The tricky situation: Jennifer explains…. I got divorced in 2010 and in 2013 I met another man and married him. He’s a very good husband to me, very caring, helpful, and romantic. Our wedding was in my garden, with the presence of my family only, because he told me his children would not come anyway.
From then on I did everything in my power to get to know his four children. I’ve contacted them through Facebook, sent them some messages, Christmas presents, presents for the baby his daughter just had. There was only silence from their side, till one day the daughter invited me to her house (in another city) but treated me in a terribly cold way. She also told me that her brothers do not want to know about me.
Recently, the daughter-in-law responded to an invitation from me with, “I’m a Catholic and I cannot talk to you, because for me there is only one marriage”. His daughter then sent me a message saying that I will never be welcomed there because of her mother! Well, my husband hasn’t lived with his ex-wife for more than 20 years and I do not understand that.
But, there is more. Last time my husband went there, his eldest son asked him to remove his wedding ring because his mother would come to the party—and he did! It was a terrible shock to me. When I asked him why he did that, he said his ex-wife likes a fight and a show and she would say something that would ruin the party for the children.
I’m never invited. If there’s a party, the invitation comes here in his name only. This goes for everything—-recently there was the wedding of the second son and of course my husband went on his own.
Some weeks ago he wrote a letter to each child of his saying I’m his wife now and they have to accept it, however there was no response at all. His brothers and sisters have accepted me and I see them on a regular basis, but don’t know what to do about the children and I also think that something is wrong about taking the wedding ring off when the ex-wife is present. What do you think?
One of my pet peeves is when people get all judgmental, rude, and even badly behaved, and then claim that it’s for religious reasons. No it’s not! Your husband’s adult children and his ex-wife are being unkind but if you want to feel better about this situation and move forward, you need to learn how to get behind your own line and actually, your husband needs to clearly communicate his boundaries and that includes protecting his marriage with you.
It’s not easy when marriages break down. Even when the kids are grown up, it can still be a sore point or there can be a weirdness–my girls have eight grandparents and it can be tricky enough dealing with their personalities, one upmanships, grievances and carry-on. Children sometimes take sides but also, sometimes one or both parents have a habit of guilting the children and being divisive. It is not always possible to get on with the mother or father of your children but what doesn’t need to happen is being divisive in your children’s relationship with your ex-spouse and encouraging them to be disrespectful.