How I learned to love myself - Part 1
October 13, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
Last Thursday I wrote about Women Who Talk (& Think) Too Much and how it was a complete waste of our time which as a result of the comments led into another post about why many women don’t enjoy a healthy relationship.
Aside from the consistent theme of giving fairly decent guys a hard time because of in built relationship patterns and then rationalising the treatment by saying that it’s not as bad as what an ex partner had done, the other consistent theme was the unsurprising lack of self love.
One reader in particular, Blaise Parker asked:
“HOW do you deal? I mean, HOW do you love yourself? So many people tell us to do it, but no one tells us HOW, really, truly, HOW step by step.
Obviously we are emotional babies, I mean as far as our level of growth, because we keep getting in these stupid situations.
And for most of us, our parents were no help in guiding us. So somehow we must be shown how to love ourselves.
And no, affirmations will not cut it.” Read more
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Why don’t women enjoy a healthy relationship after leaving a damaging one?
October 11, 2008 by NML · 27 Comments
On Thursday I wrote about how expending energy better used elsewhere discussing and talking and explaining to men who are not worthy of your time is a futile exercise and stalling strategy where we as women get to avoid making a decision and doing something about our problems.
As I read through the comments, an age-old problem repeatedly reared its head:
Women who have a relationship history of being in inappropriate relationships with assclowns and other such men, do not know how to have or appreciate a relationship with a decent man.
In fact, more often than not, if this predicament does not get dealt with, the woman who has likely been a Fallback Girl in the past starts behaving like Mr Unavailable. Why?
Because ladies, you are still caught in the negative relationship patterns. You have started a relationship without getting to a healthier place within yourself first. Read more
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Guest Post: You can be a ‘Nice Guy’ but I need you to keep your balls and be a ‘man’
June 18, 2008 by Hot Alpha Female · 33 Comments
Hot Alpha Female writes…
Recently I had to travel to the US, and one particular issue kept coming up.
My travelling buddy, while really sweet and easy going, was slowly driving me insane. I thought I was going to pull my own hair out and wanted to give him a happy pill or something, just so he would be able to talk faster instead of taking 5 minutes to think of a response to anything I said! My main frustration was that this guy could not make a decision for the life of him!! He was travelling with me because he is meant to be that little bit more savvy, but honestly it would have been better travelling with a stuffed toy!
So here is the thing: This guy could not make a decision, said YES to everything that I asked him, and seemed to have no sense of opinion himself, and on top of that was a complete and utter people pleaser! I don’t know about you guys, but isn’t this something that you would find just irritating? Mind you, some of you may be thinking that it would be great to have such an easy going traveling buddy…
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Bad Relationship AND Bad Sex - Say what?
May 1, 2008 by NML · 9 Comments
I’m going to start this post by stating the obvious - Sex does not a relationship make. It’s not the be all and end all and all that jazz. OK, moving on swiftly now that we have that established!
But…and there is a big frickin’ massive BUT here…
Bad enough that a guy gives you a bad relationship but if he’s not even giving anything in the sack, I have to wonder why the hell a woman would be sticking around?
In the past I’ve had a lot of emails from women where they tell me the most awful things about their relationship with a guy and they finish it off by saying how they love him and the sex is amazing and yada, yada, and it’s what I’ve previously referred to as Great Dysfunctional Sex - sex powered by lots of negativity normally created by drama and insecurity. Crude as it may sound, you’d be amazed at the number of women that will stick in a bad relationship when a guy has a big dick and/or can sex them like crazy. It’s not an excuse, but I kind of understand a bit how someone can get blinded by the sex.
But I’ve noticed over the last few months that I am getting a lot of emails and comments from readers mentioning bad relationships AND bad sex. What the hell is all of this about?
So let me get this right, some of you are with guys that are:
mean with the relationship
mean with their time
mean with their affections
mean with their investment into the relationship
mean with their emotions
AND mean in the bedroom!!!
Where the hell have we gone so wrong that we would be prepared to take anything that we can get from man just as long as we get a semblance of a relationship?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Drama Management Quick Tips
April 5, 2008 by NML · 15 Comments
It’s day 6 in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series. When you feel like you are about to take a big dose of Relationship Crack and immerse yourself in the latest dramatisation starring you, it is important to become aware of what the Drama Triggers are and handle your reaction to it.
