Currently viewing the tag: "The Justifying Zone"

Many people protest about how “super busy” they are – I’ve been guilty of this at times myself – and I regularly hear the, “I don’t have time for dating” and “I don’t have time for a relationship” defences along with what pretty […]

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Don’t forget that I’m on a ‘break’ until September so I will mostly be featuring some of yours and my favourite posts from the archives.

One of the things that I’ve recognised as a differentiator between healthy and […]

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Recently while talking with friends, I was struck by how much time is spent explaining away and hypothesising on another person’s behaviour. Literally an hour had gone by and a serious amount of excuses and debating had been going on.

“He’s a really shy guy” said one friend as a justification for […]

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Revisited: The Justifying Zone

On November 5, 2012 By

A few years back, before I delved deeper into the subjects of being afraid of making ‘mistakes’ and perceiving recognition of a date/relationship not working out as a ‘failure’, I explained the danger of putting yourself in the Justifying Zone.

This is that slippery slope that […]

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While reading yet more tales of They Bailed / Started Pulling The Slow Fade After I Said I Wanted To Take My Time Before Sleeping With Him/Her, it occurred to me that the type of person who goes from super-interested to crickets / unable to be pinned down to a date […]

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“He’s really busy right now”
“She’s got a really important job”
“They travel a lot”
“They’re just insanely busy”
“He said he hasn’t had five minutes”

You know, I’m not disputing that being busy is a very real experience, but as excuses go for why you’re letting someone off the hook […]

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When you have issues with commitment of any kind, there is this perennial fear that if you make the decision that you’ll get it ‘wrong’ and then it’s like a black mark on your ‘life resume’ or it can’t be undone or managed, and your whole life will […]

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Recently an acquaintance was struggling with a technical issue at work. I offered to take a look, expecting to spend 10-15 minutes checking it out. They immediately took me up on my offer, while wasting no time informing me that it was a waste of time. “Oh OK then – I’ll leave you to it” […]

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Reading about people’s struggles with dating, relationships and their self-esteem, a recurrent theme crops up – many of these people believe that they ‘can’t’ change. They talk about how ‘impossible’ it is to break habits, change relationship behaviours that are working against them, to fight a compulsion, to set and enforce boundaries, […]

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I have an ex who in retrospect, it was only once I’d gotten as far away as possible from him, did I truly acknowledge what an abusive situation it was brewing up to be. Long time readers may recall that he’s the one that drove like a maniac ranting in a jealous rage, got caught […]

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One of the things that I’ve recognised as a differentiator between healthy and unhealthy relationships is the presence of excuses, whether it’s yours and/or theirs. In the worst of situations where you may be denying, rationalising, and minimising, you may even be […]

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