want me to wait for him and they know he is a user and a piece of crap.
Read more
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Advice: Do emotionally unavailable men change or should we just have an open marriage?
February 5, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
“I’ve been involved with an EUM man now for 15 years. I was only 23 when we met. We’ve had 4 children together. The last 3 yrs were very difficult. Deaths in the family, problems with a son. He started blaming not being intimate with me on everything from work, to the kids, feeling sick, his dying mother. Just before the holidays I knew in my heart he’s cheating again. I kept quiet to make it through the holidays with our family.
Right after his birthday I put my foot down saying I can’t give anymore and live without love. He said I just needed to get out of the house more. Well I did go out and have a drink and when I got back I got a hold of his phone and found the proof of text messages and phone calls from 6 other women. I was speaking to one when he walked in on me. Well needless to say it was a big blow out. He offered me anything. Said he’d give me anything I wanted and I nearly threw up when I had to the courage to say…”You can never give me what I deserve. I’ve been a faithful woman, good mother, hard worker and I deserve real love.”
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Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2
February 1, 2008 by NML · 17 Comments
The No Contact Rule means that you have to go cold turkey but you put yourself in the driving seat, create your own closure, and you start to control the relationship that you have perceived as uncontrollable. It is an exit strategy and trust me, you will use the No Contact Rule if you truly want to exit a poor relationship and want to get back your sense of self.
In Part 1, I explained what the No Contact Rule is, why we avoid it, and some tips to get you started and in this post I am giving some guidance on when to apply the rule.
How do you know if you need to apply the No Contact Rule?
No contact is a pretty harsh way to cut things off but it’s increasingly needed because of the type of dating habits that both men and women are adopting. As women, we seem to love being with men that are disconnected and unavailable for relationship duty, and who can’t commit to being with us…and can’t commit to not being with us.
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Advice: Is it my fault that we broke up?
January 25, 2008 by NML · 11 Comments
I met a guy last year who had been separated for six months after being married for nine and had two kids. He was upfront about this on the night I met him. I’d approached him in a pub by telling his friend I liked him. The following day he rang me constantly, which was scary so I didn’t reply until later, and then we texted for a week, then met up for a date.
I explained that I’d been hurt before, was reluctant to get involved, and that I needed to take things slowly. He explained his ‘baggage’, and the fact that his wife had left him and was taking him to the cleaners.
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