No Ex On The First Date
March 20, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
You’re on a date. You’re both nervous and you make polite chit chat. Maybe you order a drink and loosen up a little and you’re both tentatively finding out about each other. You start talking about dating/relationships/how you’ve come to be on this date and somehow the conversation slips into the shock infested waters of Ex Territory. Now I don’t care how you got to the conversation, exes do not belong on dates in any way, shape, or form, and certainly not on the first few. If you talk about your ex you might as well have brought them along with you and plomped them in between the two of you.
The most common misconception about asking about exes or blabbing about them is that people believe it’s an opportunity for either party to find out how the other ticks within relationships. People think that you can find out how ready a person is for a relationship, whether they are looking for something serious or searching for a shag, whether they are crazy, and how they think this person will behave if they were in a relationship with them. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to glean some information from conversations like these but there are two factors that skew any information that you get:
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Advice: How do I meet men? Meeting men when you’re conflicted and avoiding a serious relationship
January 21, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
“Lately I’ve been having some doubts about where to meet men because I’m tired of clubs. All the guys there just want a “one night stand”, and most of the time they’re kind of drunk so that’s not cool … I want more maybe not a serious relationship but a guy you can date a couple times and have a good time with… I’m not really old enough to turn to a dating website and I don’t feel lonely cause I don’t have a guy right now…”
NML says: The trouble is that you’re in conflict. You say you want to meet guys that aren’t just trying to get into your knickers but you don’t want a serious relationship, and ideally you want someone you can go and have a couple of dates with. On top of this you want him to behave like a man who is having fun but not too much fun. This is why you are struggling because you want too much out of something that you profess to want little more than two dates out of.
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Advice: Where did I go wrong? The trap of the emotionally unavailable, inconsistent woman
December 6, 2007 by NML · 9 Comments
Craig asks: I am 37-year-old single male who decided to try Internet dating as thought it would be a great way to actually meet someone based not entirely on physical attraction. I’d only been on the site for a month when I made contact with a woman who had been unhappily married for twenty years and it had ended two years ago. We initially sent each other a couple of emails before exchanging mobile numbers.
Our first conversation lasted two hours and one of her stipulations was that she did not send text messages nor ask men out. I was comfortable with that. We talked a few more times on the phone with each chat lasting about an hour. In these chats we shared so much, which ranged from meaningful to light-hearted etc. I didn’ t phone her for three days and I received a text message where the general gist was “You are in my thoughts” and “I thought you would have phoned me”. I replied saying that I cared about her etc and would call that night, which I did and we had another long chat where she asked when we were going to meet up. I agreed to meet her on the Sunday - This was no blind date as both our photos were posted on the dating site.
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