Relationship Advice: How can I keep up the no contact rule with my guy at work?
July 1, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
Not easy, but your blog has helped a lot.
Now this is where I need your advice: this guy works with me.
He has been away for work reasons, and I haven’t had to see him yet, but he’ll be back soon, and I’m gonna have to hear him, see him, and I’m just not sure how to handle it. What is your advice? I don’t work very directly with him, as we’re in different dpts, so we won’t be having meetings together for example, but he will be sitting in my open plan floor, and we’ll be using the same coffee machine, photocopy machine, canteen, etc. How can I stay strong and make sure I stick to no contact if I’m gonna have to see him 8hours a day? I’m sure when he’s back in the country is when he’s gonna try to get me again and be charming and do all those cute things that got me back every time before.”
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Relationship Advice: I cut contact, then I slept with him, and now HE’S cut contact with me!
June 26, 2008 by NML · 29 Comments
Ami asks: “NML, I was doing so well! I cut contact with my Mr Unavailable after he had been messing me around for THREE years. I had tried many a time to walk away and he just wouldn’t accept it. I got tired of explaining and discussing, so I cut contact with him and 7 weeks went by, and I bumped into him at a club we both used to go to.
I was pretty hammered and OK a bit horny and when he started saying all of the ‘right’ things about how much he’d missed me and that we are soulmates, I found myself melting and we went back to my place and had sex. It wasn’t amazing admittedly, in fact, I would even say it was disappointing.
Anyway, I am FURIOUS because he crept out in the night and I haven’t heard from him since. He is ignoring my messages and just seems to have disappeared. Now HE’S cut contact with ME and it’s not supposed to be like this! I just want to know what the hell he thinks he’s playing at? What’s happened to the “I love you” and “You know we’re gonna end up together”? You know what, I don’t even think I love him but I am burning from his rejection! What should I do?”
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Relationship Advice: How do I forgive my narcissist ex and my friend for flirting and the private dance?
June 17, 2008 by NML · 14 Comments
Angela asks “About a year ago, I went with my emotionally unavailable, narcissist ex, whom I was so deeply in love with, to see my “best friend” of about 6 years. She was graduating with her degree and exhibiting her work, so I went to see her, asking him to come along for the trip. After the show, we went to her bar where she worked, and on the car ride there, he began asking her for directions. Being already drunk, my friend began acting and saying obnoxious things, to which he began yelling, calling her names, and to which she yelled back. It became obvious there was some sexual, flirtatious tension in it all, which I definitely noticed.
When we arrived at her bar, she began dancing on the bar, drinking more, etc. He would not come inside, sending his friend to tell me he was sorry, etc.
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Relationship advice: Why is she the girlfriend and I’m the Fallback Girl/Other Woman?
June 13, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
Cheryl has been in touch with me on and off since last year. Here’s the situation:
Cheryl has a male friend, let’s call him Bob. Bob and Cheryl have been ‘friends’ for several years. She has supported him emotionally through his various trials and tribulations and was in love with him the whole time, but knew that he didn’t want a relationship. Naturally, being a Mr Unavailable, Bob not only had an ego massage on tap, but they also started sleeping together.
Cheryl assumed that by sticking at his side and showing her support, that she would be first in line when his various problems were sorted and he was ready for a relationship. In true Mr Unavailable style though, he announced that he had a girlfriend towards the end of last year…
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Relationship Advice: He’s abusive and possibly a narcissist but I love him. Will he change?
June 12, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
Steph recently contacted me with regards to her ex boyfriend. They broke up more than six months ago but she can’t get over it. Like the typical Mr Unavailable, there was an amazing first month and then he seemed to transform into a bit of a nightmare.
He could be verbally abusive, flying into rages, lying, suddenly only having time for partying with his friends, abusing alcohol and drugs, and even occasional physical attacks on his friends (yeah I know, this guy is a real catch!). He even claims that he owns the town and can make her life hell, which may go beyond the usual ‘narcissistic tendencies’ I associate with typical Mr Unavallable’s.
Steph blames herself for the end of their relationship and rationalises his behaviour with the belief that “nobody is perfect”.
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Relationship Advice: Help! I’m jealous of his female friends and afraid of losing him
June 10, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
Rose asks: “My boyfriend and I (I am 21 and he is 23) have been together for over a year now and generally I would describe our relationship as great. He is loving, caring and we both have a lot of fun together. We have been living together for 3 months now.
However, the problem I am having at the moment is, I believe, more to do with me than him.He has alot of female friends, more so than male friends, and I can’t help but feel the pangs of jealousy. I feel that his female friends are also more attractive than me, and I worry that they have more in common with my boyfriend then I do.
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Relationship Advice: Should I tell my boyfriend that I’ve been cheating on him?
May 23, 2008 by NML · 6 Comments
Zoe asks: “I love my boyfriend but things have been a bit of a struggle for us over the past year or so. He’s heavily immersed in his work and he’s had some problems with his child’s mother which seems to have caused him to withdraw somewhat. I try to talk with him and also get us to be positive and move forward but he keeps telling me to leave ‘it’ alone and that he’s dealing with things in his own way.
This is difficult for me to admit……..but I’ve been sleeping with a colleague for the past six weeks.
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Relationship advice: Should I take my cheating boyfriend back?
May 22, 2008 by NML · 9 Comments
Carries asks: “I was devastated recently to discover that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with a woman from his work for the past 8 months. He was my world and I would do and have done anything for him and to find that he had been sleeping around has brought me to my lowest point.
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Relationship Advice: Is he ever going to commit to me? How do I get him to listen?
May 19, 2008 by NML · 2 Comments
Bel asks “I have been with my boyfriend for five years. When I met him I thought he’d make good relationship material because he went to church and seemed to take his work seriously, but five years on and we’re not even living together.
Since about two years in we have been having a series of talks about the status of our relationship where I spell out what I need and he tells me he’s going to do it and then he doesn’t. I then finish it with him and he’s practically beating down my door begging for another chance and promising to do everything I want.
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Advice: How do I handle my guy at work?
May 2, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
“Hi NML, I read your post about coping with work drama and I am worried. I have been dating a guy at work (most people don’t know about it) and he is really starting to p*ss me off. I suspect that he’s trying to get this other woman that we work with but he has the front to be asking me for sex. I’m sure he has even told her about us and they are laughing at me. When I ask him where this is going, he tells me to ‘relax’. He says that he cares about me but I keep hearing little things about him flirting with other women Even though he is p*ssing me off, I’m really in love with him and I don’t want to believe that I have wasted my time with him. Help me!”
This is one of those situations where it is, what it is. Sometimes all you need to do is write down what is happening to you and then read it back to yourself. Seriously.
I’m going to be blunt - Don’t p*ss on your own doorstep unless you are pretty damn sure that 1) it could have some serious potential, 2) he’s not a playa, or 3) you’re only working there on a temporary basis or planning to leave anyway. Or as another reader put it “Don’t sh*t where you eat” - crude, but true.
The fact of the matter is that you don’t want to believe that you have wasted your time and you don’t want to be believe that he’s an assclown that you’ve wasted energy on.
But….Sometimes…it is what it is… This is most definitely one of those times!
Ladies, sometimes, in fact, often, we over analyse and try to see shades of grey when in actual fact, black and white is what’s needed.
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