If you don’t learn how to handle and reduce, or even eliminate your Drama Seeking behaviour, you are likely to be perceived as 1) needy, 2) clingy, 3) messed up, and 4) a drama queen.
Now…even if you are with a pretty understanding, decent, emotionally available guy, those four things make you a very unattractive prospect to the average guy and they will eventually be turned off by your behaviour.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
What drives a Drama Seekers need for attention and Relationship Crack?
April 1, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
Yesterday in my first post in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series, the theme of attention came up repeatedly.
The type of woman that finds herself knee deep in drama all the time is seeking attention. Like a celebrity, for her, attention is attention and when the relationship is at it’s most dramatic, for that period of time she will feel like the centre of his universe and the focal point of his attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. This is your Relationship Crack.
If you are a Drama Seeker, accidental or otherwise, you’ve come to crave the type of attention that can only be derived from unhealthy relationships.
So how did you get here?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Drama Seekers: It’s time to get off the relationship crack
March 31, 2008 by NML · 4 Comments
Today is the very first day in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series.
Lot’s of women believe that drama is part and parcel of relationships. Some are purposeful Drama Seekers, actively pursuing men that cater to the high adrenaline factor, but there are a hell of a lot of women out there that are ‘Accidental’ Drama Seekers.
You say you want to be happy. You say you want to settle down. You say you want to have better relationships. You say you want to stop being men with an emotional age that’s in the minus category. You say you are sick and tired of the same sh*t, different man, yet…it’s Here We Go Again Time.
You just seem to have a lot of drama going on in your relationships.
Your actions and relationships are in contradiction with what you profess to want. You actively pursue relationships you say you don’t want. You are heavily emotionally invested in relationships you say you don’t want.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Thirty Days of Drama Reduction
March 28, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
On Monday, I’ll be starting a Thirty Days of Drama Reduction series. Every day I’m going to post an insight and tip about the inadvertent quest for drama and how to overcome your drama seeking tendencies so that you can learn to gravitate towards healthier relationships and also give a boost to your self-esteem.
There are so many accidental Drama Seekers out there and unfortunately, seeking out situations that cater to the drama meter only serve to sabotage any possibility of happiness, whether that be on your own or with someone.
Many readers are hooked on dysfunction. Many are hooked on the emotional rollercoaster. I get women telling me that they want to be happy and that they can’t bear the madness…and then throw themselves head first into situations that drive them crazy. Too many women are seeking out the fairy tale and everything around us seems to be telling us that if we’re not trying to create adrenaline rushes through all of this drama, we are lacking something in our lives.
All of this ends up having us believing that we are in love with a guy when in actual fact it’s the familiar feeling of drama that he brings to the table.
It’s time to get real. It’s time to put yourself on drama control! It’s time for a change!
If you have any specific issues or questions you want tackled, now is the time to put them forward!
Look out for posts from fab bloggers such as Hot Alpha Female, Lisa Q, Lance from Honey and Lance and more!
Have you got insights or tips to share? Have you written a post about drama? Would you like to include a guest post? Drop me a line and I’ll include you in the series.
Your thoughts?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Romanticize This…Holiday (vacation) romances
Cheekie writes….
Ah the memories…a perfect night, a perfect moon, a perfect beach, a perfect kiss. A perfect, passionate sex-on-the-beach where even-the-sand-didn’t-hurt-in-there (that much) moment.
Perfect perfectness.
No everyday BS. No dishes, laundry, dinners to cook.
No fights, no petty jealousies.
Just one night of bliss, or maybe more.
Depends on the length of your vacation I suppose.
Yes, I am talking about the Vacation Romance.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Drama Seekers: ladies do love drama…
March 12, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
There is one thing that is missing out of my relationship with the boyf and it’s drama. I don’t miss it, I don’t want it and when I think back to previous relationships and this one, aside from the fact that they were all annoying assclowns, there is a serious lack of drama.
We have a fun, exciting relationship which has a new dimension with the bambino thrown in and I do not miss all of the negative feelings that are associated with the type of drama that comes your way when you’re in a dubious relationship.
Ambiguity. Anxiety. Frustration. Loneliness. Infrequent highs followed by frequent major lows. Inconsistency. Insecurity. Melodrama. Heartbreak. Redundant. Maligned. Insignificant. Anger. Despair. And the list goes on…
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
