Reader Opinions Needed: Is rape still rape within marriage?
July 21, 2008 by NML · 5 Comments
I have been asked to comment on an article about rape within marriage, which I know is a bit of a leap from our usual posts on emotionally unavailable men and dating woes, and I wanted to find out what your views are on the subject.
I’m sure mine are obvious; rape is rape whether I see a ring on my finger or not. It’s a horrendously, violating act of violence that transcends what the status of your relationship is, what you’re wearing, or whatever other excuses that people pull out to find a different perspective about a disgusting crime. It is exactly why the minority of rape cases are reported, and an even greater majority make it to trial; because the victim ends up going on trial.
Does it matter whether the man who rapes you is your husband or some stranger with his face hidden? Isn’t rape, rape?
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Sex advice: Is it me? Or does he just not want to have sex?
May 14, 2008 by NML · 9 Comments
Leila asks “I read your site often enough to know that you have some pretty strong views on men that take more than they put out which is why I’m writing to you.
I’ve been with my guy for a couple of years. In the beginning, man he could not get enough of me. He chased and chased me and the sex was off the chains for the first few months.
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Attraction: 4 key things that make you attractive…or unattractive…
March 6, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
When it comes to dating and relationships, ‘attraction’ can be a word that automatically let’s us off the hook for engaging our brain in any rational thinking. “I’m so attracted to him; I just can’t fight it” she says even though she really should fight ‘it’ because he’s treating her like a booty call even though she thinks he’s her boyfriend. “She’s just…she’s just so damn attractive” he says about the woman who refuses to even acknowledge his existence. What becomes clear is that ‘attraction’ means different things to different people but I find that four things can certainly affect attraction in the first instance…
Make an effort with your appearance
I would be lying if I claimed that the surface doesn’t come into ‘attraction’. The exterior is what most of us notice first but the reality is that unless you are the shallowest of the shallowest, you will take the whole package – looks, character, and personality – into account which can actually affect your perception of their ‘attractiveness’. At the end of the day there is no point looking like Angelina Jolie if you you’re a nasty person within.
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I’m not seeing anybody else….Yes but he’s not actually with you either!
March 3, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
One of the things I learned about dating is that in order to survive, you need to be able to smell the BS coming from a mile away otherwise assclowns a plenty will suck up your time, reduce your self-esteem, and end up making you believe that dating is for suckers. One of the classic BS lines is when a guy tells you by way of reassurance that he’s not seeing/dating/sleeping with anybody else.
Now this should be good news….or is it?
The only time when this is good news is when he really isn’t with someone else but he is actually in a bonafide committed relationship with you, or is making a concerted effort to date you and move things forward. If either of these things are absent, it is likely that you will take the information, swallow it whole, and live under the misguided assumption that if he’s not with anyone else, then he must be with you.
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Sex – When Sex is Just Sex: It is what it is but how about the guys speak up!
February 29, 2008 by NML · 6 Comments
A few days ago I wrote about The Justifying Zone, that slippery slope that women can find themselves on when they stick with a guy so that they can justify their emotional or sexual investment, even if they recognise that that the relationship is doomed. A couple of male commenters raised the point that sometimes a guy just wants sex, which of course made me want to revisit this subject.
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The Justifying Zone: when a woman needs to justify her emotional or sexual investment
February 26, 2008 by NML · 16 Comments
The Justifying Zone is that slippery slope that a lot of women find themselves in, especially after they have sexual contact with a guy. Many of us feel that we need to justify our emotional and sexual investment and this justification is effectively attempting to close the door after the horse has bolted.
The Justifying Zone will always appear when a man fails to live up to the initial promise that he first exhibited or does something inappropriate or that raises a major red flag that could potentially scupper the possibility of the relationship. If for instance, he’s a Mr Unavailable and the ambiguity increases along with all of his other core behaviours, the potential to stay in the zone and cling to it for dear life becomes even bigger.
