The 10 Commandments of No Strings Sex
If you’re not getting yours then you’re not doing it right.
This is all about you and this is the type of sex where you don’t need to worry about who come’s first or his wants. You’re not developing a relationship here – you are supposed to be getting laid good and proper. Obviously don’t go falling in love with him just because he gave you an orgasm!
Save the drama for your friends.
A booty call, no strings arrangement, whatever you want to call it, is for S.E.X. It’s not for chit-chat. It’s not for him to play armchair psychologist and he doesn’t need to say all of the things that you would expect from a boyfriend. If you do this, I have to ask – Why bother?
Easy on the verbal diarrhoea
Women do have a terrible habit of Women Who Talk Too Much syndrome which means that in an effort to come across as though we don’t give a shit, we end up saying that we just want him for sex, it’s just for one night, and go into a rather long winded explanation about why they are having no strings sex. Total. Waste. Of. Time. Likewise, there is no need to say you won’t call him again after you shag him. Just don’t!
Be in control of the contraception
Don’t expect him to turn up with a condom. Make sure you always carry your own and if you’re on the pill, it’d be a good idea to remember to take it… This is one of those situations where I really don’t recommend bareback!
Don’t expect post-coital affection
This is not an episode of the Care Bears. He doesn’t need to cuddle you, talk to you or dissect the shag session. If he chooses to be affectionate, it’s a bonus but it doesn’t mean that you should jump to conclusions that he wants more than just sex. He may just be very good at soothing the female ego….
Out of sight/Out of Mind
The whole idea of having no strings sex is that you’re not supposed to expend lots of mental energy about what he’s doing right now, whether he’s thinking about you, when you’ll see him next, does he fancy you and bla, bla, bla. It’s a physical thing and whilst there’s nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back for getting some great sex, there is something wrong with analysing the crap out of the guy and the sex.
Don’t Interrogate
Why do you need to know how many women he has the arrangement with? How many women he has slept with? Are you one in a long line? Who cares!!!!???!!! As long as you are engaging in safe sex and he is unattached, that is ALL you need to know. Please don’t shine a torch in his face and demand answers or get all pissy when he does give you answers! Don’t ask!
Did I mention he should be unattached?
You would expect this to be a given but you’d be surprised at how many women shag attached men. It’s not no-strings sex if he has a girlfriend or wife! Tell the greedy bastard to get lost and find a man that doesn’t have complicated ties elsewhere.
Choose the appropriate prey and be clear about the terms
Use your judgement skills. Choosing a playa makes the whole thing a lot easier. Choosing Mr Nice Guy who has always wanted to go out with you is just plain foolish. Have the uncomfortable conversation before you get down to things, not afterwards when he’s wondering why you crept out in the early hours or won’t return his calls. You’ll find that the arrangement is a lot easier to discuss and arrange with a playa than it is with Mr Nice Guy. Likewise, steer clear of exe’s. I can guarantee that one person will have more attachment than the other!
It is OK to say ‘No’ to things that you aren’t comfortable with but it’s also OK to get freaky and experiment
This is your time to be uninhibited and try out new moves if this is what floats your boat. That said though, if you don’t want to be whipped, an anal sex tester, handcuffed, strangled, do a threesome, have or give oral sex, whatever…you don’t have to. Do however make an effort and don’t lie there like a sack of potatoes as that’s no fun for you OR for him. You can lie there like a sack of potatoes any day of the week but it’s not what no strings sex is for.
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim
One Night Stand February 18th, 2008, 7:03 pm
This is good advice, however, I must add that its easier for men to ignore some of these rules than women. Men can have one night stands and society doesnt flinch, if a woman does it, its whoreish.
July64 July 3rd, 2009, 2:30 pm
Real good rules, but not always easy to maintain. I have trouble with out of sight out of mind…(especially without warning)
I had the guts to ask an old boyfriend if he wanted to be FWB .
I kind of told him since he and I were single and we hit it off on the horizontal level why not give it a try , no strings attached.. he didn’t answer by mail , but he came over and we are friends with benefits. I know for a fact that he is looking for Misses Right. The problem is when he starts dating, he just dissapears and he does not let me know he will be out of the picture for awhile.. I just whis he’d be a little more honnest with me since I had the guts to telle him what I wanted… Why not just say , we,ll have to cool it , I met someone.