Sometimes, if not often, we’re too quick to convince ourselves that we’re the architect of our own failure. We give ourselves too much credit for being in control of stuff that we’re not. As a result, when we experience disappointment and we’re of the inclination to analyse where we think we effed up (based off of the assumption that disappointment’s caused by us not doing the ‘right’ actions to steer the outcome to the correct one), we latch on to something that becomes a rule for our future behaviour. Baggage-Reclaimers’ big example of this is variations of, I ‘put out’ after X hours/days/dates/weeks/months and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have jeopardised the relationship. So let’s think about this:
If we weren’t in a relationship at the time, how can we lose or harm something we didn’t have in the first place? Surely if the deal was dependent on both parties not sleeping together, sex wouldn’t even be on the table? Now, I’m not saying that dating is like the lottery but if we were to break down or take a week off work every time our numbers didn’t come through, we’d be setting ourselves up for a great deal of pain due to our, I-did-this-so-why-didn’t-they-do-that mentality.
Some will argue that ‘putting out’ gave the other party the ‘wrong impression’ and you know, that’s pretty jacked up when you consider that this would make them the authority that had the power to decide which way the relationship was going, which makes the date an audition. The thing is, who did these people have sex with? An impersonator who stepped in to do the deed so that the date wouldn’t have to see things through after it became obvious that they weren’t around future wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend material?