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Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Book One Available to Buy
February 21, 2008 by NML · 9 Comments
Just over two and a half years ago I stumbled across the realisation that not only did I love Mr Unavailable’s (emotionally unavailable men) but that I was a commitment-phobe that was sabotaging all of my relationships, unbeknowst to me. I started sharing my insights here and at The Mr Unavailable Guide, and I am still astounded by the number of women that are just like me.
Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Part One is finally available to purchase. It’s my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. I am empowering women to get smart about their faux relationships with these men and gain real positive change so that they can find personal happiness, which in turn, will lead to better relationship opportunities. This is not about trying to change him (most of us have realised that it’s nigh on impossible) and instead find out how and why Mr Unavailable behaves as he does so that you know how to read the signs and get the hell out. This is the start of embarking on path of building your self esteem so that you can get happy and open yourself up to the prospect of a healthy relationship.
Find out the types of situations that you can be drawn into by these men, get a list of his many signs of emotional unavailability, learn about how he manages down your expectations with The Status Quo through blowing hot and cold and how these men pull the whole ‘This one time in bandcamp’ thing where they trot out the same lame excuses so that we feel sympathetic to their ‘plight’ and don’t ask for too much. Discover how Mr Unavailable relegates you to ‘accidental’ booty calls or friends with benefits and why the relationship with this man is doomed. This is just the beginning…
It is £5 which is roughly $9.83 although it will tell you when you go through to checkout!
Please let me know if there are any problems downloading. This is the first time I have ever done an ebook so no doubt there will be a technical glitch or something! I will be doing a website and if there are any amendments that are made, you will automatically be sent a revised edition.
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Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Part One Launching and Competition
February 19, 2008 by NML · 8 Comments
on this post
It gives me great pleasure to announce that this Thursday I will be launching my first ever ebook! It’s now available to buy!I know that it has taken much longer than I anticipated but I have taken the decision to publish the book as an ebook trilogy in order to stop the wait! Thank you to all of you have been patient and the hundreds who registered by email!
What is it about? Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl is my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. I am empowering women to get smart about their faux relationships with these men and gain real positive change so that they can find personal happiness, which in turn, will lead to better relationship opportunities.
Book One focuses on helping you understand who Mr Unavailable is, how he operates, what makes him tick, the types of situations you can find yourself in with him, why he is dangerous, and most importantly, how to spot and avoid him. It also gives an initial background to the Fallback Girl, emotional unavailability in general, and commitment-phobia.
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Advice: Why won’t he contact me?
February 13, 2008 by NML · 33 Comments
Last month I advised Astelle with Advice: Help me understand how my emotionally unavailable man has been treating me and Advice: Why did he respond if he’s not interested in me?. To do a quick recap, Astelle was involved with an emotionally unavailable man who she wouldn’t hear from for long periods of time unless she made contact. Occasionally they would meet up and they would go through brief spurts of togetherness, but for the most part, it was very off. Astelle has stuck to The No Contact Rule since then and when she started this I explained that he was unlikely to make contact and now I explain why.
Astelle asks “In your response you said that it’s unlikely that HE will make contact with me. My friends tell me that as well, but I think they tell me that because they don’t want me to wait for him and they know he is a user and a piece of crap.
Read more
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Link Love
February 5, 2008 by NML · 2 Comments
I had no idea that reading other people’s secret confessions could be so much fun but I have become addicted to True Hook Up Confessions and True Mom Confessions. There are some baaaaad girls out there and I love it. Whatever mischief you’ve been up to, whatever naughty or even evil thoughts you’ve had, there are women out there just like you, or even thinking worse! Love it!
There’s a 35 year old man out there with no relationship experience, and he’s wondering what to tell women who ask about his past… I’m wondering what desert island he’s been on… [Advice from a Single Dating Expert]
Dating Dames ask “Are open relationships healthy?” Oh hell no!
AskMen has Ten Effective [more like defective] PickUp Lines
Have you ever heard of ‘Choreplay’ before? Yep…neither had I! [Dollymix]
The Law of Attraction - Yes we do draw in what we think we deserve… [Ask Dan and Jennifer]
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