No Ex On The First Date
March 20, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
You’re on a date. You’re both nervous and you make polite chit chat. Maybe you order a drink and loosen up a little and you’re both tentatively finding out about each other. You start talking about dating/relationships/how you’ve come to be on this date and somehow the conversation slips into the shock infested waters of Ex Territory. Now I don’t care how you got to the conversation, exes do not belong on dates in any way, shape, or form, and certainly not on the first few. If you talk about your ex you might as well have brought them along with you and plomped them in between the two of you.
The most common misconception about asking about exes or blabbing about them is that people believe it’s an opportunity for either party to find out how the other ticks within relationships. People think that you can find out how ready a person is for a relationship, whether they are looking for something serious or searching for a shag, whether they are crazy, and how they think this person will behave if they were in a relationship with them. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to glean some information from conversations like these but there are two factors that skew any information that you get:
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Sex – When Sex is Just Sex: It is what it is but how about the guys speak up!
February 29, 2008 by NML · 6 Comments
A few days ago I wrote about The Justifying Zone, that slippery slope that women can find themselves on when they stick with a guy so that they can justify their emotional or sexual investment, even if they recognise that that the relationship is doomed. A couple of male commenters raised the point that sometimes a guy just wants sex, which of course made me want to revisit this subject.
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The Justifying Zone: when a woman needs to justify her emotional or sexual investment
February 26, 2008 by NML · 16 Comments
The Justifying Zone is that slippery slope that a lot of women find themselves in, especially after they have sexual contact with a guy. Many of us feel that we need to justify our emotional and sexual investment and this justification is effectively attempting to close the door after the horse has bolted.
The Justifying Zone will always appear when a man fails to live up to the initial promise that he first exhibited or does something inappropriate or that raises a major red flag that could potentially scupper the possibility of the relationship. If for instance, he’s a Mr Unavailable and the ambiguity increases along with all of his other core behaviours, the potential to stay in the zone and cling to it for dear life becomes even bigger.
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Advice: How do I meet men? Meeting men when you’re conflicted and avoiding a serious relationship
January 21, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
“Lately I’ve been having some doubts about where to meet men because I’m tired of clubs. All the guys there just want a “one night stand”, and most of the time they’re kind of drunk so that’s not cool … I want more maybe not a serious relationship but a guy you can date a couple times and have a good time with… I’m not really old enough to turn to a dating website and I don’t feel lonely cause I don’t have a guy right now…”
NML says: The trouble is that you’re in conflict. You say you want to meet guys that aren’t just trying to get into your knickers but you don’t want a serious relationship, and ideally you want someone you can go and have a couple of dates with. On top of this you want him to behave like a man who is having fun but not too much fun. This is why you are struggling because you want too much out of something that you profess to want little more than two dates out of.
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